Inept lovers and a frank discussion about size

[W/In 1 Stand Dev]

Hi everyone,

Tonight I went out to the movies w/ a prospective new girlfriend. She thinks I am really picky about a woman's looks, so at one point she asked, "Does your woman have to be large breasted?" I tried to answer that as diplomatically as possible w/o coming off w/ some huge titty "fetish". Yeah, it is nice to have large breasts, but for me it comes down to the nipples and the areola. I told her that I fooled around w/ an anorexic lady once who had inverted nipples. It was the first and last time for me. Then I told her that I don't like grotesquely large breasts w/ these larger than silver dollar areolas.

I basically told her as long as they aren't "skeeter bites" AND the nipples get hard that works for me. I like to adjust the volume and the tuning w/ those nice big pencil eraser size nipples.

So a few minutes later, I turned the tables on her and aksed "Does your man have to be well hung?"

At first she tried to avoid the question as best she could, but I got her back on topic.

Her response was "well... yeah...every girl likes a big..." and then switched into diplomatic mode, while her eyes darted from large hands.

With a little more prying, she admitted that her soon to be official X-husband was small and only once during their 4 years of marriage did she orgasm w/ him.

I had to ask "You mean just during intercourse?"

She said "No, everything."

"You mean no orgasm during foreplay, or while receiving oral, nothing?"

She said "Yes, not even during that. I think he didn't know where my clitoris was."

So for me this is the third "girlfriend" in a row that has admitted to having lousy lovers/husbands. All three are in their 30's.

So for the ladies on this forum who might be reading this, are inept male lovers that common?

I can't believe it.

I feel like I should put together a power point presentation, buy a laser pointer, and go on the lecture circuit to all male audiences across the nation. I am by no means a Casanova, and I am no where near hung as some guys on this board.

What say you?

Danke,

W/In 1 Stand Dev

 

[D_Sherian_LaNeige]

Complaining about inept lovers reveals something about the complainer: they wouldn't say what they wanted at the time. Everyone has to learn somehow, so just tell them what you want them to do to please you. Surely?

 

[rob_just_rob]

Complaining about inept lovers reveals something about the complainer: they wouldn't say what they wanted at the time. Everyone has to learn somehow, so just tell them what you want them to do to please you. Surely?

Bingo.

When I was younger, I used to worry too much about whether my partner was having orgasms, to the point of (probably) being annoying. Now I just do what feels good and what I think, judging from her responses, we'll both enjoy. If she isn't enjoying it, she should say something - I sure speak up when something she's doing isn't working!

I try to cultivate a sexual environment where we both are comfortable talking about what feels good and what doesn't. If she can't manage that, why is that my problem?

 

[Ethyl]

Many women are afraid of bruising their partner's ego so they won't suggest anything or demonstrate what makes them feel good. I was guilty of this with my first ex and after the demise of the relationship, promised to never let that happen again. I'm proud to say i've kept that promise. We are responsible for our own pleasure. If you're too afraid to ask for it then you won't get it. If your partner won't give it to you (or at least try) then it's obviously not going to work.

 

[Big Dreamer]

Many women are afraid of bruising their partner's ego so they won't suggest anything or demonstrate what makes them feel good. I was guilty of this with my first ex and after the demise of the relationship, promised to never let that happen again. I'm proud to say i've kept that promise. We are responsible for our own pleasure. If you're too afraid to ask for it then you won't get it. If your partner won't give it to you (or at least try) then it's obviously not going to work.

I told you 1,000 times MB, what you were asking me to do wasn't physically possible for a non-contortionist. Also, peanut butter and sardines are almost impossible to remove from where you wanted to put them.

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

Complaining about inept lovers reveals something about the complainer: they wouldn't say what they wanted at the time. Everyone has to learn somehow, so just tell them what you want them to do to please you. Surely?

You have the best tits I've ever laid eyes upon.

Also, all girls have inept lovers. Until they meet me :biggrin1:

lol but yeah, lots of it going about. Most guys want to get themselves off asap, with as little effort as possible. I like to explore and make a girl cum as many times as possible until I cum myself.

Although I think this has become a bad thing, because it does usually take me A LOT of either hard fucking or serious wanking for me to cum...but I enjoy making girls orgasm.

The inept lovers do the adept a favour. The girl will appreciate it that much more...in my experience, girls will fall in love with you or at least like you a whole lot more if you know how to rock their world...of course there are other factors. But great sex goes a long way to creating deep feelings.

 

[Ethyl]

I told you 1,000 times MB, what you were asking me to do wasn't physically possible for a non-contortionist. Also, peanut butter and sardines are almost impossible to remove from where you wanted to put them.

See? Some won't even make the attempt. *sigh*

And it wasn't sardines. It was marmalade. A perfect example of what happens when you don't listen to your partner...

 

[W/In 1 Stand Dev]

But to not know where your woman's clit is?

Geeeesh!!

I saw a quote somewhere, probably one of those keychain wisdom things:

"When sex is good, it's 10% of the relationship. When sex is bad, it is 90% of the relationship."

Man! I just can't believe that some guys just don't give a damn, they're too selfish, they don't care to learn, they're too lazy, or they are just that inept.

Way back when, I had a GF who was horrible at giving head, but I didn't want to say anything because, hey at least I was getting BJ's. She was a tooth scraper (that hurt!!), but I finally got her broke in.

 

[B_Think_Kink]

But to not know where your woman's clit is?

Geeeesh!!

I saw a quote somewhere, probably one of those keychain wisdom things:

"When sex is good, it's 10% of the relationship. When sex is bad, it is 90% of the relationship."

Man! I just can't believe that some guys just don't give a damn, they're too selfish, they don't care to learn, they're too lazy, or they are just that inept.

Way back when, I had a GF who was horrible at giving head, but I didn't want to say anything because, hey at least I was getting BJ's. She was a tooth scraper (that hurt!!), but I finally got her broke in.

The thing is, if he was never that what he was doing never worked.. how could he know what he was doing wrong? Men are born to tease, and taught to please.

 

[Gillette]

I tend to blame stupid women who fake their orgasms. And porn.

I've had my share of BFs who were convinced they were God's gift to women but really didn't have a clue. They seem to think once they've mastered the ins and outs of one woman they have the keys to the kingdom. Like every man, every woman is different. All the parts are in roughly the same place from one to another but the stimulation prefered is going to change.

Some people, men and women, simply don't pay enough attention to their partner to learn what they respond to. Others, the truly selfish ones don't even pay attention when they're told outright.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

I don't know why women who think their partner/bf/husband/fuck buddy is hopeless in bed just don't tell him what they like, I have friends who've endured years of crappy sex when all they needed to do was take 10 minutes telling him what they really wanted. Men's egos aren't so fragile that they'll crumble if we guide them into doing what we really want, in fact, in my experience men love being asked for what we want.

 

[ramwella]

When I was single, I'd say that at least half of the women I slept with had very few or no orgasms during sex with other guys. That's what they would tell me-- usually after a big, loud, messy orgasm! I certainly tried to change their odds. My track record isn't perfect, but it's damn good-- esp for repeat performances!

My motto: Make 'em squirm! Make 'em scream! Make 'em squirt!

 

[Quite Irate]

Women are very rarely blamed, but a lot of the time it comes down to them. I can't believe some of the self-professed "size queens" who have strict requirements about who they have sex with while having little to offer themselves.

Women blame men far too much for their lack of sexual stimulation. Yeah, guys can be clueless or just lacking desirable equipment, but that doesn't mean women can't be sloppy and just as bad as the guys.

 

[musclebutt2]

Good lovers are made not born. We all learn to have sex, and anything beyond 5 seconds of wham-bam-thank-you-mam-I-just-knocked-you-up is advanced training. It is our responsibility to train our lover on how to please us and vice versa. Communication is inherent to good sex.

I have been with many hugely endowed men that just lie there like a carcass and expect you to worship them. Or once it comes to intercourse they are selfish, don't care if they hurt the other person with their weapon of ass destruction, or just get off and then roll over. Selfish lovers that have no interest in reciprocation or pleasing their partner are not worth training. Run away.

Finding someone who is already a good lover is serendipity indeed; however, most people fall into the borderline inept but trainable category, which is fine. But again, if you're fucking someone who isn't trainable, you are doing yourself a disservice.

 

[No_Strings]

Selfish lovers that have no interest in reciprocation or pleasing their partner are not worth training.

I don't think they actually exist?

 

[musclebutt2]

I don't think they actually exist?

You'd be suprised how many of those there are in the world.

 

[B_andyo]

mhmm well i am 19, and i been with women much older than me.. had a 25 yr old gf that never had oral orgasm before? and i give it to her .. and she also orgasm through intercourse.. anyways their past lover where long time relationships .. with 3 yr relationship with a guy who was like 27. :/

I truly ask if this or that feels good. some of them say everything feels good or say if i am quiet it means i am feeling it.. (i would tell you if something is wrong.) communication is good. 30 yr old ssay i do it good ha thats enough for me. 19 ahead of the ball park.. also many relationships.

 

[D_Merringtonne Meathead]

If after the first few times a new partner doesn't say what she wants, then I ask her. And tell her what I like. Simple. That way we both enjoy it and avoid things the other party doesn't like. E.g. I love doggy style but some women don't. But it is surprising to me how many women I've been with, including those in long term relationships, who say they have never been asked the question before or didn't ask for what they want themselves for fear of upsetting the man.

 

[D_Garmanswait Glassnads]

I was really upset the other day. My best friend has just split up with her boyfriend and we've been talking a little about maybe us giving it a go. Things never really get anywhere though so I let it drop.

What got me though is that when I told her about me finding it hard to come because of my medication she told me she had the same problem. She said that she had been faking it everytime she had slept with her boyfriend.

Usually I'm not the kind of person to feel anything emotional but for some strange reason I was propally upset. I geuss I've started to take the idea of sex seriously. She said she had only came 3 times and they've been together for nearly 3 years I think. I couldn't believe it.

Edit: yeah bigend, she said that she never said anything because she didn't want to upset him. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT. I'm only 18, it's not rocket science to know that communication is key. Guys are shit.

 

[Act2_Begins_Now]

~raising hand~ I have had two husband who were inept lovers. The first one I mark up to youth. The second husband I mark up to complete selfishness. I found a FWB and he was wonderful. I was 41 the first time I came and I came a lot. I attribute it to him knowing what he was doing and also the size and shape of his cock. When we no longer could play, I was just about depressed wondering if I would ever be able to find a good lover.

I'm still looking ...