Insecurity about cock size & dating

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deleted1025121

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I'm a gay man and I'm finding my smaller dick is causing me social anxiety and seclusion. I feel inferior to other men and I now find myself not interacting with men because I dont want to have sex anymore because of my fear of not being "hung" or that I wont pleasure them as they expect.

I'm in my 40s and a lot of younger guys hit on older men because they expect them to be hung or very sexually experienced. I am neither...so now I just avoid it all out of fear. My cock is only 6x4.5. So not long and no girth either.

I've never been a good top which makes me not want to interact for fear of embarrassment. I cum too quick. Often times by the time I'm hard enough to penetrate I shoot my load as I'm pushing in or soon thereafter. Or I lose my erection, etc. I think its years of bad self image, severe anxiety and some bad sexual experiences when I first came of age. It has kept me from experiencing anything sexual. I know I'm messed up...but not sure how to solve it other than to just forget about sex altogether.
 

sundancer

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First off, from your pic, you don't have a small dick. The average American male, from any studies I have read, is between 4 and 5.5 inches hard. . Second, when a younger guy has shown interest in me, it has been about security, it has been about being mentored, it has been about acceptance. And not at all about the size of my dick. . I believe from your post, that you are obsessing about dick size, so you can't look beyond that. And see the other things you have to offer another person. Maybe you offer kindness. Maybe you offer companionship. Give yourself credit for people wanting to be with you because of who you are. Yes, sex is great, sex is fun. But out of a 24 hour period, how much time is sex? 30 minutes? So you have to be able to talk to the person you are with for the other 23 and a half hours. So, tell yourself you are worthy of a nice guy. Tell yourself that you are desired. And then go for it. When you meet someone, don't shy away. Just let it unfold at its own pace.

Now, with sex, anal isn't a absolute. Many guys don't like it. So you shot fast. Me too. So I concentrate on pleasing my partner. Then as a bit of time goes on the excitement comes down, and I don't pop so fast. Then everyone is happy. . So maybe, if you meet someone, you only do oral sex the first couple of times you have sex with them, and then you won't worry about coming so fast. There are lots of things you can do to make the experience nice for you both.

We all have insecurities. Even the guy who is looking you up and down. He's probably thinking you would reject him because of whatever he feels is his shortcomings. . Good luck, I hope you will give it a try. Life is short, and you have to understand that all these people out there are full of insecurities just as you and I are. . Once you remember that, it makes it easier for you. . . Hope this helps you a bit.
 

ItsAll4Kim

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Avoidance only keeps the gremlins just 'round the corner, not gone.

I used to feel bad for gay men because of all the straight men hassling them. After years here and having a few gay friends, I feel bad more because of how shitty so many gay men treat one another.

Because of that ridiculous peer pressure, it's no surprise you're so reluctant to try. But you should try anyway. There are obviously plenty of other men your age in the same boat. Are you seeking hookups or a relationship? I think knowing that might make it easier to figure out how to work through the issues that cause you so much anxiety.
 
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deleted1025121

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First off, from your pic, you don't have a small dick. The average American male, from any studies I have read, is between 4 and 5.5 inches hard. . Second, when a younger guy has shown interest in me, it has been about security, it has been about being mentored, it has been about acceptance. And not at all about the size of my dick. . I believe from your post, that you are obsessing about dick size, so you can't look beyond that. And see the other things you have to offer another person. Maybe you offer kindness. Maybe you offer companionship. Give yourself credit for people wanting to be with you because of who you are. Yes, sex is great, sex is fun. But out of a 24 hour period, how much time is sex? 30 minutes? So you have to be able to talk to the person you are with for the other 23 and a half hours. So, tell yourself you are worthy of a nice guy. Tell yourself that you are desired. And then go for it. When you meet someone, don't shy away. Just let it unfold at its own pace.

Now, with sex, anal isn't a absolute. Many guys don't like it. So you shot fast. Me too. So I concentrate on pleasing my partner. Then as a bit of time goes on the excitement comes down, and I don't pop so fast. Then everyone is happy. . So maybe, if you meet someone, you only do oral sex the first couple of times you have sex with them, and then you won't worry about coming so fast. There are lots of things you can do to make the experience nice for you both.

We all have insecurities. Even the guy who is looking you up and down. He's probably thinking you would reject him because of whatever he feels is his shortcomings. . Good luck, I hope you will give it a try. Life is short, and you have to understand that all these people out there are full of insecurities just as you and I are. . Once you remember that, it makes it easier for you. . . Hope this helps you a bit.
Thank you. That's really good advice.
 
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lookatthat

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You do have a big dick. You're bigger than 60+% of all those guys eyeballing you. You don't have a very big dick, which is an odd thing to focus on so aggressively. But you can be very charming. Very funny. Very warm. Very loving. Very kind. Very sexy. So you can be very appealing and desirable if you choose. Would you only be attracted to a guy due to his appendage and center a relationship around that? Presumably not.
And, again, you're 6+ inches long. That's big, dummy. I bet you can fit two hands on that thing.
So swat this fly away from your face and focus on moving forward confidently to pursue your bliss.
Obsess about important things.
 
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deleted1025121

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You do have a big dick. You're bigger than 60+% of all those guys eyeballing you. You don't have a very big dick, which is an odd thing to focus on so aggressively. But you can be very charming. Very funny. Very warm. Very loving. Very kind. Very sexy. So you can be very appealing and desirable if you choose. Would you only be attracted to a guy due to his appendage and center a relationship around that? Presumably not.
And, again, you're 6+ inches long. That's big, dummy. I bet you can fit two hands on that thing.
So swat this fly away from your face and focus on moving forward confidently to pursue your bliss.
Obsess about important things.
Thanks. I guess I had some bad experiences in the past that just made me feel insecure. I was making out with a guy once in a bar and he stuck his hands down my pants and then said "sorry..i'm looking for bigger". Another guy i was with sort of laughed at me when we got naked and said "oh look how cute it is". So I dont know. That paired with other situations has just stuck with me. No, I dont have a micropenis...but I know its avg at best. I just find a lot of gay men want large this or that. So its a bit discouraging. But I do appreciate your advice and encouragement.
 
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1296135

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So you are average not small. Most men are no bigger then 5-6 inches. A larger cock does not mean better sex in fact in my experience it means the opposite.

It's all about the motion of the ocean not the size of the boat because even a small in the right position can sink a tanker
 

HungCockJock

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Honestly I have never tried a dildo so I'm very tight and have only tried to have sex with a very big dick before. Though the dick turned me on there's no way in hell it could fit and have often imagined the first guy I truly try to let penetrate me will be your size. Also, just saying while the hung older guy did attract me with his dick, it's for all the reasons @lookatthat mentioned that I really consider him a good sex friend.
 
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bkmuscledad

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I'm a gay man and I'm finding my smaller dick is causing me social anxiety and seclusion. I feel inferior to other men and I now find myself not interacting with men because I dont want to have sex anymore because of my fear of not being "hung" or that I wont pleasure them as they expect.

I'm in my 40s and a lot of younger guys hit on older men because they expect them to be hung or very sexually experienced. I am neither...so now I just avoid it all out of fear. My cock is only 6x4.5. So not long and no girth either.

I've never been a good top which makes me not want to interact for fear of embarrassment. I cum too quick. Often times by the time I'm hard enough to penetrate I shoot my load as I'm pushing in or soon thereafter. Or I lose my erection, etc. I think its years of bad self image, severe anxiety and some bad sexual experiences when I first came of age. It has kept me from experiencing anything sexual. I know I'm messed up...but not sure how to solve it other than to just forget about sex altogether.
@la6nine , I am sometimes amazed at the large number of younger guys who are attracted to older men. I wasn't when I was their age, because there were too many hot guys and girls my own age at the time, but there out there, in full force. I believe that they want the feeling of security and protection being with an older guy. Beyond the sex, almost every single one of them loves lying with his head on my chest, my arm around him, being tenderly caressed, being listened to. You should be proud of your cock, because they will adore it, but even more so, the man it's attached to.
 
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1296135

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I was making out with a guy once in a bar and he stuck his hands down my pants and then said "sorry..i'm looking for bigger". .


Even though you were kissing it's still sexual assault to stick his has down your pants like that at the bar. I would not be impressed if that happened to me.
 
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deleted1025121

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Even though you were kissing it's still sexual assault to stick his has down your pants like that at the bar. I would not be impressed if that happened to me.
It wasn't sexual assault. I welcomed it. But I certainly didn't like his response.
 
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Nosuportneeded

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It wasn't sexual assault. I welcomed it. But I certainly didn't like his response.

It's of little solace, but assholes that laugh at your dick or are rude about their preferences should not be that which you base your self worth on (your sex and dick are not your self worth either.)

Depending on the scene, your fears vary from inflated, to patently false. I know many gay men that don't like big cocks. I know I have a modest limit on my ass.

No, you don't have a wow dick, and perhaps in your scene there is a lot of hung guys about, but remember, that big dicks and confidence go hand in hand, and confidence and social/dating success also have a strong correlation. What I'm saying is, the scene sometimes can appear skewed bc the big guys get "out there" more.

Fake it till you make it, man
 

ohiorod

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There is some great advice and empathy here. I would suggest getting to know someone, like regular dating, before having sex. Build something that makes you feel
good and then slowly initiate sex. Follow advice of perhaps oral for awhile. But clearly, you need to build some self confidence outside of the bedroom before proceeding there. Try masturbating before a date, so you don’t feel like you are carrying a week long load and you’re ready to nut. You are a late bloomer for gay sex, but no different than all the married men who decide to try dick after 20 years of marriage. You can feel like a fish out of water. Your body does not appear to be a deterrent, but what is in your head is your worst enemy. Good luck!
 
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deleted1025121

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"...but what is in your head is your worst enemy."

I think you're correct about that. Funny how some experiences can shape your future.

I find it extremely hard to date to try to build up that confidence. Not many gay men available in my area or opportunities to meet. And even legit sites like OKCupid, Match or even Tinder don't really produce many results. Its quite an odd situation.

Thanks, though. I appreciate everyone's advice.
 
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bkmuscledad

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I’m only 7”, never been insecure
I think if you say "only" and "7" in the same sentence, that means that there's a false impression of what's average and what's big. That's like saying "I'm only 6'3" tall." Are there taller men? Sure, but a small percentage. Your 7 is a mighty weapon, Bro :)