Infidelity

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by The Dragon, Apr 9, 2008.

  1. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    Would you cheat on a spouse/partner/LTR?
    What are the circumstances that would made it happen?
    If you have, how did you justify the contact?
     
  2. rimmer9

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    I've never cheated on my wife with another woman but being bi sexual I do have a need to be with another man occasionaly. I'm not saying it's right but something I need to do. Only once did it start to become emotional so we stopped.
     
  3. Principessa

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  4. Principessa

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    Does your wife know you are bi-sexual and have been with men during your marriage?

    I ask only because in a thread last week someone said that in an open marriage what you describe wouldn't be considered cheating.
     
  5. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    NJ Sweetheart,
    As much as I love you please bugger off!!
    I am trying to have a open and frank discussion about infidelity.
    You jumping all over posters is not helping.
    If can offer nothing but give posters the third degree please refrain from reading the thread.
    You are not the moral compass of LPSG!
     
  6. Principessa

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  7. HazelGod

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    This is what she meant, NJ...that's a pretty judgemental statement you just made, and her stated purpose here was to broach a discussion free of the labels of right and wrong. If you're unable to separate your moral piety from the subject, perhaps you should take a pass on this thread.

    You just did. That was un-called for...and quite frankly, a bit beneath you.


    I've never cheated on anyone in the past...then again, that's largely due to my belief that monogamy isn't a natural permanent state of human relationships. I never really saw any value in being exclusively attached, so I never was. At least, not before I met my wife. :biggrin1:

    At this point in my life, I still believe as I always have...monogamy is not a natural state. However, I also believe that what makes us innately human and distinguishes us from the other species is our ability to use reason to assert dominance over our baser instincts.

    I cannot speculate on what might drive me to an act of infidelity...it's a bridge I've yet to cross at this point. OK, that's not exactly true...but whenever alcohol is involved, my pants go on lockdown. It's unlikely to be due to any deficiencies or failures in my marriage...the only circumstance where I can really see myself flinging caution to the winds is out of curiosity or wanderlust. If I were to come across someone who struck a visceral chord in my being that was impossible to deny...who knows?

    Oddly enough, I think if that were the case, I wouldn't be as eaten up with guilt about it. It would not be as though I were lashing out at my wife, or compensating for some shortcoming in our relationship. More that the tiger had been caged for too long and was anxious to prowl again.
     
  8. killerb

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    I've been accused of cheating, but I never have.

    Truthfully, I never would. I have seen the results of cheating all my life and I just wouldn't do that to someone I love. I'd rather end a relationship than cheat.
     
  9. SyddyKitty

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    I'm scared to admit that NJ and I are on the same page (to the letter) here.

    Though, this topic has come up numerous times since I joined and I keep responding the same way. :p

    Added: This is likely due to my having been cheated on.
     
  10. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    Oh honey, please put down the shiraz and dial back your righteous indignation just a wee little bit. I wasn't attacking him or you. :rolleyes: :duh:

    Nj,
    Words can not descibe the sheer umbrage and outrage I feel at reading this post!
    If you wanted to slap me in the face, you have.
    If you wanted to strike a condesending and dismissive tone, congratulations.
    Do I feel attacked? Yes I do.
    Dismissing my post as a drunk rather than coming from a place of hurt feelings, who is acting out of righteous indignation?
     
  11. alex8.5

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    Never. If things got to the point where I had an inkling to cheat, I would need to discuss it with my boyfriend to remedy the situation. But to just go behind someone's back, that's fucking low and scuzzy..
     
  12. DC_DEEP

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    I have not; I don't think I could.

    Of course, if you ask 100 people, "what does 'cheating on your SO mean'?", you are likely to get 105 different answers. From my point of view, cheating or infidelity would include anything you feel you have to hide from your SO, anything you do that makes you feel guilty or that you lie about... not just "sex with another person."

    Honesty and integrity have been very important to me, as far back as I can remember, so a big part of my life philosophy has always been, "if you have to lie about doing it, then don't do it." I have a very low tolerance for dishonesty in people who claim to care about me.
     
  13. alex8.5

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    "If you have to lie about doing it, then don't do it" Very well said DC Deep..
     
  14. Ms.Teacher

    Ms.Teacher New Member

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    No. To me, a sexual relationship involves two people.

    I would never have anything but a monogamous relationship. I know some people say they're not cheating because it's an open relationship, and that's true, but it's just a technicality in the wording.

    Yes, the other person knows, so it's not really cheating, but in the same respect, it's spending time with others that you could be devoting to you spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend.

    And who wants to possibly expose themselves to an STD? Not me.
     
  15. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I have never cheated in a LTR or when engaged because it was easier for me to transition to friends when it no longer worked rather than prolong the pain of basic incompatibility.

    If I married and the spouse withheld sex or we grew to be sexually incompatible - I would have sex with other people. As I do not lie, he would know and be fully informed about any partners.

    He would have the option to leave if he wanted, he could have sex with others if desired, but I do not believe infidelity or outside sexual encounters are enough reason to leave a good marriage/relationship. Certainly on my end infidelity would not irretrievably break the trust, love, or respect I'd hold for the mate.
     
  16. Principessa

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    Whoa! :confused: You know I would never intentionally hurt you. :12: I am one of the few who has backed you in chat and various threads when no one else has. :cool: Oh please! Joking about a glass of wine does not a drunk make. You are smart enough to know that.

    Had you mentioned the origin of this post as being from hurt feelings I would have responded differently. Your original wording made it seem as if you were looking for viable reasons to support something often seen as unacceptable behavior.

    If I had wanted to throw down the gauntlet I would have done it in a PM, not in a thread so your cyberbf could attack me too. :cool:

    Ditto, this is the first time I have been called to task on it though. :confused::frown1:

    Yup, same here. Once burned twice shy.
     
  17. Ms.Teacher

    Ms.Teacher New Member

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    Even though it's not emotional, it's still cheating. Is it okay for your wife to have sex with other guys.....or ladies? I doubt it.

    I don't find her comments judgmental at all.


    Monogamy is very natural and very normal. People use the excuse that it's not to excuse their own bad behavior. Animals aren't monogamous but they don't have emotional attachments and ties like humans. A human brain is far more evolved. Let's not in any way put ourselves back in the animal kingdom.

    You should feel guilty if it happens. You made vows with your wife, and unless you have an arrangement that you and she can be intimate with others, you have failed. I'm sure you'd be heartbroken if you found out she cheated on you.
     
  18. _avg_

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    Until my last girlfriend, who simply moved away, all my previous relationships ended when my partner had sex with someone else. I never understood why they would do that, and I never want to put someone through my experiences. It's made it very hard to meet people and to feel secure about myself.
     
  19. Jovial

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    I wouldn't cheat on a partner. Before that happened I would either say I wanted to see other people or just break up altogether.
     
  20. christina

    christina New Member

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    i have cheated and this is not excuse but i cheated after i was cheated on i wanted him to know how much it hurt me. And besides it wasnt like he didnt know i told him that i was gunna go find soem hot dude to fuck. But i didnt tell him (until after i did it) that he was black (he didnt like black guys) and that i took the guy to my ex's favorite place. I know i sound kind evil and vindictive but hey if someones gunna treat me like shit then ill make sure that they feel even worse.

    Just so everyone knows i dont cheat unless the dumbass does it to me first. 2 wrongs dont make a right but it sure makes me feel better.
     
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