In your experience, is there some truth to the perception that gay men can be real mean girls?

[TobinDarren]

as in being vindictive, love playing mind games etc

i am not trying to generalize this perception to an entire community obviously, especially i belong to this community

because i am sure you guys would agree with, there are many factors, both intrinsic and environmental that goes towards shaping a person's attitudes and in turn the kind of person they become.

however, i think it is also true the culture we are part of, but more importantly, they people who we choose to surround with, will have a huge impact on who we are.

so what is your personal experience?

do you personally that gay men are "more likely" (everyone is capable of being untrustworthy and bitchy obviously, i knew this guy James who reminded me of the character Uriah Heep from the David Cooperfield, just a real toxic kind of person and as far as i can tell, he was a straight guy!) to be untrustworthy and bitchy?

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I don't have an answer because I don't want to generalize (and yes, I know you already put a disclaimer on that whole thingy but still..) but I will say this: perhaps those who fall into the category of "bitchy" or "untrustworthy" are so because the world has generally been bitchy and untrustworthy to *them their whole lives.

Perhaps it's a reflection of the way we treat certain groups of people for the most ridiculous reasons.

Just a thought.

 

[TobinDarren]

I don't have an answer because I don't want to generalize (and yes, I know you already put a disclaimer on that whole thingy but still..) but I will say this: perhaps those who fall into the category of "bitchy" or "untrustworthy" are so because the world has generally been bitchy and untrustworthy to *them their whole lives.

Perhaps it's a reflection of the way we treat certain groups of people for the most ridiculous reasons.

Just a thought.

that could be a reason

but gay community is not the only one who have had negative experiences

especially we are in 2017 and gays have pretty much been accepted by mainstream for a long long time now

also if that is the only reason why do you think people who are disabled don't have the same tendency?

many of them are marginalized by more and treated far worse and struggled far more in life than we gays ever had?

why don't they have the reputation for being vindictive and backstabbing?

i have met many disabled people who are some kindest souls you will ever met and managed to transform their experiences of adversity into empathy for others?

but you are right bitchiness is a trait exists in walks of life even straight guys can possess them!

 

[deleted924715]

Honestly, I can't think of a demographic that doesn't have members that are mean and bitchy - I don't personally think the gay community is more prone to it. Canadians, maybe?

 

[EllieP]

One of my very best friends is a gay man, and I've rarely met people as caring and giving as him. He's happy married and deeply devoted to his husband. I don't think he's an exception to the rule because his husband is the very same way. Awesome people.

 

[DaisyDoesIt]

Yup---they can be exceptionally snarky little bitches...!

But---there's unhappy people everywhere.

Ever notice that a person with terrible temper is more sad than mad>?

 

[Dollydud]

There is no such thing as reality. There is only ‘your’ version of it which is essentially your perception. Remember that what you believe to be true is only as true as your worldly experience and it doesn’t go any further than that.

Even many scientific theories are just that; they are theories! It doesn’t make them so.


All semantics aside.

In my experience, gay men can be real mean men.

 

[Dollydud]

* Not the topic or question but thought it’s pc to note. I have other perceptions as well.


This is true as well.

In my experience, gay men can be
real [*insert all adjectives here] men.

 

[TobinDarren]

Even many scientific theories are just that; they are theories! It doesn’t make them so.


All semantics aside.

In my experience, gay men can be real mean men.

i think within scientific discipline including social sciences, what you are referring here is more of a hypothesis rather theory.

hypothesis is an observation by scientists of what might be happening, this need to be confirmed by actual researches and strengthened by other researchers ability to duplicate those studies and finding similar results.

while researches are not perfect they are the best available evidences we have

that said, i personally is not aware (i have not looked) of any researches done of this particular topic

but as far as culture is a major contributor to who we become, there are many researches to back up the assertion.

 

[Dollydud]

gay men can be real mean girls.
gay men can be real mean men .
gay men can be real [*insert adjective] men.

What are you question are you really asking?
What are you trying to figure out?

I think that is a fair question.

I think it is a question that anyone in my position would ask.

No I take it back no one else but me is stupid enough to be in this position.

I'm confused if your aware and just thinking I'm unaware or unable to understand or keep up with your comments.... or if your unable to identify and "see" the situation in its entirety (this includes your OP and impact)

In all fairness, the way your questioning what saying and what I "believe" (aka my perceptions and if I'm actually capable of considering and distinguishing between reality and self serving a cognitive distortion)

...... I'm mutually asking and wondering the same thing.

And also giving you the benefit of the doubt, that your just confused and not ACTUALLY thinking I'm thinking I'm unaware and unable to comprehend what your writing and why...and what I'm saying and writing and why.

You would have to be a lot more specific in order for me to even understand what your questioning and the context . You know this.

As far as giving you an answer to this "question"....impossible. It's a ridiculous statement to begin with, & I'm only entertaining it because I'm trying to understand you

Put some more effort and energy into this and your "questions"... or else I'll start mirroring your effort and mental energy into responding...... but I'll never be as smug and degrading so therefore it will be silence .

 

[Dollydud]

you have shown your character and authenticity not at all in question

yes it's stupid for me to ask what your head thinks cause the reality is so clear ... I just don't want to accept it

Again your a moron and clearly unable to understand the situation

Or I'm a moron who thinks your stupid and really your just good where you are and enjoying playing games

I'm done this is seriously too stupid .

 

[deleted924715]

Am I drunk?

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I don't have an answer because I don't want to generalize (and yes, I know you already put a disclaimer on that whole thingy but still..) but I will say this: perhaps those who fall into the category of "bitchy" or "untrustworthy" are so because the world has generally been bitchy and untrustworthy to *them their whole lives.

Perhaps it's a reflection of the way we treat certain groups of people for the most ridiculous reasons.

Just a thought.

It's also that gay men are seen as feminized by the overculture (patriarchy) which sees feminine as less than.
So picking up and playing up cattiness, bitchiness and making them a reclaiming of sorts could be in play.
And it sometimes hits a nerve, because it's still men playing the note that women and our ways are less than men's.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Honestly, I can't think of a demographic that doesn't have members that are mean and bitchy - I don't personally think the gay community is more prone to it. Canadians, maybe?

No, no, Canadians are more polite.

 

[deleted924715]

No, no, Canadians are more polite.

That's what I meant lol - I'm all about the Canadians

 

[Scarletbegonia]

That's what I meant lol - I'm all about the Canadians

Hockey moments excluded, of course.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

that could be a reason
but gay community is not the only one who have had negative experiences
especially we are in 2017 and gays have pretty much been accepted by mainstream for a long long time now

also if that is the only reason why do you think people who are disabled don't have the same tendency?
many of them are marginalized by more and treated far worse and struggled far more in life than we gays ever had?

why don't they have the reputation for being vindictive and backstabbing?

i have met many disabled people who are some kindest souls you will ever met and managed to transform their experiences of adversity into empathy for others?

but you are right bitchiness is a trait exists in walks of life even straight guys can possess them!

Well, it's debatable whether or not the gay community is basically "accepted". I think that depends pretty heavily on where you live, even in the US. Of course, it's not like some places in the world where it's still illegal to be gay, but harassment and bullying are still a problem. And, our current administration in Washington isn't exactly an ally. There are still plenty of bigots out there who want to strip the rights away from those they don't feel deserve them.

As for your question about why disabled people don't get the rep of being "bitchy", they also aren't assumed to be feminine like gay men. It all comes down to stereotyping. At least that's what I would think is the key factor here.

 

[Dollydud]

It's also that gay men are seen as feminized by the overculture (patriarchy) which sees feminine as less than.
So picking up and playing up cattiness, bitchiness and making them a reclaiming of sorts could be in play.
And it sometimes hits a nerve, because it's still men playing the note that women and our ways are less than men's.

“Our ways”


Jesus Christ . What the f*’ ....negative reinforcement and encouraging his behavior.

 

[Dollydud]

Well, it's debatable whether or not the gay community is basically "accepted". I think that depends pretty heavily on where you live, even in the US. Of course, it's not like some places in the world where it's still illegal to be gay, but harassment and bullying are still a problem. And, our current administration in Washington isn't exactly an ally. There are still plenty of bigots out there who want to strip the rights away from those they don't feel deserve them.

As for your question about why disabled people don't get the rep of being "bitchy", they also aren't assumed to be feminine like gay men. It all comes down to stereotyping. At least that's what I would think is the key factor here.

He was indirectly insulting you .. saying you were disabled .

 

[Scarletbegonia]

“Our ways”


Jesus Christ . What the f*’ ....negative reinforcement and encouraging his behavior.

Can you explain that?
Rather than simply swearing at me?