In love with my best friend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by SornSorn, Aug 20, 2008.

  1. SornSorn

    SornSorn New Member

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    Hi,
    I have a problematic situation to say the least, which i was hoping i could get some helpful advice for, from the people on the forums.

    Basically, im a girl and i've recently fallen in love with my best friend who i have known for years now but the only thing is, she's straight. I want her to know, but at the same time im terrified that we would lose the friendship that has been most important to me my whole life. I know that keeping it bottled up will no do me any good but I dont know if I could say anything to her unless i KNEW for sure that she had similar feelings.

    HELP!! lol
     
  2. Gl3nn

    Gold Member

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    Sorry to say, but the best thing is to say nothing if you're scared of losing her.
    But then again, if she really is your best friend, she'll stay friends with you no matter what.

    It's up to you, but I say don't give in to those feelings and you'll meet someone else soon enough. That way you don't risk the friendship either.
     
  3. psidom

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    i would not rush myself to tell her.

    give her time to explore life and she may find herself open
    to the idea in years to come.
    everyone has the thought sometime in there life.

    my girlfriend i know is very straight...
    but with the right girl she says she would be willing to go bi.
    the chances of her meeting that girl is very rare.
    i say give it time,see how your friend grows as a person.
     
  4. ZOS23xy

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    Sometimes falling in love with a best friend is often a way to tell yourself that should be be exploring your needs a little bit harder, try to deal with other people, and not get involved with something that seems safe and insulated. It doesn't feel like you win and you could loose much more than you could ever gain.
     
  5. HungCuck09

    HungCuck09 New Member

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    My best friend came out to me by introducing me as his lifemate at a party with a lot of bohemian friends of his. I turned to him and said 'what the f?'

    Everyone there said, 'ooooh hubby is mad at the wife!'

    That was when all his behavior over the years made sense. I was 20 and had come face to face with my best friend turning out to be gay.

    BTW he was a mean person when confronted with women and minorities, now I know where it came from. He was living a lie and trying to be happy at the same time.

    He is a happy bottom with an older black man now. His Italian old fashioned father does not talk to him anymore and he had to move 200 miles away from his hometown, to be safe from the rural homophobes

    We never hung out alone again after that day. I just did not want anyone in our small town thinking I was part of his lifestyle. Nothing wrong with it, but not me at all.

    You may lose your friend forever is she is totally straight. If she gushes about men and boys all the time, I'd keep things to myself. She will never feel the same about you and she will try to put a man between you to affirm her orientation.

    My GF would not let me talk to him without her present after she heard he was gay.
     

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    #5 HungCuck09, Aug 20, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2008
  6. Stephenmass

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    Being afraid of who you really are is actually quite normal, especially in a world full of homophobes. It is NOT a choice made by you at some point, you just are, same as a straight person is straight.

    I reached a point in my own life where I said to myself if people do not accept me for who I am completely, then it's more their problem then my own.

    You could come out to her as gay without letting her know you are interested in her and see how she responds to just your being gay. Based on how deep her homophobia is, she may reject you as a friend, or accept you fully, or somewhere along the spectrum, whichever makes her comfortable. Some homophobes look at it as if they can "catch it" if they hang around with you; absurd.

    Or you can choose to remain closeted, it is solely a personal choice as to when and where you come out or never come out.

    I personally found the closet to be too cramped and finally found the courage to come out. It still was not an easy decision.
     
  7. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Wow, that's really sad.

    I hope you stick around because there are a lot of gay guys here and I think you'll discover a lot of things you didn't know about gay people. Perhaps you will someday be able to reconcile with your friend. I hope so.

    Welcome to LPSG!
     
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