In lust with a "straight" guy

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jerryhall, May 10, 2009.

  1. jerryhall

    jerryhall New Member

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    I need help. I have worked with a black guy for about 10 years, and have always had a crush on him. I am white, gay (he doesn't know) and he is straight. I own the company so he is my employee. I really like him and care about him so I have learned to keep my feelings private, not wanting to complicate things. Plus, don't want to harass an employee.

    Now the company is being sold and he is going to stay on and I am going to leave. I am really sad that I can't take my relationship with him to another level and that we really aren't friends outside of work.

    He has never had a girlfriend and is a real loner, so I imagine myself with him in bed, I would only be the gay fuck buddy or something, but he would hold on to his straight identity. Maybe he is bi? Black guys help me out here, is it possible he is just incredibly discrete?

    What should I do? Should I tell him? Should I invite him out to dinner and get him drunk? HELP!
     
  2. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    Perhaps invite him out for drinks and a dinner under the premise of thanking a loyal worker for his years of service to you since you are leaving. This might give you some time to pick his brain a little. Normally, I would say let it go and move on but you say he's a loner and that he's never had a girl friend. Might be closeted bi or gay. How does your "gaydar" feel around him?
     
  3. nashboy

    nashboy Active Member

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    how does he interact with you? meaning, he knows your gay? does he flirt or tease at all?
     
  4. Blackoak747

    Blackoak747 New Member

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    On one of the work day follow him to the restroom after 2 mintues if you have stall then piss beside him and start a little conversation about hang out at the bar or Hooter. Then you all can work on the detail later. You just want a yes at first.
     
  5. Principessa

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    :rolleyes: Here we go again, leave him alone. Move on with your career and your life, and find somebody gay who can reciprocate your feelings. Stop torturing yourself. :cool:




    FWIW: I have never seen so many gay men crushing on straight guys in my life, as there are on this site. :eek: I don't understand it. :confused: It's not like there is a shortage of nice gay men out there. Hell, when I was looking, I would meet 3 gay men for every one straight guy. :irked: Maybe you need to adapt the persona of a fabbo, straight, black girl like myself. :wink::biggrin1:
     
  6. DiscoBoy

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    If you're absolutely sure he's straight, don't even bother. You're just setting yourself up for a world of hurt. If this is the case, honestly, move on.

    If you're just assuming that he's straight, then you should probably invite him out to dinner and express your feelings for him. At this point, you don't have much to lose.
     
  7. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    That's correct - I was wondering if you KNOW he's straight or just assume he is because he's not one of the more "out and proud" gay guys.

    I work in a factory and I don't bring my sexuality into the workplace. I think many there would be very surprised to find out I am gay. I get flirted with everyday from women.
     
  8. vince

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    What is this talk about scheming to get with a guy? I don't usually tell grown-ups how to live, but come on...

    Think about it. You employed this guy for 10 years, he's a nice guy, you like him, he probably likes you, and you are thinking to invite him out now to get him drunk and see if you can get lucky? Whatever happened to letting life happen without all the drama and scripted scenerios.

    If you've worked together 10 years you should be taking him out just because you want to thank him. Not for some underhanded reason. I think it's rude. Leave the man alone.

    If you really want to express your feelings and take a chance, man-up and come out of the closet when you are sober. Then see what happens.
     
  9. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    Seems like the OP speaking of getting the dude drunk was more just tongue in cheek.

    I don't condone getting someone drunk in order to get them interested. Must confess, I've never had to do that.

    I do however think it's ok to invite someone out for dinner to try to figure out the situation away from the workplace. Gays have to proceed more cautiously than straights. It's not like a guy asking a girl out for drinks to try to figure out if she's interested in him.

    LOL - I wonder how many straight guys would see no problem with asking a girl out for drinks to try to get into her pants? I hear that shit every day. Talk about a double standard.
     
  10. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    To the OP - Ask the dude out to dinner and at the end of the night, just be sincere and be ultra-polite and ask "I've always wondered something - You are a very straight acting guy but I've never heard you mention a girlfriend. I was just curious if your were gay or bi".

    If you are re-buffed, you should sincerely apologize for any misunderstanding. You are leaving the workplace anyway.

    I think that those who are REALLY uncomfortable around gays would have a problem with that approach. If it is sincere and non confrontational, you really shouldn't have a problem.
     
    #10 Fredro, May 11, 2009
    Last edited: May 11, 2009
  11. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    LOL too true.

    njqt466-I take it you have not been on sites with lots of bisexual/gay men?

    I stopped going to most bisexual/gay male boards mainly because of the fantasy based threads that went like "OMG I had sex with a REAL straight guy last night!" or "How do I get this hot straight guy to have sex with me?".

    It all gets rather tiresome after awhile.

    Jerry-If you own the company or will be his soon to be ex-boss/manager, do not have sex with, or date an employee at all.

    He could be any of those orientations but just a very private person?

    When I have dated/slept with someone who I did work with even when they were a gay man who was on an equal level with me in the company (he was not a manager/boss or even in my department), it did not always go so well and I will never do it again.

    If I were someone's boss/manager or held power over them, or once did hold power over them in the workplace I would never do this or consider doing it, it just seems like an abuse of power/workplace status and very tacky.

    If you do value him as an employee take him out to dinner as a way of rewarding him for his decade of hard work, not to try to date him or have sex with him.
     
    #11 D_Jerry_Atric, May 11, 2009
    Last edited: May 11, 2009
  12. BigDallasDick8x6

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    I think it's kind of rude to put him on the spot like that. I would do the dinner thing, thank him for his service, and tell him that YOU are gay but keep things like that out of the workplace, but are telling him now because you consider him a friend and ask him if he knew all this time. Much more classy that way.
     
  13. vince

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    You're right, it happens everyday. It's still a lame way to start anything with either sex.

    It's a bit of a sore point with me. I've been hit on hundreds of times and I hate people being deceptive about it. I'd much, much rather have someone come up to me in a bar, grab my ass and say something like, "That's hot, wanna fuck?", than play around trying to get me drunk so they could be brave enough to make a move.
     
  14. Fredro

    Fredro New Member

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    Yep - All you guys make some really valid points. Especially the point about not putting co-workers into uncomfortable situations.

    So, after the OP no longer works there for a few months, would it still be improper?
     
  15. BigDallasDick8x6

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    It's not really that surprising when you think about it. Many gay men feel that str8 guys are more masculine. (Whether that's true or not doesn't matter. What matters is many gay guys believe it.) A site devoted to large penises is by definition going to have people who are drawn to the acme of maleness. And therefore the gay men on this site are going to be very interested in the str8 men here. To some extent that is true in society overall, but it will be even more exaggerated here, as you correctly pointed out.
     
  16. BigDallasDick8x6

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    I think it's tacky to ask someone how much they weigh, how old they are, what their sexual orientation is, etc. If you want to tell them that information about YOU, then do so. They then have a chance to come forth with that information themselves if they so desire or they can keep it private. You haven't put them on the spot. It's just good manners regardless of whether they are an employee, ex-employee, or never were one of your employees.
     
  17. musclemonkey5

    musclemonkey5 New Member

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    So, after the OP no longer works there for a few months, would it still be improper?[/QUOTE]

    Imporperness aside.. asuming he is straight
    Just put yourself in his shoes and pretend you are not gay, and some gay guy you have worked with for TEN years suddenly comes onto you and you have to tell him you are not interested. No body wants to deal with that kind of situation..
     
  18. gcbenji0

    gcbenji0 Member

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    If you own the company, and you make advances toward him, beware. Because you could put him into a situation where he could sue you for sexual harassment, and before you know it, he might own the company. :tongue:

    But seriously, sexual harassment claims between two men carries the same legal weight as a man harassing a woman.
     
  19. DiscoBoy

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    Agreed. If the OP does end up taking this person out, he should be the one to come out to his former employee. If he's lucky, the feelings will be reciprocated and everything will work out. If not, move on.

    The OP obviously holds strong feelings for this man. Ten years is a long time. If we're only assuming the man is straight, then I believe the OP should still come out to him and express his feelings. Why give up on a chance like this simply because the other man may not feel the same way?
     
    #19 DiscoBoy, May 11, 2009
    Last edited: May 11, 2009
  20. Honey123

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    What he said...

    (well put Vince)
     
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