In love with a straight guy

[Principessa]

That's due to pop culture homophobia, not heterosexuality.

Nope. Current American pop culture isn't homophobic; it tends toward the metrosexual, more affectionate man.

I don't know where biggestfan is from, but I don't think this really holds true in the U.S.

I'm glad someone agrees with me! :smile:

Actually I had a wonderful friend in boarding school who was exceptionally affectionate. He'd playfully kiss you on the cheek, give you full body bear hugs, and even fall asleep with his head in your lap. He's straight and always has been. Riiight, I'd stand back because when that closet door flys open you might get hurt. :tongue: Until you got to the falling asleep with his head in your lap thing, I thought maybe he could be Russian or European. Hell, we even had one guy, also quite straight, in the upper form ? Does upper form mean he was a senior? who was this big hairy goofy guy, very sweet, and he gave the best hugs ever. A Katzander hug could just make your day. Just walk up and ask and he'd oblige. I knew an Acadian guy like that when I lived in Mass. He was very flirtatious with all the girls in the church choir, loved to go out to dinner and a movie, gave great hugs and would stop at a goodnight peck as he was celibate. One of those annoying born-again virgins.:tongue:

I realize boarding school is a very different place than average high schools, but male affection was not discouraged at all. Male affection was not encouraged in the high school I attended in the early 1980's. While I did grow up in a bit of a middle-class bubble I don't think my school was unusual for the time period. There wasn't anything gay about it, just fulfilling a mutual need for closeness and affection. The need for closeness and affection was because you didn't have your moms, or your pet sheepdog, or GIRLS! Sorry there is no comparison. :redface: Boarding School!? Jason that really is apples and steak

 

[2322]

Riiight, I'd stand back because when that closet door flys open you might get hurt. :tongue: Until you got to the falling asleep with his head in your lap thing, I thought maybe he could be Russian or European.

No, he's straight. I know him, deeply, and very intimately.

Does upper form mean he was a senior?

He was, yes, but could mean anyone in a form above you.

The need for closeness and affection was because you didn't have your moms, or your pet sheepdog, or GIRLS! Sorry there is no comparison. :redface: Boarding School!? Jason that really is apples and steak

It's a co-ed school.

 

[Guy-jin]

Nope. Current American pop culture isn't homophobic; it tends toward the metrosexual, more affectionate man.

Yeah, but current american culture is quite homophobic.

 

[invisibleman]

Whoa, you're right but he has to do one thing at a time. :redface:

Yeah, I know. I just get so dang pissed off at people who just give their heart to anybody expecting that it is alright.

For example--I was chatting with a friend on Yahoo Instant Messenger. And this woman from Nigeria named Rachel starts chatting with me. She had the animated hearts in the background. (She saw my Yahoo profile picture. ) She revealed that she was enamored with me. She wanted to settle down with me and I told her that I didn't EVEN know her and THAT if she REALLY knew me and had READ my Yahoo profile...she REALLY wouldn't be doing this to herself. I am totally gay. :smile:

I hate that people just fall in love with anyone expecting that it is supposed to be kosher. People can't reciprocate...then they can't. You really have to watch who you offer your heart to...they may end up wiping their feet or their ass on it and give back to you.

 

[invisibleman]

It's really not that easy to fall out of love, and I don't think this guy needs the advice in the second sentence either. He's only eighteen; it's not like this is a well-established pattern with him; and he's bi on top of it, which complicates it more --- so let's reconsider the clinically detached, simplistic, psycho-babble sort of advice.

It is a public forum. I can express whatever I want within LPSG TOS and the Bill of Rights. I don't HAVE to reconsider anything. The original poster of this thread CAN reconsider what I said. He (and anyone else) can freely ignore what I have expressed. I am not the one with the broken heart.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

I understand where you are coming from. I'm a bisexual girl in love with a male who claims he is gay. It's very emotionally taxing to try and handle it. He and I had sex twice after he came out and it was damaging to me. I never really took into deep concern the effect it might have had on him. I think he is inevitably bisexual and very confused and needing a father figure in his life.

From where I'm at now... 7 years in.... I'm going to say cut your losses and move on. It's very very hard to deal with when it advances to something you can no longer control. It will be hard at first but in the end sometimes loosing is easier than loving hopelessly.

 

[Principessa]

Yeah, I know. I just get so dang pissed off at people who just give their heart to anybody expecting that it is alright. It doesn't piss me off I just think it's incredibly stupid and naive. For example--I was chatting with a friend on Yahoo Instant Messenger. And this woman from Nigeria named Rachel starts chatting with me. She had the animated hearts in the background. (She saw my Yahoo profile picture. ) She revealed that she was enamored with me. She wanted to settle down with me and I told her that I didn't EVEN know her and THAT if she REALLY knew me and had READ my Yahoo profile...she REALLY wouldn't be doing this to herself. I am totally gay. :smile: Settle down with someone you don't even know!?!? What if your profile photo was fake? (I'm told that happens sometimes on the internet ) She's nuts, I bet she has a crocheted princess toilet paper cover on the back of her toilet. :tongue: I bet she thought she could change you too.:biggrin1: I hate that people just fall in love with anyone expecting that it is supposed to be kosher. People can't reciprocate...then they can't. You really have to watch who you offer your heart to...they may end up wiping their feet or their ass on it and give back to you.

Ain't that the truth! Even when I am careful I sometimes end up having my heart hurt. :redface:

 

[reallyhot]

I think Cube and many others have shared their advice freely and I really respect that!
I would say take what you can use and leave the rest. It really is your choice.
You've got to live with your choices at the end of the day whether it brings heartache or Joy. Just be prepared knowing it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Sometimes it takes a failed relationship to break open your heart so you can truly learn what love is.
It's a tough lesson sometimes and I feel for you because I know exactly what you're going through. Been there done that.
Don't do what I did, I stuck my head in the sand and hoped it would work out in the end. It didn't.
I would encourage you to muster up your courage and bite the bullet so to speak, Definately be open and honest about who you really are.
If it's meant to be it will work out , If not then you need to accept it even if it hurts and move on...Time does heal all wounds...Just don't let it become a festering wound that will hurt you more in the end. Remember it's your life...Make it your priority, There really are thousands of fish in the sea, actualy more!!! It's one of life's challenges...Make the best of it.
Don't hide from life, face it head on...it's important for your own sake and your mental health. Choose to feel Good no matter what. Pain never feels good. Make the right choice for You! Hopefully these words are helpful.
Sometimes it hurts, but it's better to heal and move on if need be.
Best wishes!!!

 

[invisibleman]

Quote:

For example--I was chatting with a friend on Yahoo Instant Messenger. And this woman from Nigeria named Rachel starts chatting with me. She had the animated hearts in the background. (She saw my Yahoo profile picture. ) She revealed that she was enamored with me. She wanted to settle down with me and I told her that I didn't EVEN know her and THAT if she REALLY knew me and had READ my Yahoo profile...she REALLY wouldn't be doing this to herself. I am totally gay. :smile: Settle down with someone you don't even know!?!? What if your profile photo was fake? (I'm told that happens sometimes on the internet ) She's nuts, I bet she has a crocheted princess toilet paper cover on the back of her toilet. :tongue: I bet she thought she could change you too.:biggrin1: ​

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INVISIBLEMAN: I hear that there are women who can change gay men to straight. Unfortunately, I would love to them that only I had that power. Hehehe. ​

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I hate that people just fall in love with anyone expecting that it is supposed to be kosher. People can't reciprocate...then they can't. You really have to watch who you offer your heart to...they may end up wiping their feet or their ass on it and give back to you.​

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Ain't that the truth! Even when I am careful I sometimes end up having my heart hurt. :redface:

Yeah, one truism about love--regardless of your sexual orientation--straight, gay, bi, or whatever--whoever you give your heart to you give them permission to do whatever they will with it...especially disappoint you. Not that I was insensitive to the plight of the original poster--It does hurt because you expected things to last. You expected a certain outcome(s) and "didn't get what you wanted for Christmas from Santa" (a cute metaphor disguised as "simplified psychobabble". Hehehe.:smile

To all those out there in cyberspace:
But you don't have to believe a word I write, you can go the road of experience. You can fall in love with whomever you choose and test the truism for all it is worth. There are people out there that prove me wrong.
If you ever find a devoted true love, YOU HAD BETTER NOT TRY AND FUCK IT UP. IF YOU DO, YOU HAD BETTER HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU CAN UNFUCK IT UP OR SUFFER FOOLS. YOU HAD BETTA RECOGNIZE AND LOVE RIGHT!!!!.

Invisi.

 

[invisibleman]

Yeah, but current american culture is quite homophobic.

Yeah. American culture. What in the fuck is that?

Homophobia (like any other prejudice) isn't good for men at all. If men didn't learn homophobia, think of how free one would feel. No more fear of being 'homosexual". No more wondering who is gay and who is not. No more perceptions and rigid definitions of what a "real" man is supposed to be. [Sarcasm begins] When do we EVER become "real" men? [Sarcasm ends.]

 

[B_625girth]

I worked with a guy I suspected of being gay. We would stop after work and have a few drinks, my other friends came to me with "is that guy gay?" I told them I didn't think so, just a little efeminate. After 6 months of hanging out, with me, with me and my wife, drinking, smoking, watch HBO, pizza, etc, he tells me one night that he is gay, and loves me. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Well, I'm not gay, not even a little bit. so we cooled it for awhile and then resumed our friendship, until our jobs were moved and we went in separate ways. But we still got together once a year until AIDS came out, and out of ignorance and fear I told him, let's not get together anymore. I regret that, but he was being very open about his sex life and was running around with 2-3 men at a time. I had small kids and we had no clear idea where AIDS was coming from, only thing for sure, gay guys were getting AIDS.

One of the funniest things that happened was after I knew he was gay, about a year later, he got laid by his cousin's friend. a lady!!!! He had never had pussy in his life. He was so excited. he had been having sex with men for over 10 yrs and had never tried it with a woman. I know he laid a few more gals after that, but the gals dropped the bisexual dudes cuz of AIDS.
Last I heard he had found a life partner, a guy and they were happy. So that's good for them

 

[B_Hung Jon]

Not sure where to write this, as this is my lasy hope...

I've never been in love before, and ive started to fall deeply in love with a guy at college. Were both 18, and he is straight. Now, he began to flirt ith me, but then i thought, isnt it kinda the way guys are sometime, some are comfortable to hug other guys, but he played footsie with me for like 10 seconds, and then hugs me. But i heard he likes a girl, and he doesnt seem all that straight, and im so in love, that its hard to think about my studies. I am bisexual myself, so i wonder if he is, but i feel mislead, as he flirts, but would rather talk to others in the room. I dont know what to do, as none of my mayes know im bisexual either. Please dont be horrible, as i really need help, im desperate.


Thanks, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sorry to hear you're suffering and heart-broken. I think it's just human nature to feel these things when you're infatuated with a person. It takes some work to figure out why you're feeling what you are. Guys your age fall in love with girls (as well as other guys) all the time. Girls do the same thing. What's helped me in the past is to be able to spend time with the person so your fantasies about them don't control your emotions. You slowly begin to see them as a human being just like you, and stop idealizing them. It just makes things more realistic. Take care, and love yourself too. :biggrin1:

 

[B_RedDude]

now I know for sure that you're completely full of shit! And your heart is probably too cold to ever be broken!

It is a public forum. I can express whatever I want within LPSG TOS and the Bill of Rights. I don't HAVE to reconsider anything. The original poster of this thread CAN reconsider what I said. He (and anyone else) can freely ignore what I have expressed. I am not the one with the broken heart.

:Originally Posted by RedBoy2

It's really not that easy to fall out of love, and I don't think this guy needs the advice in the second sentence either. He's only eighteen; it's not like this is a well-established pattern with him; and he's bi on top of it, which complicates it more --- so let's reconsider the clinically detached, simplistic, psycho-babble sort of advice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by invisibleman

If you can fall in love with a straight guy, you can climb yourself out of love with one. If you find yourself falling in love with men who can't reciprocate--you need to find out why you are going for these guys.

 

[MovingForward]

Well I had a straight friend who I was interested in. So i just let it slip one day that I liked guys. He still hung around, and we would go play pool, and what not but I never pushed it. Then one night we were hanging out and we drank a little, talked a little, and had a whole lot of sex. Honestly the wonders alcohol would do. I have never had an attraction to a straight guy. I have always had attraction to straight guys who turn out to be not so straight.

 

[invisibleman]

now I know for sure that you're completely full of shit! And your heart is probably too cold to ever be broken!

Oh, whatever you say, darlin'. [Sarcasm begins] You know me better than I know myself. [Sarcasm ends.] :smile:

Unrequited love is a bitch, huh? You can fall in love with a straight man. Get all twisted. Get all sprung. He'll be leaving with his girlfriend and leaving you with blue balls and a broken heart. Boo hoo.

 

[Principessa]

Oh, whatever you say, darlin'. [Sarcasm begins] You know me better than I know myself. [Sarcasm ends.] :smile:

Unrequited love is a bitch, huh? You can fall in love with a straight man. Get all twisted. Get all sprung. He'll be leaving with his girlfriend and leaving you with blue balls and a broken heart. Boo hoo.

I'm with you Invisibleman. I believe that while you can't help whom you are attracted to, you can control with whom you fall in love. Quite frankly I'm getting a little tired of all these threads about gay guys falling in love with straight guys and not knowing how to make this man love them. WTF?!? Though to be fair the man the OP is interested in is not straight.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

I'm with you Invisibleman. I believe that while you can't help whom you are attracted to, you can control with whom you fall in love. Quite frankly I'm getting a little tired of all these threads about gay guys falling in love with straight guys and not knowing how to make this man love them. WTF?!? Though to be fair the man the OP is interested in is not straight.

I don't think you can control whom you fall in love with....

 

[invisibleman]

I'm with you Invisibleman. I believe that while you can't help whom you are attracted to, you can control with whom you fall in love. Quite frankly I'm getting a little tired of all these threads about gay guys falling in love with straight guys and not knowing how to make this man love them. WTF?!? Though to be fair the man the OP is interested in is not straight.

Then, why is the thread entitled "In love with a striaght (sp) guy?"
I think that is what this thread's title says.

[Sarcasm begins] Yeah, I am tired of a lot of my own simplistic psychobabble. [Sarcasm ends] :smile:. Hehehe.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I don't think you can control whom you fall in love with....

Think_Kink

You're completely right about that!

:biggrin1:

 

[invisibleman]

I don't think you can control whom you fall in love with....

Are you sure? :smile: