In a mate, mentally stable or financially stable. Which do you choose?

[D_Inglethorp Rumpshow]

Mentally stable...no question.

 

[goodwood]

mentally stable for sure! i have dated more crazy chicks than i can count and at the first indication of mental issues...thanks for playing and bye-bye.
having been financially well off and having been absolutely broke, money comes and money goes and can always be made, but crazy doesn't just go away so mentally stable is an absolute must in a mate.

 

[blkbro510]

Does it have to be either or? I need both! I rather be the crazy broke boyfriend that they saved! LOL

 

[Turbojetx]

If the question is financially stable in a normal person vs. financially stable in someone with bipolar, you need to understand the situation. "Financially stable" I take it to mean she/he overspends or goes out and buys sh(t that in reality she can't afford or doesn't need. Well if you have bipolar, and are on the up cycle (hypomanic, a little manic) everything looks fabulous to you, unique and you impulsively buy it. So the financially stable issue is a bipolar symptom.

A bipolar person needs to be prompted when things seem awry, as they aren't always aware that they are getting beyond the boundaries of "normal." The prompt is, are you keeping up with your meds as the doctor prescribed them ? Let the bipolar person vent "YES" but just say "I care about you so I was just checking." Then let them go and take care of their meds.

Probably more than you were looking for in your question but I know a little on the issue.
So I think that it is easily controllable.

It is the patient's responsibility to take care of this side of the treatment, taking their meds as prescribed, not the significant other. That always needs to be part and parcel of the equation. But sometimes the bipolar person doesn't have a clue that they are getting a little out of sync. They may also think that they are getting better and go off them of their own choice.

As to dealing with a schizophrenic vs. a bipolar person, I don't know much about schizophrenia but it appears to me to be much more extreme , each end of the spectrum of mania and depression...but absolutely not in touch with reality. For example, a bipolar person may have racing thoughts about how to solve the housing crisis in the city that they live, and verbalizing them, but the schizophrenic thinking that they they are the savior to the city council and showing up at the meeting and babbling on without any coherence.... ? Schizophrenia also involves thinking that someone is after them or going to harm them, with no threat there.

 

[B_Nick8]

Big & bossy words from someone who only has a few tidbits of information. :irked: Actually I started this thread based on a comment Rommette made in another thread. I can understand your being touchy on this topic though, what with you being a trustfund baby and all. You've probably had to kick your share of golddiggers to the curb. :frown1: But don't take it out on me.

I'm not taking anything out on you and you don't have the information you need to make that [kind of very personal] statement.

I don't know anything about your relationship whatsoever and I'm not trying to make any judgments; I'm honestly not. However, it still seems to me that the thread title and subsequent comments come from something personal that bears looking into.

 

[whatireallywant]

The key to most financial instability is underlying mental instability. I should know. That is why so many artists starve; It's nature's way of weeding out the ones who are not attractive enough to be parasites or savvy enough to make salable products.

I am speaking as an artist, mind you...

When it comes to longterm relationships with the mentally unstable, they always hold danger. Financial stability might mitigate against it harming the partner, but even that is not guaranteed. Nope, mental stability is better for longevity.

OTOH how can you truly guarantee that anyone is mentally stable? The very definitions of that are highly subjective and vary in every culture. I was extremely hurt by my ex's constant hounding of me to do things the 'normal' way. What he really meant was HIS way. My ways to address envelopes, do dishes, or a hundred other things broke no laws and did the job. Until we met I had never even had a parking ticket...six years in i was a chronic liar and in therapy.

Hard to say which of us should have been judged less mentally stable. All one can say for certain is that we did not fit each other.

I'm financially unstable now but have not always been financially unstable. From 1995 to 2005 I was fairly to quite stable financially. My mental state hasn't really changed all that much since then, except I'm a lot more worried over money now!

My mate pretty much has to have both. Non-negotiable IMO.

That's pretty much true with me as well, although it depends on the kind of mental instability - if it's a milder, not dangerous kind, I might be able to deal with that. Of course, my longest term relationship was with a guy who was mentally unstable (but not dangerous), and financially unstable both!

mentally stable, obviously.

however, it's mind boggling even today how many women still want/expect a wealthy man to take care of them. what ever happened to equality?

I'm a feminist but actually these days I daydream about finding a wealthy man to take care of me simply because of my current financial condition! I'd prefer to get back to being financially stable myself though. I've just gone through so much these past few years with losing jobs, only being able to find short-term temporary jobs, that sort of thing.

Of course, MORE than daydreaming about finding a wealthy man, I daydream about winning the lottery!

this is a good question
if the mental instability is like she's got some Obsessive Compulsive Behavior or is a real neat freak but is perfectly SAFE then that's a different story
the mental instability needs to be defined

True - and hey, if the guy is a neat freak, he could do all the cleaning and I wouldn't have to do it! :biggrin1: That might be an asset for me! (but not if he jumps on my case all the time for being a slob...)

gotta point out...

'they' estimate 1/3 of people will suffer mental illness at some point in their lives. lots of people suffer a bout of depression, recover within a year and never suffer from it again.
the image of everyone who suffers from mental illness being some gibbering, ranting lunatic who never improves is about as valid as the image of black men as hip hopping drug dealers...it happens but it's not the norm.

True... I've had bouts of depression but they come and go. It entirely depends on what I'm going through in life. Usually what helps me get through it is an organized social activity where I am also being active. It has usually been something physically active, but singing karaoke helps too. It just can't be something passive like just going out to dinner with a group, or going to movies or something like that - I have to be DOING something - whether that's karate, speed walking, karaoke, or whatever. It also seems to have to be with a group of people - walking alone doesn't seem to help, only walking with a group does.

 

[NCbear]

While I think it's irresponsible for a woman to expect a man to be her financial foundation there are also men who want/expect a woman to take care of his emotional needs and coddle him as his parents did during his formative years. No equality there either.

True. Both of my straight brothers are used to trading their money for women who take care of their emotional needs in a rather "traditional" setup. And then they're upset when they have to do some of the work in the relationship.

NCbear (who sometimes thanks God that I'm gay and not saddled with a mommy fixation as my straight brothers are )

 

[Lex]

I would choose mental stability over financial stability (were I forced to choose).

You can declare bankruptcy, start over, learn to manage your bank account better, have one person in charge of money, etc.

There's no curing crazy.

Luckily, I don't have to choose as I have both in my partner. WHEW.

...
NCbear (who sometimes thanks God that I'm gay and not saddled with a mommy fixation as my straight brothers are )

Yeah, cuz that daddy fixation is so much more manageable! :wink:

 

[dolfette]

True... I've had bouts of depression but they come and go. It entirely depends on what I'm going through in life. Usually what helps me get through it is an organized social activity where I am also being active. It has usually been something physically active, but singing karaoke helps too. It just can't be something passive like just going out to dinner with a group, or going to movies or something like that - I have to be DOING something - whether that's karate, speed walking, karaoke, or whatever. It also seems to have to be with a group of people - walking alone doesn't seem to help, only walking with a group does.

so any mate of yours would have to endure bouts of you actually wanting to mow the lawn and get all those bits of DIY done? bummer! :wink:

i could handle being with someone who takes responsibility and has good coping strategies for their problem.

bad PMT is an instability that most people take for granted...just throw chocolate and back away slowly.