In defense of ogling...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by IntoxicatingToxin, Nov 12, 2007.

  1. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Honey, I was just looking! Science defends ogling - Behavior - MSNBC.com

    By Diane Mapes
    MSNBC contributor
    updated 12 minutes ago

    You’re walking down the street with your significant other when something catches your eye. A seductive mouth. A dazzling head of hair. A spectacular pair of … knees. Slowing your pace, you cast a surreptitious glance at the object of your down-low desire. The glance becomes a stare then slowly graduates to an ogle. Suddenly, everything gets quiet — too quiet — and you realize that your lover is now pointedly staring at you.
    Judy McGuire, a dating columnist from Brooklyn, has totally been there.
    “One time I was out with some girlfriends and the plan was to meet up with my boyfriend and his buddy at this bar and when my boyfriend walked up, I didn’t even see him because I was staring slack-jawed at his friend,” says McGuire, author of the forthcoming advice book, “How Not to Date.” “The guy was just really good-looking. My boyfriend laughed about it later but at the time, he was like, ‘Judy!’”
    According to a recent study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, McGuire was only doing what comes natural.
    In a series of experiments on something called “attention adhesion,” a team of psychologists found that every one of the men and women in their study fixated on highly attractive people within the first half second of seeing them and had a harder time pulling their gaze away from good-looking folks than average joes. What’s more, women were just as likely to ogle hotties as men.
    “Our research suggests that it’s inevitable to a degree,” says Dr. Jon Maner, assistant professor of psychology at Florida State University and author of the study. “People’s eyes are automatically captured by attractive members of the opposite sex although our research also suggests that self-control can take over after that initial attentional bias.”
    While the study may be the first scientific proof to back up that old adage, “Hey, I’m married, not dead,” its results may still come as a shock to some, says Dr. David Barash, professor of psychology at the University of Washington and author of “The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People.”
    Just looking
    “People buy into this myth of the perfect mate and how once they find them, they won’t have any interest in anyone else, and that’s just wrong,” says Barash. “If they’re a normal healthy human mammal, they’re likely to be attracted to someone else on occasion. It doesn’t mean that their marriage or partnership is doomed. Nor does it mean they have to act on it.”
    Barash says being upfront with both yourself and your partner about the fact that “attraction happens” is the best way to deal with it — although that doesn’t mean completely giving in to your inner wolf.
    “In the past, I’ve had boyfriends who were real jerks about that stuff, the whole open-mouth, ‘Oh wow!’ and it makes you feel like crap,” says McGuire. “One guy told me Kate Moss was his ideal and I should try to have her body which with my hardy Irish peasant stock would never happen.”
    According to Maner, our constant exposure to Kate Moss and her ilk via a stream of 24/7 media is one big thing that’s changed in the world of ogling.
    “The tendency to look at good-looking folks is rooted in our biological history,” he says. “But nowadays, we’re constantly bombarded by highly attractive people — even unrealistically attractive people — and that can have profound consequences both for the way we see ourselves and feel about ourselves and also for our relationships.”
    Another possibly new development? Shameless horndoggery.
    “We’ve found pretty consistently that the extent to which people find their attention captured by attractive members of the opposite sex really depends upon personality characteristics,” says Maner. “And people who are more sexually promiscuous are much more likely to have their attention captured by attractive members of the opposite sex.”
    McGuire says she eventually broke up with her modelizer boyfriend (as well as another guy who asked her for a photo of her sister) and found a more respectful mate.
     
  2. Osiris

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    That's why my wife let's me look. She has no problem with it and half the time she is looking too. We may see a beautiful woman and we rush home and have incredible sex. We reap the benefits of each others ogling.
     
  3. ManiacalMadMan

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    I always where dark glasses so men do not know always I am ogling them I also carry a handkerchief so to keep them from seeing me drool over ogling their handsome sexy bodies
     
  4. HazelGod

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    Perhaps this was true in generations past, but nobody that I know actually believes such a thing.

    It's interesting to see clinical validation, though. People seem happier when they don't have to carry around feelings of guilt all the time.
     
  5. nicenycdick

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    If you are a person of discriminating taste, you probably go through life with calmness and good sense. But every once and awhile, I see a woman who just catches my eye. I can't help but look...I am discrete, and I never make my wife (if she is there) or the other woman uncomfortable. But, sometimes, that physical attraction is SO strong, I find it amazing. It has only happened a few times in my life...but when it does? God! It is so...animal!
     
  6. whatireallywant

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    Oh, I've always known this! :smile: Just because you're in a relationship with someone doesn't mean you're not going to look at other attractive people - hey, you didn't go blind! :biggrin1:

    I also love that the article said that women are just as likely to do this as men are. Yay for not gender stereotyping!

    I also love being ogled!!! :biggrin1: (on the rare occasion that that happens...or maybe it's not so rare as I think but I'm oblivious to it?)
     
  7. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    :crucified:Finally somebody understands...
     
  8. SpoiledPrincess

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    I'm an ogler, my husband was, it never bothered me, having a good look at the merchandise doesn't mean you intend to eat it all. He never minded men ogling me, in fact he enjoyed it, he felt it was an affirmation of his good taste :)
     
  9. whatireallywant

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    In my two most serious relationships...

    1. He thought that he was allowed to ogle other women, but how DARE I ogle other men! :rolleyes: (yeah, he's the one I had the bitter breakup with.)

    2. We are both oglers and both fine with the other one looking! (and have been in an open relationship for 14 years...) I'm sure he's fine with other men ogling me too. I'm usually oblivious to that, unfortunately - I'd kind of like to know when other men are ogling me! (since I just LOVE attention!)
     
  10. viking1

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    What's wrong with ogling? I ogle everything that I pass by, or that passes by me...
     
  11. SpoiledPrincess

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    When my friend and I used to go to the beach a lot we'd take mirrored sunglasses so we could ogle bulges without being seen to do it.
     
  12. whatireallywant

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    HA!!! I've always wanted to do that! :biggrin1:

    Problem is, with my vision problems I'd need prescription mirrored sunglasses - do they even make those? (I'll have to ask next time I see the eye doctor...)
     
  13. SpoiledPrincess

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    My eyesights crappy but somehow I can manage to spot a good bulge on a beach from five miles away :)
     
  14. Not_Punny

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    So that's what Little Red Riding Hood meant when she said, "My, what big EYES you have!"
     
  15. B_ScaredLittleBoy

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    "...[She] has totally been there."

    is when I stopped reading. If its to be believed I need it in proper English!

    I already knew girls ogle. Why wouldn't they?
     
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