In love with my best friend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Dragon88, Aug 1, 2008.

  1. Dragon88

    Dragon88 New Member

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    I have this huge problem and I don't know how to solve it. I am bi, and have been the last three years, but I have never fallen in love with another guy... until now. We went to school together for one year and I have told him my darkest secrets, who almost no-one else knows about. We have a very close friendship and I love spending time with him, because we're so much alike. Now, I think about him all the time and I think I love him. I want to tell him, but I don't know how he will react. I am not sure about his sexual orientation, because there are different signs. The one that tells me he's straight is: he's deeply religious (Christian). But on the other hand; he never talks about girls or sex. I guess he is straight, but I'm not 100% sure.

    I care so much about him and I really want to tell him about my feelings, but I suppose that if I tell him and he doesn't have the same feelings for me, our friendship is destroyed forever. I don't wanna risk our friendship. What should I do?
     
  2. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    I've been there myself...........I THOUGHT I was in love with one of my best friends.....My advice to you is just "sit with" those feelings and continue to be a friend........If "something" is supposed to happen, it will......For me, my amorous feelings gradually abated and now we're close friends....JUST friends
     
  3. exwhyzee

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    I agree with Indy. I have had those feeling too. I was in love with my best friend from high school. He is married now with three kids (his oldest son was named for me!). I still feel most comfortable with him above any other person, and we were never sexual. He was the first person I came out to, and I described my first sexual experience to him (he even bought me a box of condoms to do it!), but we never crossed that line and thats ok.

    As a friend, you can talk about yourself, your own wants and desires. But you have to let him have the choice to share his sexuality with you, if he wants to. He may never want to, but you can be friends for the rest of your life.

    Be respectful, listen, and be a friend.
     
  4. horneyoldguy

    horneyoldguy New Member

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    I am not gay but agree with the what the two guys previous to my comment has said. What ever will be will be. If you are not familiar with this phrase it is from the Alfred Hitchcock film, "The Man Who Saw Too Much' starring Jimmy Stewart and Doris Day.
     
  5. killerb

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    I've been in your friend's position before & when the guy finally told me how he really felt I was very angry because he had been so deceptive & secretive about it all along...I felt that he should have been honest from the beginning. At least I wouldn't have felt like I had been lied to all along.
     
  6. Gnashin Teefe

    Gnashin Teefe New Member

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    i've been there too, and i feel for you. you are in a tough spot (as I was also). i think you just need continue to show your friendship in sincere ways and leave it at that. if something more develops, it needs to happen naturally and in a mutual fashion. given his religious background, i would guess that any attempt on your part to force the relationship to a different level (especially sexual) would probably end in ruin. for my situation, it's been years and i still love him to this day. however, my emotions have leveled out with age, and i no longer feel tortured by it. hang in there.
     
  7. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    There's nothing wrong with loving your friend but it takes it to a whole other level if sexuality is involved. Be certain it's something you both want and need, and not just the heat of the moment. As peeps have said before, you might lose a friend over this. Be careful with your emotions and his.
     
  8. dreamer20

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    ^^What he said. There's nothing wrong with you being affectionate, telling him that you love him and care deeply about him. Christ requested that we love one another. You already know you can trust each other with your deepest secrets. Trust your instincts and proceed with caution.:cool:
     
  9. Domisoldo

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    Don't ruin it just yet man.

    I was ridiculously infatuated with my best friend in college too; he was straight. Although he had a GF, we spent so much time together, in class, at the library, at the gym, on trips, at my parents' place and his...He meant the world to me and yet I could never tell him how much I cared for him even when the bond was obvious and campus girls thought we were brothers.

    My advice: Simply because he doesn't talk (to you) about chicks and sex doesn't make him gay. He may simply be asexual, may not have found the right girl, or be uptight about discussing the matter (as some religious people are...sometimes :wink:).

    Continue being the best friend you can for him and it will have its own rewards. I agree with the previous posters. If it's meant to happen it will soon enough.
     
  10. CUBE

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    Much like the above I fell for my straight college buddy. He loved me too as much as he could and even, if you can believe it, apoligized to me for not being able to go there with me. We did try a night together. It was hard on us and not what I had dreamed of. The funny thing was on many levels I was ready to move on and just be close friends. He really only could see me as a type of "X" in his life. We still talk a few times a year and it is magic between us as friends yet he just can't be my regular friend on a daily basis. It is too hard. I will always love Ronnie even though I always wanted someone to love me back and he couldn't. I will always love Ronnie even though he was not right for me. I wasted a lot of time with him/over him. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. When I look back I realize I had depended on him too much and needed to develop a life away from him sooner. This means getting involved with others, keeping busy, setting my own goals. Today, I still hope of a time when we can just meet as friends and enjoy each other and laugh because (my god) we had so much fun together. This is my advice to you. Hugs.
     
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