In love with a straight guy

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by biggestfan, Nov 8, 2007.

  1. biggestfan

    biggestfan New Member

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    Not sure where to write this, as this is my lasy hope...

    I've never been in love before, and ive started to fall deeply in love with a guy at college. Were both 18, and he is straight. Now, he began to flirt ith me, but then i thought, isnt it kinda the way guys are sometime, some are comfortable to hug other guys, but he played footsie with me for like 10 seconds, and then hugs me. But i heard he likes a girl, and he doesnt seem all that straight, and im so in love, that its hard to think about my studies. I am bisexual myself, so i wonder if he is, but i feel mislead, as he flirts, but would rather talk to others in the room. I dont know what to do, as none of my mayes know im bisexual either. Please dont be horrible, as i really need help, im desperate.


    Thanks, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  2. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    Alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. Get him drunk. Really drunk. Ask him then. Maybe even steal a kiss if nobody else is around. You can always deny it later and say it was the booze.
     
  3. kiahman

    kiahman Member

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    Biggest fan,

    College is wonderful time to explore yourself and others, but unfortunately it is also a tough time in lessons of heartache.
    I have a few questions for you: 1) Does he know where you are sexually? If so, he may be testing the waters for his own emotions. If not, be brave and let him know what is going on with you and gauge his reactions before you share the rest of your feelings. 2) Are you all roommates, classmates, fraternity brothers or just buddies?
     
  4. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Oh that does suck!

    It doesn't sound like you know he's straight. You're getting mixed signals. It could be he's bi or even gay. If he hasn't told you what his orientation is then you don't know he really is straight.

    Let me tell you flat out. Ask him out. Now. Before it goes any further. The more you fantasize and wonder and obsess the worse any disappointment will be and more impossible it will be for him to live-up to your expectations should he decide to go out with you. I learned this lesson the very hard way. Fish or cut bait. Don't waffle.

    Do you have a best friend? If so then confide in him. You will need the emotional support of someone physically with you. Coming out is hard, no two ways about it, but in the end you feel so much better about yourself.
     
  5. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Not a great idea and could well make him hate you for it. Sorry HugoB. In this case confronting fears will serve to make biggestfan stronger in the long run and prevent this kind of horrible situation from happening in the future. He's not looking for an NSA hook-up here. biggestfan is in love. That's a whole different sport, not just ballgame.
     
  6. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    I have to agree with Jason here. Ask him outright before you get too carried away. You need to know where you stand before you get in any deeper or keep picking up mixed signals. You may not like the answer but that has to be better then where you are at right now.

    As for your comment about people on this site not being horrible to you, shame on them if they are. IMO it says a lot about the climate on here recently if a young guy thinks he is going to be attacked for asking for advice. Some folks need to read this and be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

    Don't be afriad to post on this site biggestfan. There are a lot of good folks here who will willingly help you.
     
  7. WellHung83

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    Honestly, just bite the bullet and ask him straight out if he is interested in you or just being friendly. When you get a definate answer from him you both can then now clearly define what level you want to take this relationship to, be it new boyfriends or close buddies. But what ever you do, do not get him drunk and try something. You'll only feel bad about using him in such a way and he'll end up feeling cheap and used and feels he cannot trust you as much as he first did, which his constant touching and close body contact seems to imply. But it does suck I know. Some guys are indeed straight as an arrow but at the same time are very touchy feely and are okay with expressing their fraternal love for their mates with hugs, footsie playing and even an occassional kiss on the cheek in greeting and goodbye.
     
  8. vindicator

    vindicator Member

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    Dude, i have been there and done that. I know exactly how you feel. It sucks. I have a tendancy to fall for straight guys.

    We used to spend a lot of time together, jerk off together, compare cocks. He was always pulling it out and showing me his rediculously large cock. :smile: If i had to do it over again I should have told him that i was gay or at least asked him what the deal was. Its unfortunite that i didn't say anything and passed up the opportunity.

    I had feelings for my "straight" best friend and when i came out to him he also came out to me telling me that he was bi and liked dudes too and had relationships with men before. I was floored. I thought he was the straightest straight guy ever.

    So the moral of the story is you can never tell how someone feels by looking at them. You're going to have to ask or try to make a move.
     
  9. bstexas

    bstexas Member

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    I agree with lots of these responses. You hear he has a girl? So what, you could have a girl too since you say ur bi. But who knows if he is exclusively with girls? You gotta find out. You need to be able to deal with ur sexuality as well. You need to be able to say ur bi to him and be able to suffer the consequences from him or anyone else. Because maybe word will get around. And you know what? Fuk em all if they don;t like it. Eventually u'll meet friends who are ok with it and that's better for u. If u ask questions of him and he doesn't mind getting a little closer, then all the better. If he has no tendencies to be with a guy other than the little firlty stuff, then u need to accept that as well. Ur in college and there's lots of exploring ... good and bad. U need to be a "big guy", "adult" about it and accept whatever happens. Best of luck whichever way it goes. You'll be fine and go one and learn one way or another.
     
  10. CUBE

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    I have posted before about the most wonderful straight guy and worse pain I have ever experienced in college. He was straight and did indeed love me as much as he could. The reality is I would always be in pain because I loved him more. I convinced myself I understood it could never be and he was a loving friend. I spent many hours dealing with these feelings. All I can say is that I should have tried harder to find a gay guy to love me for me. I mean all these years later we talk on occasion but I really didn't gain anything from him except the pain. I think I needed the approval of a straight masculine male on some level and he filled the gap. I still love him in my own way I guess all these years later. I don't think it matters that he may or may not be straight. He isn't giving you what you need and you are in love pain. My advice...get involved with other people and fill your time with other chances to meet people...hell just keep busy. If you need to tell him why you must keep busy...then do it. I really hope you get selfish and realize you deserve more. I deserved more too. What you are going through is very hard on the human spirit. It will bleed on to other things like confidence and self worth.
     
  11. Principessa

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    Ask him out when you are alone together, at the very least tell him how you feel. It's not fair to you to torture yourself wondering what if. Trust me I know from experience.:redface:

     
  12. sortofbigthen

    sortofbigthen New Member

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    Land of the free my arsehole
     
  13. invisibleman

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    If you can fall in love with a straight guy, you can climb yourself out of love with one. If you find yourself falling in love with men who can't reciprocate--you need to find out why you are going for these guys.
     
  14. sbeBen

    sbeBen New Member

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    Hehe!:biggrin1:
     
  15. Principessa

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    Whoa, you're right but he has to do one thing at a time. :cool::redface:
     
  16. No_Strings

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    That's due to pop culture homophobia, not heterosexuality.
     
  17. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Believe me dude, if he avoids you when others are around, he likes you. I've been in a similar situation myself at work very recently, except I was the guy who was doing the avoiding. (I'm also much older)

    And be assured, there are lots of guys in this forum who know how painful these situations can be.
     
  18. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    I don't know where biggestfan is from, but I don't think this really holds true in the U.S.
     
  19. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    It's really not that easy to fall out of love, and I don't think this guy needs the advice in the second sentence either. He's only eighteen; it's not like this is a well-established pattern with him; and he's bi on top of it, which complicates it more --- so let's reconsider the clinically detached, simplistic, psycho-babble sort of advice.
     
  20. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Actually I had a wonderful friend in boarding school who was exceptionally affectionate. He'd playfully kiss you on the cheek, give you full body bear hugs, and even fall asleep with his head in your laps. He's straight and always has been. Hell, we even had one guy, also quite straight, in the upper form who was this big hairy goofy guy, very sweet, and he gave the best hugs ever. A Katzander hug could just make your day. Just walk up and ask and he'd oblige.

    I realize boarding school is a very different place than average high schools, but male affection was not discouraged at all. There wasn't anything gay about it, just fulfilling a mutual need for closeness and affection.
     
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