Inappropriate/confusing sexual tension...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by gdesguy, Sep 4, 2009.

  1. gdesguy

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    So I go to college about an hour away from my boyfriend, and we've been together for about 15 months now, and while both of us have our flaws, and I've caught him "being sketchy" on occasion (not going to go into it publicly/here), I reallly do love him regardless, and he loves me.
    However, tonight one of my (gay) friends stopped by, and we hung out, did regular college kid stuff with one of my other roomies, and watched a movie. It ended up getting too late for him to catch his train home, so I told him he could stay over. My roomie we were hanging out with left to do some homework, and we stayed up, hung out, drew, talked about my boyfriend, talked about his recent break-up, talked about other random topics, vented a little, etc...Then we watched Bubble Boy because we both agree that Jake Gyllenhaal is, well, damn fine (even with terrible hair and trapped in plastic). We watched the movie on my laptop, and I didn't feel like hooking it back up to the TV, and we were both too engulfed n our sketchbooks/lazy to get up and move to the livingroom, so we watched the movie while laying on my bed. No part of our bodies were touching, and it was not at alll anything sexual, but I started to feel some sort of attraction to this friend, and it freaked me out and got me feeling guilty.

    Am I being worried over nothing? Is this a common thing to happen/way to feel about somebody even when I'm in a committed relationship?

    When I look at it from an outsider's point-of-view, I don't see anything wrong, but my mind is somehow telling me I should feel guilty for developing even a very minor crush.
    Advice/reactions?
     
  2. rainbowknight

    rainbowknight New Member

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    It is only natural to feel an attraction to someone when you are in a relationship. You would not be human if you did not. You can look at the menu but you cannot order from it when you are in a relationship.

    Friends are people that we naturally have an attraction to in one way or another. However, when it crosses the "sexual line" that is when they become more than friends - friends with benefits.

    Don't worry, having an attraction to a beautiful male with common interest is par for the course. Just do not act on it and your relationship will be fine.
     
  3. Darkriff

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    Very natural indeed rainbowknight. Every guy, every girl, everyone, will develop feelings for another human being while in a relationship at some point. It will happen more than once. I'm married and have developed feelings for some of my friends as well in the past. It happens, you shouldn't feel guilty about it. When it really comes down to it tho, what you choose to do with those feelings is what counts. Keeping them to yourself is one thing, but choosing to act on them is another. Then in that case you should feel guilty, as far as the feelings themselves... just relax, it happens.
     
  4. denton85

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    practically everyone feels sexual tension while in a relationship with other people. I've had this with a couple of girls (where i knew for a fact it was mutual), but u just don't act on it.... just because we are in a relationship, does not mean we can turn off our carnal sexual urges. Like most people you'll just have to learn that it's a natural urge, and your love for your partner will overcome this urge, and make your love for your partner even stronger ...

    however be careful. you'll find that in your weakest states (drunk, high, depressed, lonely, or just a big fight with your partner) can make these tensions/ urges especially dangerous. Acting on them while you are in a relationship WILL be VERY troublesome and complicated, not just for your relationship, but for your friendship as well.
     
  5. gdesguy

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    Thank you! This was probably the best/most accurate advice I've been given.
     
  6. blakobra8

    blakobra8 Member

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    Part of my mind always wants to fuck my GFs female friends. I used to feel bad about it, but its how my mind works. We've talked about it, and while it makes her jealous, she is beggining to understand that it does not at all affect my attraction to her. If anything, it makes it more intense. I also try not to be jealous when she talks about other guys. I prefer it this way than avoiding the subject.
     
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