Inconvenient Sexual Truths
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Totally unconditional love is a utopian fantasy and doesn't actually exist.
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When it comes to sex, most people are in it only for themselves
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Sometimes size matters..
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When it comes to sex, most people are in it only for themselves
..
Sometimes size matters..
That in general what is appealing "in the moment" is in fact downright disgusting when taken a look at with a non-hormone-driven eye.
Totally unconditional love is a utopian fantasy and doesn't actually exist.
..
When it comes to sex, most people are in it only for themselves
..
Sometimes size matters..
I agree with almost everything you wrote.
Sex in general is kinda gross if you think about it.
Can only speak for myself here, but I doubt I'm alone. Sex is best with someone you aren't in love with. Once you love them, it's tough to objectify them.
Unless one or both partners are very creative and their kinks line up, most of the time the sex in the relationship will wane and the relationship will end. In my view, it's unnecessary to walk away from love as long as an open relationship is an option. Sadly, most gay men nowadays take too many queues from straight relationships where there are children involved. This is doubly sad because there are so few gay people in the general population that your odds of finding deep abiding love more than once or twice in your lifetime are quite low. When you find it and you love the person, you should work it out. A loving, but sexless, relationship is not the end of the world. In my view, it's preferred because (at least in my case) it's a reflection of my inability to objectify the person.
Decry this all you want, but the reality is that most gay men lose their virginity in the woods or in a mall bathroom; not in a hotel room after senior prom. A huge percentage of gay men like me are simply not wired for romantic sex with a life partner, but that doesn't mean that we aren't capable of giving, and don't want, love.
Unless one or both partners are very creative and their kinks line up, most of the time the sex in the relationship will wane and the relationship will end. In my view, it's unnecessary to walk away from love as long as an open relationship is an option. Sadly, most gay men nowadays take too many queues from straight relationships where there are children involved. This is doubly sad because there are so few gay people in the general population that your odds of finding deep abiding love more than once or twice in your lifetime are quite low. When you find it and you love the person, you should work it out. A loving, but sexless, relationship is not the end of the world. In my view, it's preferred because (at least in my case) it's a reflection of my inability to objectify the person.
Decry this all you want, but the reality is that most gay men lose their virginity in the woods or in a mall bathroom; not in a hotel room after senior prom. A huge percentage of gay men like me are simply not wired for romantic sex with a life partner, but that doesn't mean that we aren't capable of giving, and don't want, love.
That sex within relationships more often than not exists as a power play...and you can immediately tell whom wields that power once you figure out the party that cannot express any measure of dissatisfaction with their sexual life for fear of being deprived of future sexual intimacy by the party in power.
An inordinate amount of people gravitate and seek out the affections of high libido individuals, with neither intention nor capability of keeping up with it.
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Not all relationships are like this. Sex shouldn't ever be used as a tool to control someone
Never said they were, Id even venture in a lot of instances where it does exist, it doesn't necessarily come from any malevolent intent...but because of the implications I think its a lot more common than most want to admit.
Not all relationships are like this. Sex shouldn't ever be used as a tool to control someone
DiamondJoe
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But that's one of the "joys" of t'internet; the masochists will seek out the sadists... and all shades in between
DiamondJoe
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He is getting a little Wildeian in his interpretations, "Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power."
Not all relationships are like this. Sex shouldn't ever be used as a tool to control someone
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DiamondJoe
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I don't think this holds water.
People are expected to have fantastic sex lives ALL the time! Aren't you??! Why not??!! ...and so on. Part of this is the media, and I include TV and lifestyle magazines in that setting unrealistic ideas in people's heads. Same as health and fitness regimes or beauty magazines. Chances are you're not like that, and indulging in that will just make you feel fat and/or ugly... same with sex talk - you'll end up feeling like a born-again virgin.
Does everyone really have a totally satisfying sex life with smash hit after smash hit every time? Really?*
It is possible to grow and sustain a relationship with great sex. Trust me. But you both have to work at it.
Also, I'm not sure that most gay men lose their virginity in the woods or in a toilet. Again, the internet makes it much simpler and I daresay many young men shag for the first time in some friend's bedroom, as they always have. It needn't be some insalubrious fantasy.
Another addendum to all this is FOMO. This is true for both(all?) sexes and sexualities and this is a comparatively new phenomenon is a Gen X/Millennial affliction. Before this time/before the internet, people met in pubs and bars, got drunk, hoped to find someone who wasn't utterly repulsed by them and maybe get it on. Remember all that?
In today's competitive dating market, people tend towards the, "There could be something even better round the corner" and are less likely to commit early and (because of what I've sketched out above) have much higher standards/expectations.
People want more, expect more.
Not sure if they get more but then I don't have to do the dating thing, so.
* I mostly do, but I tend to skew most surveys and should not be taken as "normal".
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Not sure about gross but certainly it can be ridiculous. Objectively.
But then it's best approached with good humour and a playful attitude, in my book.
Seems like sex for a woman is hit or miss, must suck. I mean I've never heard of a man who didn't get off when he has sex but women are always complaining about not being satisfied.
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@DiamondJoe is correct, plenty of men have unsatisfying sex. Just because you blow a load doesn't mean it's good.... It might just be ok.
For me I take a great deal of pleasure from giving pleasure. If sex was so so with a female or male but I had given them great pleasure from the act I would be very happy. Of course over time I would expect them to get better or at least try to improve things so my pleasure would be greater.
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