In denial?

[Ryanh1978a]

I’m a man in my 40’s, in a relationship with one kid. I have never strayed in the 7 years we’ve been together. I have increasingly become interested in big cocks, but so far have resisted the urge to do anything. I have for a long while thought that porn had influenced my thinking as I have no attraction to men other than the penis.

However, when I think back to my youth, whenever I saw a big cock it has always stirred something in me. I don’t want to live my life with regrets but I have a lot to lose. There will obviously be people who say ‘tell your wife immediately, how can you live this lie’?! People who have been in my situation will understand the pain I feel, suppressing this desire.

I wish I’d acted out my fantasies when I was younger but I was crippling shy. It is only recently I’ve become comfortable with my body/cock and not so self conscious. It has been truly liberating showing on camera. It has also stirred something inside about worshipping big cocks. I wish there was an easy solution here but I don’t know what to do. Just ignore these feelings, have the occasional wank over porn? Try and get the missus into swinging and explore our fantasies?

 

[jumbo747jet]

Sounds to me as if you're a pretty typical male. It is males who have these size obsessions (or fantasies) and even if some will have you believe that it's only gay men, I can assure you that most men share this size obsession.
You've basically answered your own question about what to do by saying you have no sexual interest in males. Same goes about trying to get your Mrs to get into swinging. It is your fantasy, not her.
Wank yourself silly if you want, fantasising about whatever you wish, or you can give lpsg's weekly cam sessions a go, on Sunday nights, as there you would no doubt be in the company of some rather well endowed gents.

 

[Ryanh1978a]

I have tried the cam sessions but the thought of meeting and sucking a big cock is at the point of distracting me going about my life, thinking about it at work, dreaming about it.

 

[elchippe]

I’m a man in my 40’s, in a relationship with one kid. I have never strayed in the 7 years we’ve been together. I have increasingly become interested in big cocks, but so far have resisted the urge to do anything. I have for a long while thought that porn had influenced my thinking as I have no attraction to men other than the penis.

However, when I think back to my youth, whenever I saw a big cock it has always stirred something in me. I don’t want to live my life with regrets but I have a lot to lose. There will obviously be people who say ‘tell your wife immediately, how can you live this lie’?! People who have been in my situation will understand the pain I feel, suppressing this desire.

I wish I’d acted out my fantasies when I was younger but I was crippling shy. It is only recently I’ve become comfortable with my body/cock and not so self conscious. It has been truly liberating showing on camera. It has also stirred something inside about worshipping big cocks. I wish there was an easy solution here but I don’t know what to do. Just ignore these feelings, have the occasional wank over porn? Try and get the missus into swinging and explore our fantasies?

You may need some Jerk off buddies for some weekends, drink some beer together, maybe some weed together, eat some nachos together, watch some porn together, jerk off together, like some kind of bromance. That will be cool.

 

[Brodie888]

Firstly, you are a shade of bisexual. Your gay component may be under 10% or whatever but it's there and it's common and normal.

It's no different than being that guy who loves big titties but his wife of 20 years is an A cup and how you deal with it is the same.

If your relationship is worth more than satisfying that 10%, then you do as you have and jerk off to satisfy your needs. Considering the majority of your needs are with a woman, I'd say this is your best option as there would be few women out their that would want to share you with other men.

If your need for cock is causing your mental health to deteriorate, then it is in this circumstance that you need to address your relationship. The longer you wait, the higher the cost. Which is kind of why you are in your current predicament buy it won't get any easier.

 

[deleted18388141]

opressing your desire made it grow bigger and exagerated ...
think of this : the more you try to supress it the more it gets more exagerated : you don't fantasize about a dick, but a big one then a bigger one then a bigger one
what you have are called (fantasies) it doesn t mean that if you do it in real life you can enjoy it, or you gonna repeat it again.. or like it...
big dicks are beautiful and enjoyable to play with
the idea of worship for me is coming from all this (what you call denial and I call frustration due to repression)
there are ways to play around this : maybe it's time you start experimenting new things with your wife? it could be an alternative....) and exploration...
I would say : yes porn did influence ... but our desires are never the same, what excited you this much today will always grow till you do it, and then build on another desire that you can't reach...

 

[blah8]

I’m a man in my 40’s, in a relationship with one kid. I have never strayed in the 7 years we’ve been together. I have increasingly become interested in big cocks, but so far have resisted the urge to do anything. I have for a long while thought that porn had influenced my thinking as I have no attraction to men other than the penis.

However, when I think back to my youth, whenever I saw a big cock it has always stirred something in me. I don’t want to live my life with regrets but I have a lot to lose. There will obviously be people who say ‘tell your wife immediately, how can you live this lie’?! People who have been in my situation will understand the pain I feel, suppressing this desire.

I wish I’d acted out my fantasies when I was younger but I was crippling shy. It is only recently I’ve become comfortable with my body/cock and not so self conscious. It has been truly liberating showing on camera. It has also stirred something inside about worshipping big cocks. I wish there was an easy solution here but I don’t know what to do. Just ignore these feelings, have the occasional wank over porn? Try and get the missus into swinging and explore our fantasies?

Well in many cases, the denial is far suppressed that it takes them until their late 40s or even 50s to come into terms. Wish you all the best bbycakes.

 

[Ryanh1978a]

Sorry I realised I didn’t respond to messages here, probably trying to avoid difficult subjects. Not much has changed, still fighting urges. Considered trying to get the missus into cuckholding or swinging. Joined fabswing*rs to explore and the amount of hung men /bulls on there was overwhelming, so much so I had to delete as it was all I could think about, watching them pleasure women and reading their verifications about their sexual prowess.

I have tried abstaining from all adult material but I always come back to it. I wish we still had Nokia phones and no internet, I think the world was a better place then.

I have also found myself looking through my wife’s phone, finding archived messages from exes. Not good I know and I take no pride from this.

Sorry for the long post, sometimes good to get my thoughts on paper and this feels like a safe place.

 

[chrisrobin]

Lots of married guys go through this phase in their lives when they think they are missing out. Likewise many guys fool themselves into following what's expected of them and getting married.
In many ways I would say go out, suck a cock, get tossed off and see if being with a guy is what you like, go from there. I have a few married guys I see when they have the need for a bit of guy company and getting blown. The come to me and cum no strings, don't consider themselves gay but do acknowledge there's a bit of bi in the mix. I don't condemn them, I just do what I enjoy that gives them pleasure.

 

[ILoveGames48]

I met this guy years ago.. he lied to himself to make the family happy .. got married and had one son.. after that he began sleeping on the couch or extra bedroom and kept his feelings hidden for 12 years.. .. he finally told his wife that he had hidden his feelings for too long ..

She said she knew it was something like that going on.. but he assured her he didn’t cheat on her..

They divorced ..no contest .. they got the house assessed for its value and she bought his half off him .. he got his stuff and few other things out of the house his car and so on..


I was the second guy he dated after the divorce .. it wasn’t as much as dating as much as it was him getting fucked a lot as if he was making up for lost time ..

After 6 months or so passed he decided to move back to where his parents lived all I can do is wish him happiness
…


I was never really in the closet .. been openly gay from a time can’t state .. I been with few girls/women.. but I tended to be with more guys

 

[likitisplit]

at 67 and i have strong desires to experience dicks with large heads to fuck my mouth slow to experience that feel. not lucky yet tho as no takers still.

 

[bravesoldier]

I have heard your exact statement come from several bisexual men. I had a really close friend several years ago who said he had no attraction to a guy physically as in kissing, touching, etc., but the cock turned him on. Bisexual, in denial or anything else I believe all men are mesmerized by a big, beautiful cock. If they want to suck one or not, a cock is their equipment and they are a man, therefore a nice, big one is what they desire to have, and many have an attraction and/or fixation with at least the cock.

The first really big one I saw I never got over, to this day. The sight of it is forever etched in my mind.

 

[ILoveGames48]

I don’t know what the big deal is.. if a straight man admires cock that doesn’t make him gay or bisexual ..

And just because he sucks a dick every now and then and let’s a guy suck him doesn’t make him gay either

A lot of straight men will find another woman or another guy— straight or gay that will give them blowjobs giving and receiving.. because their girlfriend/wives won’t do it ..

So they do something to fulfill a need doesn’t brand them gay or bi

But that’s just how I feel.. I’ve sucked a few straight guys cocks and they are still married or getting married or dating a girl..

That’s just how I think about it..

Now if he goes anal more than once then he needs to admit to himself who he really is

 

[dreamer20]

I’m 40+, with madame & one kid. I'm attracted to big cocks, but not done anything as I have a lot to lose. I've long thought porn influenced my thinking.. Some say ‘tell your wife...how can you live this lie’?! Yet others understand pain I feel suppressing my desire. I wish I’d acted out fantasies/ worshipped big cocks when younger...only recently I’m not so self conscious & showing on camera. What to do? Ignore these feelings, have a wank over porn? Try and get the missus into swinging and explore our fantasies?

"The whole of one's sexual activities (including erotic dreams and waking sexual fantasies and daydreams) is called one's sex life". Re your sex life Ryan: you find certain phalluses erotic, but don't view this fact negatively. Enjoy your fantasies. But if you do want to do things in reality, as a couple, do discuss what you each desire with one another.