While we have been friends for a while, what I guess you younger people refer to as "friends with benefits", the woman I've been having sex with and I were discussing a few points. The idea of this is to keep communications open for feedback that might lead to fantasy fulfillment, new adventurous opportunities or just plain old improvement. One point that she brought up recently was that, while it had been useful in the past, she no longer wanted me to coax her to "relax". Her claim is that she knows sex with me usually takes a fair effort on her part, as she prefers to be in control- ie ontop- and that no matter what I say, she says she knows she will always tense up. This being the case, she would rather I not say anything when we start so she can concentrate on what she is physically feeling and that any coaxing I do be more along the lines of massaging her. What I would like to know from the female readers is whether this intial "tension/anticipation" is always present with every partner before penetration and if so, does it vary from partner to partner. Also, would you find verbal reassurances and coaxing to relax annoying after a certain familiarity?