Implications Of Older/younger Relationship

triman

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In the past, I have dated men that are close to my age (33).

I've started dating someone who is much older than me (67) and it is the most intimate relationship I've ever had. Everything is perfect when we're together and I love being in his arms when falling asleep. His maturity is so sexy to me.

While age isn't an issue to either one of us when we're together, it is something that I wrestle with when we're apart. There are ones I can breeze past like, "What will my friends/family think?" The deeper questions are what make me wonder if I am a fool for falling in love with this man. For instance, he will most likely die before I do - then what? Am I setting myself up for disappointment? I counter it with the fact that I love the time right now and we should enjoy that...but know that I should also consider the long term as well.

I guess I'm coming here for any perspectives people (older or younger!) can offer.

For those still interested in reading - On the flip side, my ex (37) keeps trying to get me back. I broke it off because, despite us loving every second of every day together (common interests, career goals, etc.), I wasn't sexually attracted to him in the way that I am older men. It seems foolish for me to date someone I'm not sexually attracted to, but it also feels like I'm throwing away an amazing relationship with someone that I could grow old with knowing we'd be there for each other for the long haul.

Thanks for any/all perspectives
 

ohiorod

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I can’t advise which guy to choose, but I can say if you feel like a fool away from the older gent and you are ashamed that you date him and worry about friends and family learning the info, you are probably not ready for a relationship and I would advise you to be honest with him. Good luck in making your choice.
 

headbang8

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Sounds to me like there are three alternatives.
  1. Short-term happiness followed by the pain of grief. Followed by more short term happiness with a different older partner, which may, too, ultimately inflict the pain of grief. After a couple of cycles of this, you’ll end up being the same age as the men you fancy, and the challenges and joys of caring for each other in old age will feel a little more natural.
  2. Long-term mediocre sex with a younger man, with comforting but unsatisfying intimacy. He’ll eventually turn into a daddy, though. You might just have to bide your time.
  3. A throuple with mixed ages.
In your shoes, I’d probably opt for one or three. What say ye?
 

Gj816

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Well first, none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. According to nature, yes you'd probably out live the older gent but at 67 he's not that old yet.

Secondly, your ex wants you back, but you aren't sexually attracted to him. I'd say there's more to any relationship than just the sex. Although, sex is important in any relationship.

What you haven't said is whether or not the sex with the ex was satisfying? Only that you were not sexually attracted to him. For that matter you haven't said who was better in bed? If it's dick size or what? In fact there's a lot you haven't said.

You did imply that the age difference between you and the older gent, could be embarrassing for you with friends and family. And that you have more in common with the younger gent.

I'd say you'd definitely need to be doing some soul searching. Perhaps the decision you need to be making is, are you really ready to settle for one or the other? Of course this is just mho.
 
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EdWoody

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My husband is 13 years older than me. We've been together coming up on 25 years. Sure, there's a chance he might die first. There's also a chance I might get run over by a bus tomorrow or have a heart attack, and I'll die first. There's no way to know.

Point being, there is no point worrying about a future is completely undefined and that you have no control over anyway. It's wasted time and energy that could be better spent enjoying the happiness you have right now.

.
 

CalifornianSTUD

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In the past, I have dated men that are close to my age (33).

I've started dating someone who is much older than me (67) and it is the most intimate relationship I've ever had. Everything is perfect when we're together and I love being in his arms when falling asleep. His maturity is so sexy to me.

While age isn't an issue to either one of us when we're together, it is something that I wrestle with when we're apart. There are ones I can breeze past like, "What will my friends/family think?" The deeper questions are what make me wonder if I am a fool for falling in love with this man. For instance, he will most likely die before I do - then what? Am I setting myself up for disappointment? I counter it with the fact that I love the time right now and we should enjoy that...but know that I should also consider the long term as well.

I guess I'm coming here for any perspectives people (older or younger!) can offer.

For those still interested in reading - On the flip side, my ex (37) keeps trying to get me back. I broke it off because, despite us loving every second of every day together (common interests, career goals, etc.), I wasn't sexually attracted to him in the way that I am older men. It seems foolish for me to date someone I'm not sexually attracted to, but it also feels like I'm throwing away an amazing relationship with someone that I could grow old with knowing we'd be there for each other for the long haul.

Thanks for any/all perspectives

Date the older guy, stay friends with your ex. No relationships lost.
 

palakaorion

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When the age difference is enough that one partner could be the parent of the other, there's always the risk of having very different worldviews and/or of one partner taking undue advantages.

If you're really in love with each other, and not just infatuated with the novelty, then pursue it.

As for the ex, he's your ex for reasons. Remember those before considering whether to re-engage with him.
 

triman

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Thanks for all of the perspectives. It helps so much to get insight from this community!

As for the ones asking who is better in bed - the older man, no competition! Every moment is fantastic with him. It is a sweet, charming, and caring love as opposed to novelty. It is so comfortable and intimate. The thoughts I hit on in the first post were points that don't hold me back, but ones I tell myself to consider or at least be aware of. It is good to hear your reactions to those thoughts - acknowledging them and making the most of our time together, while knowing none of us is guaranteed tomorrow. As for my friends/family - I certainly wouldn't be embarrassed at all by the relationship - just another point in the back of my head to be aware of.

As for the ex and those suggesting continue the friendship - that is my preference, but he has said repeatedly that he can't be just friends. That is frustrating. But, as some mentioned, he is an ex for a reason.

Upon reading these perspectives and a bit of reflection, I know my heart leads me to the older gentleman. It is so helpful to bounce it off of others for some candid insight. Thank you all! Please feel free to add on any other thoughts.
 
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socalfreak

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@Snarky_succubus & I are about 14 years apart. She's the younger one. I'm 50. She's 36.
The only time age has come into the discussion is when we realized we were in it for the long haul & talked about final wishes, etc...
I know I found the right one.... And, it had nothing to do with her being younger.
(I tell people that I'm really immature.... So, it balances out. Lol)

In your position, I'd much rather deal with some looks from people I don't know/care about and be happy, than spend the rest of my life wondering "what if.....".
As long as you feel loved, respected, fulfilled .... And you aren't feeling like a "trophy".... Who cares what others think?
Enjoy your life. You only get one.
Love your other half.
Embrace the present.
Good luck to you!

Oh and tell your ex to shove off.
 

Scarletbegonia

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I am enamored, besotted and adore The Guitarist. He’s turning 67 this year, I’ll be 51 a month and a half later.
He’s restrained, concerned about the age gap.
Although his best professional friend has a marriage with an identical gap, his parents had a 15 year gap, and a mutual friend is in a 40 year (no typo, forty) gap.

When he’s not feeling well, or he tells me what his physical revealed, I do, in the haunted dark corners of night, think about what five years and ten years down the line could look like.

But, my mother, of blessed memory, had a boyfriend 16 years younger and she outlived him. The exact opposite of what they’d planned for.
We can’t know, only try to plan.

As for my silver fox (oooh he’d hate that), I know he’s proud to have we with him, but I’m not a bauble. He knows shoulder length silver hair and butt length red hair gets attention, as does the height difference (nearly a foot), and, yes the age difference. No one has said father, but I’ve seen the considering, weighing looks. My dad is 80, for comparison.

I’d rather have a few years with this guy than decades without.
 

Scarletbegonia

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Touching on friends and family, the people who are truly concerned about you, will raise concerns, listen to your view and ultimately, support you in your choice. Because they love you. Or they will help you hash it out.
The Guitarist and I have more bumps over me rattling away peppered with Yiddish than the age issue. I have to stop and translate. He’s a good baptist boychick.
I do know we both wonder what our siblings will say. I’ve sort of given a heads up. He figures that until the occasion comes to meet, there’s no point in borrowing trouble.

Being mixed gender, and me being younger, it’s sort of “silly but expected.”
His male friends in his age group sort of give him a “way to go look.”
Lightly offensive at first, yes. But now, funny. The women of his age group are starting to open up after two years.
My friends range from “so?” to “cool.”
 

Novaboy

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My husband is 13 years older than me. We've been together coming up on 25 years. Sure, there's a chance he might die first. There's also a chance I might get run over by a bus tomorrow or have a heart attack, and I'll die first. There's no way to know.

Point being, there is no point worrying about a future is completely undefined and that you have no control over anyway. It's wasted time and energy that could be better spent enjoying the happiness you have right now.

.
This is me and my partner too! I thought I had written it. We feel exactly the same way and are coming up to 25 years.
 
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