In a bit of a dilemma..

AverageAlexx

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So I have this amazing woman I've been with for 3 years now and she is my everything. I've told her about my liking towards dicks and she didn't judge me or make me feel like a weirdo so she's pretty open and understanding towards me. Well in middle school I did some experimenting with a best friend of mine and it was exciting and I enjoyed it. Years later(now) I'm having heavy fantasies about messing around with a cool guy again. Problem is I don't know if my significant other will be too happy about that. I do not want to cheat but I do feel like I need her consent. If she isn't ok with it, and tells me to be single for that, should I let her go to explore who I am? Is it wrong to want to experiment with a guy while in a committed relationship? I'm just having a hard time deciding what to do. Should I ignore my fantasies? Am I being selfish? Thanks in advance guys!

-Alex
 

AussieBoy24

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Talk to her first, be open and honest. If you lie about it, it isnt going to be a healthy relationship anyway. If she isn't open to the idea, then maybe you could have some kind of compromise, a threesome for example. If she is flat out against it, then you know and can make the decision that seems right for you.
 

AverageAlexx

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Absolutely that's why I said I would need her consent. Definitely want to address this with her, I'm just scared she will be against it. It is something I want to see if it's for me or if its something I can live without. I learn through experience so I feel its something I gotta do to learn.
 

AussieBoy24

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To be honest it doesn't sound like you have many options. You say you want to be honest, you say you need to try it for you....so be honest about it, then make your next move.

It may be a hard decision, but it isn't really a complicated one...
 

AverageAlexx

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Definitely right about the hard part.. Haha
I'm honest enough to know I want it and honest enough to bring it to her attention, so I'm just going to have to talk to her and hope for the best. Thanks man!
 

D_Cox_Ukker

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Also, we don't always get what we want in life. And that's fine, we deal with it because that's the reality of life, we can't have it all.

But we can be extremely happy by focusing on what we have, not on what we don't have (which doesn't mean stalling in an unhealthy situation though).
 

Exbiker

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It is an extremely complicated issue.

At one level, what matters is love and/or relationships. So ... you should tell your partner what you are thinking about. But, I would do that slowly, gradually, rather than all in one go, I think. But, there is a certain dishonesty in holding all of the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle, and then only giving them over one at a time ...

At another level, sexual / physical things, about the sensations your body can have, and can share with another, are also of almost sacred importance. So ... you should do what you need to do to explore some of those feelings. But - be aware ; some of what happens with bodies is actually driven more by minds, and personalities. Possibly even souls ...

You need to be careful not to be creating a fantasy about "other" kinds of sex, that is very far adrift from reality, and then getting disappointed, and regretting what you have lost, in that process.

But, the main overall advice, having said all the above, is ... SLOW DOWN. Just take it all one step at a time, and keep it under careful review in your head. The accurate pictures of who you are, what possibilities you have, and what you can do / should do, is something that most people can only build up fairly slowly.

And some people never really know themselves at all.

Good luck.
 

honeyshugar

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Suggestion... Have you watched any gay porn with her? Maybe try watching some videos of what you would like with her. The videos can serve as a springboard for talking more about the fantasy and what would happen if you (and she) were to experience it in your own life. My hubby is straight (could never have a love relationship with a man) but looks amazing with a dick in his mouth. I thought I would freak out when we first talked about it but it really turns me on. Our sex life has just gotten more and more interesting since :)
 

Phil Ayesho

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If she's your 'everything' then the answer should be simple.

Whatever it takes to stay with a good mate.

You would walk away form a great relationship for a zippless fuck with some guy you haven't even met?

Look... son, here's the hard truth. Good mates are hard to find.
As you get older... they get exponentially harder to find as the best ones get snapped up.

If you wait too long to pick a good one... you end up having to wait until your mid to late thirties when the first round of marriages and long term relationships results in a round of divorces... and even then your taking the risk that the divorcee you hook up with was the one with the real problem that resulted in divorcee.


You might talk with her about the idea of her sexual fantasies.... If you're lucky, maybe her's involved a MMF 3 way... or she might find it hot to watch you do it with a guy.

But all in all... if she's your everything. Stick with her.
 

socalfreak

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It really comes down to: is your desire for some physical pleasure stronger than your feelings towards your girl ?
Her saying she doesn't judge you is nice..... but ' tolerance' and ' acceptance' are very different things .
If this person truly is your " everything", wait.....
Maybe these feelings will pass...... if not, wait for the right time/ place to see how she feels about it.... just be patient. You're young.
It can be tricky trying to bring up topics like bondage & toys into the bedroom , for some people .... so I can't imagine your issue is gonna be easy.
good luck.
 

eric19831

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One of the tags for this thread was "relationship killer" be prepared for that if you talk to her about this. You also need to decided if you are willing to throw away a three year relationship for a romp in the hay with a guy that means nothing to you. Personally I don't believe in open relationships ( that's what this is if you go through with it) If you were my boyfriend and wanted to go experiment I'd say you can't have your cake and eat it too. Good luck with it!
 

AverageAlexx

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You guys are absolutely right and is something I gotta think about and take it slow. Ending something wonderful for something that might have been better left as a fantasy would kill me inside. I'm going to address my feelings tonight with her. I don't necessarily think talking about this is going to "kill my relationship" because we are just talking about it. I can tell her my desires and never go through with them. Don't see why she'd wanna leave me for that. Thanks for all the input everyone!