In love with best mate

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by LCJ1, Mar 24, 2010.

  1. LCJ1

    LCJ1 New Member

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    Okay so me and a pal have both been in straight relationships (marriage) but have both recently separated from partners. 'Discovered' each other after many beers and I now have feelings for this guy which won't go away. We are both hiding stuff from everyone but he is more dismissive of me and stuff afterwards like not acknowledging what happened the night before, then coming round using my PC to look up birds on various websites. Both of us like the lady bits but can't get our hands of each other on a Friday night!
    I am close to his family and any revelation would be devestating to him and his family but we both know what we like. Should we keep our stuff secret and keep having happy nights or do I knock it on the head and spend the rest of my (our) lives in secret?
     
  2. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

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    Because your separation from your previous partners have been so recent, you are really vulnerable to strong feelings and attachments. Stick with your friend and just take it a day at a time. What should happen will gradually be revealed. Yes, I do think you should keep this secret for the time being as it could potentially hurt others. You will both know what to do in time. All the best to you and your mate.
     
  3. sinbad1

    sinbad1 Member

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    JCJ1, I would take baby steps mate. Many people - male/female, straight/bi/gay, turn to friends during difficult or changing times for friendship, understanding and even sexual stimulation.
    Yes you may have feelings for your best friend at this moment but what are the feelings telling you truthfully. I have deep, long term commitment to the guy or are you merely feeling lust because hooking up on Friday's is easy and feels good.
    Try doing non sexual things together and see where things go ...just don't jump from one relationship to another thinking that everything will be perfect. Everything takes time and effort but most of all both people have to want to be in the same place at the same time for it to work.
     
  4. LCJ1

    LCJ1 New Member

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    Cheers coach. Yes we are both vulnerable and searching for attention - this is the first time something like this has happened to me before but now I am massively questioning my sexuality. At a 'shade over 40' I am scared and excited at the same time but don't want to be dumped a 2nd time - I guess I have to be real and see how things pan out and accept a good night with my bud when it happens. He's bloody georgeous!
     
  5. LCJ1

    LCJ1 New Member

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    Thanks Sinbad - I look forward to when we hook up with anticipation that something might happen later. I think he might look to me as more of a daddy - providing comfort (and finance for bar tab!!) which I am more than happy to do. Not in as buying a shag but just beacause I can and I like to do it.
     
  6. sinbad1

    sinbad1 Member

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    LCJ1, it seems as though you have the answer to your own question. Enjoy it, see where it goes, it will all work itself out in the end. ONE STEP AT A TIME
     
  7. LCJ1

    LCJ1 New Member

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    Okay will remember 'One Step At A Time' and try and pace myself - but just can't get him out of my head 24/7 Aaaarghhhh!!!!
     
  8. juliachild

    juliachild New Member

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    well from the advice you are getting ( i didn't read the last couple) it seems everyone advises 'slow and steady'. I've had a long relationship that began the same way, and it is not use ttrying to put a label or a shelf-life on it right away. Keep having the same good times you've been having, and for heaven's sake, don't breathe a word about it to a soul at this point. That kind of fear and backlash could kill it at the start, and what a waste that would be. It is more complex than just meeting a new girl at this point. It takes guts to be gay, live gay, and love gay, and with your mutual history you owe it to yourselves and everyone else to do it right , and quite privately and slowly.
     
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