I'm thinking of living as an openly straight man...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Jovial, Oct 12, 2008.

  1. Jovial

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    but I'm not sure exactly how to do it. Do I need to dress a certain way or drive a certain type of car? Are there certain colognes I should wear or certain types of beer I should drink? Do I need to stop trimming my armpit hair or something? Should I call all women "baby" or "honey" or treat them a specific way? Maybe touch or rub up against every woman I pass on the street?

    An ideas? :confused:
     
  2. D_one and done

    D_one and done New Member

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    thats a good start. be sure you know enough about sports to discuss it at length with any other straight guy you may see.

    and dont trim anything. trimming implies grooming. and straight guys dont groom.

    also, learn every female sexual innuendo thats out there. use as many of them as you can, as fast as you can. in every sentence.

    (lol this is an awesome thread :lmao: )
     
  3. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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  4. D_Relentless Original

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    Remember not to get up at a party to dance when ABBA " dancing Queen or the Nolans- "i'm in the mood for dancing " is played. :biggrin1:
     
  5. D_one and done

    D_one and done New Member

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    :lmao:

    you, sir or m'am, are great.
     
    #5 D_one and done, Oct 12, 2008
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2008
  6. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    undefined. :tongue: ma'am for now.
     
  7. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    Jovial, the most important thing you can do in order to live openly as a straight man is not to care about anyone or anything. You've got to learn that caring about things is simply not cool. Be detached in everything, answer "whatever" to every question and treat girls as your playthings. The minute they start to intrude in your life, dump them. Yes, try to come on to every girl you can because the more you fuck, the more straight you are. (It's true. It's a fact.) Make sure you learn how to "whoot, whoot" really loud for no apparent reason, and keep the TV on ESPN all day long. If you find yourself beginning to have an emotion or a serious thought, stuff it and drink a beer instead. Also you need to learn how to scratch your ass without looking self-conscious in mixed company.

    And definitely no colognes, after shave, or wussy skin lotions. Don't trim your finger or toe nails.

    Just check your brains at the door, bud, and you'll be the perfect straight guy.
     
    #7 B_Hung Jon, Oct 12, 2008
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2008
  8. marleyisalegend

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    Ey you got a nice ass, no homo.
     
  9. D_Brecock Evileye

    D_Brecock Evileye New Member

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    Dont forget that your clothes should not match or even be clean. Also you should dig at your crotch all the time and spit a lot.
     
  10. 1BiGG1

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    If you have show tunes in your music collection, those gotta go and no more extending your pinky finger when buttering you toast! :smile:
     
  11. Ed69

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    What do you drive?If you don't have a truck get one.Preferably Ford or Chevy anything else is a little gay.It must be lifted and have the biggest tires possible and don't forget the gun rack (with gun),brush guard and winch.
     
  12. D_one and done

    D_one and done New Member

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    lol. marley dont start lol. im bein monogamous haha. :biggrin1:
     
  13. NEWREBA

    NEWREBA New Member

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    For some strange reason to be an openly straight man you'll have to memorize sports statistics (mostly baseball) accurately and be able to regurgitate them for your guy friends at a moment's notice. Get studying, fella. :wink:
     
  14. D_Relentless Original

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    Oh and don't forget to Burp loudly and fart wherever you are mate :smile:
     
  15. Qua

    Qua
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    Two words. Heavy Metal. But none of that gay wailing high-pitched singer shit (emo/core stuff, prog, 80s).

    Only guys who sound like they're an army drill sargeant/angry lineman/gorilla are 100% straight singers. And nothing pansy-ass that genuinely sounds pretty sometimes (even worse if the singer sings high). And no death metal either. That's not manly, it's freakish.

    Godsmack, Disturbed, Drowning Pool, ...And Justice for All/Black album era Metallica. These are all manly bands. Bands that pump you up and make you wanna deck mofuckers on the football field.
     
    #15 Qua, Oct 12, 2008
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2008
  16. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Never, ever look another man directly in the eyes. Your gaze should stop approximately eighteen inches before it meets his face.
     
  17. Principessa

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    ROTFLMAO :rofl: You were trimming your armpit hair? :wtf1: No wonder you weren't getting laid, that's so gay. :tongue:

    OMG! Did I date you in 1992? :confused: :tongue: :biggrin1:

    That's so true, don't forget; never remember the birthday of any woman in your life, except your mother. You are allowed to forget your mothers birthday once you get married as it then becomes your wifes responsibility to remember all your immediate relatives birthdays. :irked:

     
  18. goodwood

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    Jovial -
    This is a hilarious thread. Well said and very witty. The one thing I will say that helps is get a truck. I got a Ford F150 and all of a sudden - I'm a guy.
     
  19. sasami006

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    I love this thread, it's so funny. After reading all of the post here I come to the conclusion that there are good reasons why I'm 100% Bi.

    I can't be 100% straight because:
    -I don't follow sports.
    -I have manors
    -I drive a sissy car
    -I love pandas

    I can't be 100% gay because:
    -I have no fashion sense
    -I love heavy metal
     
  20. Domisoldo

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    No, you're a lesbian.
     
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