In need of some opinions

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by HairyTXdude, Sep 11, 2010.

  1. HairyTXdude

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    So I started this link on a different forum, because this site I can delete the topic on and you cant here, because I really in need of some advice, But those guys are kinda harsh, So Can ya'll lend a guy some kind thoughtful advice or opinions? :frown1:
     
    #1 HairyTXdude, Sep 11, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2010
  2. HairyTXdude

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  3. chrisj428

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    Unfortunately, what I am going to tell you isn't going to make you happy:

    I had a very "strange" relationship with a very good friend of mine. While he was dating his girlfriend. That song "Hot & Cold" pretty much sums him up -- too bad I hadn't heard it eight years earlier.

    Needless to say, man, it didn't end well. The three of us never talk now where before he and I were inseparable.

    So, if you're willing to gamble the relationship, then go for it. I'll tell you, though -- the harder you try to hold on, the stronger they'll squirm. So, if you decide to go for it, then you'd both better be on the same page vis-a-vis monogamy. Otherwise, it's going to end in tears.

    Sorry to deliver the harsh news -- you seem to be a good guy and I don't want to see you get hurt.
     
  4. HairyTXdude

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    Do you think I would have been different if the girlfriend wasn't involved?
     
  5. chrisj428

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    With him? Perhaps. Although, given his very strict Polish Catholic upbringing, it probably was at a plateau already. However she and I tugged at him emotionally like two kids fighting over a teddy bear.

    So, while that would have probably been avoided, it wouldn't have gone much further, but I'm sure it would have gone on longer.
     
  6. HairyTXdude

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    Im hoping that the fact that he doesn't like dating could work to my advantage...maybe? :worried:
     
  7. chrisj428

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    Here's the thing -- you need to define with him (as well as yourself) what the limits are. If you're just looking for a FWB, it's going to be difficult to ask for monogamy. And, if he doesn't like dating, chances are he's going to be "wolf"ing around.

    Jealousy is a terrible thing. When he was spending the night at her place, I found myself seeing green at every turn. Jealousy prompted me to exert an even tighter grip on out relationship and it was this grip (from both sides) from which he finally extricated himself.

    It sounds to me as though the situation with your friend is similar, except that instead of him having a girlfriend per se, it's his "freedom" tugging on the other arm.
     
  8. HairyTXdude

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    I just want it to be me and him best friends only sleeping with each other...is that wrong? :frown1:
     
  9. killerb

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    it's not wrong for you to want that - it's just unrealistic...

    do yourself a favor and break it off with this guy...he's never gonna stop dating girls...and face this fact: he just might end up getting married.
     
  10. chrisj428

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    No, its not. :) That's an awesome arrangement.

    You just need to be sure he's down with that as well. And, if he's not, you have to decide how you feel about that. The slowest hiker in the group sets the pace. So, if your friend is not to the point you are, you either have to be ready to go at his pace or go a different route.

    I would have loved it if my friend was on the same page as I was. Unfortunately, he wasn't. And instead of being content to be on his page with him, I wanted more -- something he wasn't able or ready to do.

    You two need to talk. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. If he's willing to make the commitment to monogamy, then you're good to go. And, I hope that's the case for you if that makes you happy. If not, then you have to decide if you're willing to accept what he's offering.
     
  11. HairyTXdude

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    o_O I could never break it off completely! He's the best friend I've ever had and I'm his.

    He doesn't like dating girls and Never wants to get married, he's even saving up to get snipped in the next couple years cause he never wants to have kids
     
  12. HairyTXdude

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    As long as we remain best and close friends, I don't care that much what else happens. This is just something I feel like I should/need to do. We both need each other, I couldn't stand not having him in my life!
     
  13. chrisj428

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    This doesn't sound that black-and-white. His friend is down with gay sex. The issues are: (a) Is TX ok with the friend being bi and (b) is TX okay with an open relationship if his friend doesn't want to commit to monogamy.
     
  14. HairyTXdude

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    A)I'm ok with him being BI. I've always thought he was Bi, he just recently came out as bi, which I think brought forth these feelings..
    B) I'll deal with that as it comes, I'm "ok" with it now, I'd just prefer not :tongue:
     
  15. chrisj428

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    Then ride the wave. Re-evaluate after a few months when he's sorted out his newly-realized feelings towards the same sex.
     
  16. HairyTXdude

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    Adding sex to our relationship didn't change things at all. We both freaked for a while saying we needed to stop shortly after we started to "save our friendship" because we both agreed that our friendship is the most important thing but that didn't work we have to much fun with each other. So I'm hoping the next step wont be that big of a deal...
     
  17. HairyTXdude

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    He said he's known since he was 12 like me, he's just never pursued it in person before until me
     
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