I'm threatened and totally turn off when Im around attractive people

[sexplease]

Queen Nefertiti commanded more men than anyone in history. She was a redhead.

 

[mexdude]

Well, i can understand ur issue, cause i had something similar, and the only thing that help me was to confront the issue directly, for me was talking to pretty girls, and one day i got the courage to do it, and it helped me a lot, on the skin tone, u should not feel bad, someone will find u attractive, i like really pale girls, despite most think that they need tan to look good

 

[B_bxmuscle]

Try specific methods of developing more confidence. Start by identifying your best personality and physical traits and develop them to your best ability. Get advice for those whose judgment you trust if need be. Nothing improves self-confidence than real, demonstrable self-improvement.

Second, also identify personality and physical traits about yourself that you wish were better and work at improving them. Be specific about both your assets and your liabilities, and develop concrete actions to work on both and stick to them. Again, good advice for sensible people can be useful. You'll be amazed how much even modest changes for the better will effect how you feel, act, and be regarded by others.

 

[sexplease]

see, these aforementioned are the types of challenges many in the GLBT community have to deal with precisely because they were often shunned for what is natural to their heart and desires.
Most straight middle school and high school kids are afforded the opportunity -nay-oblivious to their opportunities to express their hearts and sexuality - openly.
Now, because of a lack of natural trial relationships Woogexx should have gone through as a teen, delayed emotional growth brings into question issues of self image, self doubt, acceptance and other formative relationship configurations at a later age.

Not saying that his issues cannot be resolved- because they can, but rather, these issues probably would have, should have been worked out earlier, leaving him more time devoted to expressing his creative talents rather than sitting in a counselors chair.

Nothing teaches like experience, and to deny that to anyone - a child, teen or adult, fosters frustration which subsequently wreaks havoc on the individuals health - mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

 

[earllogjam]

I think you shut down because you are afraid of being rejected for who you really are inside. Shutting down is a coping mechanism for you to reject the other person first or rationalize why you are getting rejected. You're right in that it does no one any good.

Good looking guys are just people. Some are friendly and some aren't, just like everyone else. And EVERYBODY gets rejected so don't feel bad when it happens, it's just part of life. COURAGE my friend courage.

 

[B_Boy_Boy_Boy]

Im a gay male and Ive had this problem for awhile and it only seems to be getting worse. I figure a female might be able to relate a little better to my problem then another guy.

I just feel really threatened and nervous when Im around an attractive guy (someone new, who I just met, gay or straight). I pretty much shut down, I go out of my way to ignore them. I even sometimes give them an attitude, all because I find them attractive. Can anyone relate to this problem? Is there anything I can do to make it go away or control it a little better? I feel like I need to go see a shrink but I have no insurance and im broke, so Im pretty much on my own.

It really sucks cause I feel like im cheating myself out of alot of good times, whos to say this person I think is cute doesnt think Im cute back? Youd never know though because I dont give them the chance.

All it causes is a vicious cycle, of course if you ignore someone or give them a little atitude they do the same back. Im I insane? I dont know what to do its really bothering me.

Its a mixture of my fear of rejection and thinking I wouldnt be good enough for them. I just dont know how to fix it or at least work on it.


Can anyone relate?

I was in your same boat (The SS Frustrated). I used to get all weird around attractive girls. How I fixed this was to not think of their high social value and engage them on another level where they don't have the upper hand. I don't stand there thinking about how hot they are and myriad of ways I'm inferior. Instead I think of them as non-sexual people. I try to address them as people, not the sex goddess they want to be. This has a twofold effect: 1) You don't feel inferior because you aren't playing in their game. 2) You disarm them. In the case of women many base their entire social value on their attractiveness. If you engage them on a different level you block them from using that attractiveness as leverage against your value.

In my life I've found this approach superior to the previous fall-over-myself approach. Why? Well, when you come at them from the position that you aren't looking to fuck them (NOT FRIENDVILLE, NO!) they try to relate at a human level, many can't. You'll find all kinds of undesirable traits. This saves you a lot of time. Also, it puts me in the opposite position. Now, I am the one getting the attitude (I was never unattractive but this helps). Seriously, just five days ago I was at a Christmas party and the only single girl there was giving me a whole-lotta brush off and bitch attitude; I wasn't in the mood to take a inferior/submissive posture to attract her. If I felt like dealing with it I would have disarmed her with some "omg, you are amazing at _______" or "you are so interesting, I'll bet your boyfriend doesn't let you out of his sight! I wouldn't" but I didn't care enough to stroke her ego. I'm not walking away disappointed, either. I rarely do.

It works. Try it.

 

[ryguy88]

I think it comes down to self confidence. You can gain some, with a network of support. LGBT groups have been mentioned, and are a great idea for a place to start. You will be surprised to find that confidence, not cockiness, is a huge turn-on. BTW, I think Gingers are unique, and adorable. I was a freckled Ginger as a kid, and I got teased. As I went into my late teen years, my hair turned brown, and my freckeles dissappeared. How I wish it hadn't happened..