Insecurity Is Not Attractive

Mule

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I have had a penis that is significantly above the average size for a long damn time. I was bullied for it when I was younger, and that seemed to go on for a long damn time. I've received admiration for it later after cursing this physiological difference for a long damn time. I have been on LPSG for a long damn time. My history has been the foundation for a complicated relationship with one part of my body. However, after a long damn time, I have reached some sort of "good place" with it all.

That opening paragraph is there to give some sense of where I'm coming from with this post. To some of you, the following sentence may seem obvious, but to others… it really needs to be said and hopefully understood:

The behavior caused by your insecurity about your size is so incredibly unattractive.

I mean the way you write about it. The way you talk about it. The way you joke about it. The way you obsess over it. The way you insult others about it. The way you lie about it.

Why are you insecure? There are so many reasons: our social structure, the idea of what masculinity is and isn't, the culture of competition, media hyperbole, capitalistic concepts of more is better, unrealistic models of what a man should look like, etc.

Your insecurity is important here because it affects your self-concept and your self-esteem: how attractive you feel you are. What I am trying to make you realize is that your insecurity makes you behave in a way that is far less attractive than the size of your penis. A sound-minded person doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to make his cock the center of his own universe. They're not turned on by someone who lies about how big he is. They're not impressed by finding out the reality is not the same as the edited photographs that make it look like you have an elephant trunk between your legs. They don't feel that indescribable, soulful satisfaction after making love with someone who thinks that his size means tenderness, effort and listening to his partner is unnecessary.

And yes, the same thing applies to the SPH people going the other way, not from a kink but from a place of insecure doubt.

For the vast majority of people, insecurity and the actions that it prompts are simply unappealing and sometimes repulsive.

LPSG has a focus and that's just fine, as long as the people here learn how to be comfortable with themselves and stop with the insecure bullshit. This is a place where we can have some lighthearted fun around a topic that should literally be about lighthearted fun. We can also help newcomers who are confused and insecure find out how a sense of perspective can be a valuable foundation for feeling good about ourselves without being creepy, dishonest, aggressive or stupidly competitive.

Knowing who and what you are, realizing your flaws and working to improve yourself, acceptance and confidence in what you have without exaggeration, sensitivity and trustworthiness, a sense of fun and exploration, a self-concept that is built mostly on honest self-evaluation rather than others' opinions… these are attractive, and can all exist with the equipment that you have, regardless of its actual size.
 
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deleted5106101

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As someone who has, and continues to absolutely hate my penis for its size (3-4” if I had to guess) to the point where I’ve become completely celibate, I won’t even try to engage in sexual intercourse or relationships, your point of view is extremely refreshing. Even if I can’t agree with your points completely.

While I do believe that confidence and insecurity are big factors...those factors are only part of the whole picture. I can be as confident or as self assured as humanly possible, but that won’t change my size, that won’t change the disappointment people will face when seeing my penis. The ugly truth is I am now, and will always be at a physical disadvantage sexually. There is nothing I could do that would put me on par with someone who’s penis is a sexually adequate size. I would always be playing catch-up to guys who are bigger. Plain and simple.

So at least in my case, I’ve just decided to remove myself from the equation entirely. Why bother with a small dick when my partners can just find a bigger one? And before anyone says that one with a small penis should just increase their skills in other areas, that doesn’t solve the problem now does it? I could get as good as possible with my tongue, fingers...etc and someone who is just as skilled, but with a bigger penis will always be a better sexual partner. So I guess the question I keep grappling with is why bother? Why put up with the humiliation and the judgement?

I’ve elected to just keep to myself for the rest of my life as far as sex and relationships are concerned, it beats being a walking talking disappointment, or a throw away joke to any potential partners...
 

speedjunkie

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Props to OP. When I first signed up about 10 years ago I was really unsure of who I am and what I had even though I’m bigger.

but over the years I’ve grown into my own and sometimes I read stuff and I’m kinda appalled at times . Some people here need help
 

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Honestly been struggling with my insecurities for a while and feel this past year I’ve been working on it and learned a lot about myself along the way. I don’t care what size you are or what you look like; we all have them. It’s fine to want to self improve but it’s another to drag yourself down and feel like you don’t deserve basic human happiness. There more to you and life than your dick.
 
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We all have insecurities. It's a fear we put into our heads. A lot of times those insecurities aren't based in reality and are not true. It's best to not just worry about it, and move on. I know. It's easier said than done. Think of it this way. "You got nothing to lose."
 
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deleted5106101

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Honestly been struggling with my insecurities for a while and feel this past year I’ve been working on it and learned a lot about myself along the way. I don’t care what size you are or what you look like; we all have them. It’s fine to want to self improve but it’s another to drag yourself down and feel like you don’t deserve basic human happiness. There more to you and life than your dick.

Thats a really nice thought, more people should think like this
 

Mule

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Thats a really nice thought, more people should think like this

That is a part of what I was drawing attention to: Stop letting your insecurities drive your behaviour. Work on your insecurities. Put in the self-improvement effort it takes to stop obsessing over things that don't matter. Derive a self-concept from an honest knowledge of yourself. Who you are. The important things like integrity, honesty, selflessness, compassion… not what is between your legs.
 

Big_a_20

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We all have insecurities. It's a fear we put into our heads. A lot of times those insecurities aren't based in reality and are not true. It's best to not just worry about it, and move on. I know. It's easier said than done. Think of it this way. "You got nothing to lose."
100% correct

When you hear your inner voice say shit like that you just gotta tell yourself “no I’m not listening to this now, I’ll listen later”. Self improvement is honorable and keeps us progressing and moving forward but when it’s at the cost of our self esteem, it’s not worth anything.

people don’t think that much or deeply about you as you think they do ... because they are too busy thinking about themselves; it’s human nature. Be your best self, know you have meaning and purpose and nothing is a mistake.
 
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deleted5106101

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That is a part of what I was drawing attention to: Stop letting your insecurities drive your behaviour. Work on your insecurities. Put in the self-improvement effort it takes to stop obsessing over things that don't matter. Derive a self-concept from an honest knowledge of yourself. Who you are. The important things like integrity, honesty, selflessness, compassion… not what is between your legs.

You say stop obsessing over things that don’t matter, but they do. At least sexually and physically... While I agree with most of your sentiment about self improvement, when it comes purely to sex and relationships, there will always be that box I can’t check. I will never be good enough, or at least good enough to to compete with what’s readily available to everyone else.

No amount of reflecting or self assessment with change the physical truth when it comes to that regard. So I am taking the best possible course of action given my situation and completely removing that part of my life entirely. If you think about it it’s really just moving on over something I know I can’t change. Instead of countless rejections, jokes, and unfulfilled partners, I’m cutting out the middle man and skipping to the dying alone part .

No point in delaying the inevitable, and who knows, maybe amputating all romantic and sexual encounters may even give me more time to do something else productive with my life...

I appreciate you reiterating your point and sharing your world view, but our situations are just too different (polar opposite really haha) to be able to understand each other
 

Big_a_20

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You say stop obsessing over things that don’t matter, but they do. At least sexually and physically... While I agree with most of your sentiment about self improvement, when it comes purely to sex and relationships, there will always be that box I can’t check. I will never be good enough, or at least good enough to to compete with what’s readily available to everyone else.

No amount of reflecting or self assessment with change the physical truth when it comes to that regard. So I am taking the best possible course of action given my situation and completely removing that part of my life entirely. If you think about it it’s really just moving on over something I know I can’t change. Instead of countless rejections, jokes, and unfulfilled partners, I’m cutting out the middle man and skipping to the dying alone part .

No point in delaying the inevitable, and who knows, maybe amputating all romantic and sexual encounters may even give me more time to do something else productive with my life...

I appreciate you reiterating your point and sharing your world view, but our situations are just too different (polar opposite really haha) to be able to understand each other

True, there are certain things that you won’t be allowed to change. But how does beating yourself up change that or make anything better?! Facts are facts but it’s how we let them work for us that changes the narrative. You want my dick man? Have it. Then you’ll see how you get treated just for being hung. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t get you attention but most of it is just from people that wanna use it for their pleasure and move on. I’ve even had guys turn me down because I was “too big”. The grass may be greener on the other side but sometimes you don’t see the weeds.
 
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deleted5106101

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True, there are certain things that you won’t be allowed to change. But how does beating yourself up change that or make anything better?! Facts are facts but it’s how we let them work for us that changes the narrative. You want my dick man? Have it. Then you’ll see how you get treated just for being hung. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t get you attention but most of it is just from people that wanna use it for their pleasure and move on. I’ve even had guys turn me down because I was “too big”. The grass may be greener on the other side but sometimes you don’t see the weeds.

I would trade with you in a heartbeat, your grass may have a few weeds, but my yard is only weeds... like I said above, our problems are polar opposite to each other so you wouldn’t be able to understand how I feel anymore than I would you. You may have had people turn you down for being to big, but the sheer amount of people who idolize or expect everyone to be hung completely eclipses those who don’t.

I not trying to generalize or make blanket statements about size or anything, I’m just stating what I’ve experienced and how I am proceeding.

Beating myself up may not make anything better. But it won’t make anything worse. Nothing is going to make it better, I can move one and accept my flaw and I’ve done exactly that. To me “better” is simply impossible..short of waking up with a decent penis.. but I’m not gonna go around with falsely deserved confidence, acting like I’m something I’m not knowing that simply isn’t true. Being proud of ones self must be earned, and I have nothing to be proud of. Plain and simple. So I might as well lean into the skid and remove myself from the status quo.
 
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Big_a_20

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I would trade with you in a heartbeat, your grass may have a few weeds, but my yard is only weeds... like I said above, our problems are polar opposite to each other so you wouldn’t be able to understand how I feel anymore than I would you. I’m not trying to generalize or make blanket statements about size or anything, I’m just stating what I’ve experienced and how I am proceeding.

Beating myself up may not make anything better. But it won’t make anything worse. To me “better” is simply impossible..short of waking up with a decent penis.. so might as well lean into the skid and remove myself from the status quo.

dude do me a favor ... post a pic of your dick. I read your profile and I can assume your bi? So if a guy or girl rejects you because of your small dick ... who cares?! Fuck them and their stretched out holes. You seriously gotta get a better perspective on life and your self worth because the shit you’re dragging your self through is not worth it.
 
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deleted5106101

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dude do me a favor ... post a pic of your dick. I read your profile and I can assume your bi? So if a guy or girl rejects you because of your small dick ... who cares?! Fuck them and their stretched out holes. You seriously gotta get a better perspective on life and your self worth because the shit you’re dragging your self through is not worth it.

It’s not that simple, even if for some reason they would want me, I wouldn’t sleep with them because at the end of the day they can do better. Why would I let anyone waste their time pity fucking me, when they could have actually good sex with literally anyone else lol?

At this point I’ve accepted it and am just trying to do the healthy thing and move on and let it go. It would be pointless to set myself up for failure over and over agin when I can just get out of the way and let the real people who deserve it have at it..


-Edit- I won’t even bother posting a picture, waste of time lol. Just picture something between a tic tac and a little Smokey sausage. It’s pathetic
 
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Big_a_20

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It’s not that simple, even if for some reason they would want me, I wouldn’t sleep with them because at the end of the day they can do better. Why would I let anyone waste their time pity fucking me, when they could have actually good sex with literally anyone else lol?

At this point I’ve accepted it and am just trying to do the healthy thing and move on and let it go. It would be pointless to set myself up for failure over and over agin when I can just get out of the way and let the real people who deserve it have at it..


-Edit- I won’t even bother posting a picture, waste of time lol. Just picture something between a tic tac and a little Smokey sausage. It’s pathetic

ok dude it’s your life; you think you’re only gonna get pity fucks, then that’s EXACTLY what you’re gonna get. There’s a lot more that goes into great sex besides dick size. Oral skills and passion are gonna be way up on the list. But you do you bro. Whine about your tiny dick. That’s just some pathetic incel bullshit we don’t have time for. We here like to build each other up, appreciate, and compliment each other. You want someone to shame you over your piece then go to that thread or hire a dom dude for that, not here.

post your dick if what you say is true.
 
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deleted5106101

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ok dude it’s your life; you think you’re only gonna get pity fucks, then that’s EXACTLY what you’re gonna get. There’s a lot more that goes into great sex besides dick size. Oral skills and passion are gonna be way up on the list. But you do you bro. Whine about your tiny dick. That’s just some pathetic incel bullshit we don’t have time for. We here like to build each other up, appreciate, and compliment each other. You want someone to shame you over your piece then go to that thread or hire a dom dude for that, not here.

post your dick if what you say is true.

I didn’t mean to come off as argumentative or aggressive, and I’m certainly not looking for someone to shame me, I’ve got that covered myself, I just wanted to share how things were for me. I really don’t want to argue so sorry if anything I said came off that way.


To your point, I can use orals skills and passion all I want, but compared to someone with the same amount of oral skills, passion, and an actual dick, it just seems childish and selfish to enter a sexual relationship knowing there’s a million other people more anatomically suitable for that...
 

Big_a_20

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I didn’t mean to come off as argumentative or aggressive, and I’m certainly not looking for someone to shame me, I’ve got that covered myself, I just wanted to share how things were for me. I really don’t want to argue so sorry if anything I said came off that way.


To your point, I can use orals skills and passion all I want, but compared to someone with the same amount of oral skills, passion, and an actual dick, it just seems childish and selfish to enter a sexual relationship knowing there’s a million other people more anatomically suitable for that...

and all I am trying to do man is to get you to take off the blinders and see what really matters. Your dick is a (well, for lack of a better term) tiny part of who ANY of us are. We are all not going to be 6’7” muscle gods with thick veiny huge dicks that can fuck for 3 hrs+. But not everyone is going to be attracted to that or be able to handle that all day everyday (It’s an extreme example I know but I just wanted to use a visual that’s a departure for most people). Different people require different things. Some people don’t like to be penetrated and they can only get pleasure manually or orally.

Stop shaming yourself man. It’s not doing you any good and it’s gonna lead down a very dark road that no one needs to go down, no matter what their situation is.

I still think you should post your pic so you can separate yourself from it and get some real perspective. I’ll say for myself I like a guy with a smaller dick because they are the only ones I’ll suck. Different stroke for different folks man.
 
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deleted5106101

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and all I am trying to do man is to get you to take off the blinders and see what really matters. Your dick is a (well, for lack of a better term) tiny part of who ANY of us are. We are all not going to be 6’7” muscle gods with thick veiny huge dicks that can fuck for 3 hrs+. But not everyone is going to be attracted to that or be able to handle that all day everyday (It’s an extreme example I know but I just wanted to use a visual that’s a departure for most people). Different people require different things. Some people don’t like to be penetrated and they can only get pleasure manually or orally.

Stop shaming yourself man. It’s not doing you any good and it’s gonna lead down a very dark road that no one needs to go down, no matter what their situation is.

I still think you should post your pic so you can separate yourself from it and get some real perspective. I’ll say for myself I like a guy with a smaller dick because they are the only ones I’ll suck. Different stroke for different folks man.

Thanks man, I appreciate your input and you trying to get me out of this mindset but I’m too much of a lost cause... As far as posting a pic goes, I just don’t think I could bring myself to do it. I hate my dick but I certainly don’t want someone screen grabbing right and posting it in a SPH forum to be laughed at
 

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Thanks man, I so your input and you trying to get me out of this mindset but I’m too much of a lost cause... As far as posting a pic goes, I just don’t think I could bring myself to do it. I hate my dick but I certainly don’t want someone screen grabbing right and posting it in a SPH forum to be laughed at

dude you’re not a lost cause, you’re just lost in the bullshit of your mind. You think people don’t laugh and talk shit about any of us? Had a dude that said my dick was a 4 on a scale of 1-10 while he gave higher scores to uglier looking dicks. You just can’t give a fuck. Seriously, no ones gonna remember what your dick looked like 5 mins after your dead. All they are gonna remember is what was real and how you made them feel. Being a good person matters more than some cartilage and ligaments and veins dangling between your legs.

get out of those shadows man. The sun is warm and we are all playing well with each other.
 
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Mule

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To your point, I can use orals skills and passion all I want, but compared to someone with the same amount of oral skills, passion, and an actual dick, it just seems childish and selfish to enter a sexual relationship knowing there’s a million other people more anatomically suitable for that...

This is a completely self-destructive and mostly false argument. You are focusing on the wrong thing.

Are there people out there where their lover's penis size is an important factor for them? Of course.

Is that true for all people? Absolutely 100% no.

In fact, from the people I've ever known in my life, the majority don't care at all, especially when compared the importance of their partners being good, honest, decent people that they can trust and bond with.

You don't have a biological problem. You have a psychological issue that can be resolved in a healthy way. One thing I would advise you to do is research mindset theory. You have a tightly "fixed" mindset that is placing limitations on what you can allow yourself to believe. It is stifling your self-concept to the point where your self-esteem is severely damaged. With help and determination, you can change that.

Or you can keep posting here with the self-pitying responses that ignore several points I already addressed in my original post. If you do, I would start suspecting that this is much more of an SPH thing and I will be out of the conversation from that point on.
 
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deleted5106101

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This is a completely self-destructive and mostly false argument. You are focusing on the wrong thing.

Are there people out there where their lover's penis size is an important factor for them? Of course.

Is that true for all people? Absolutely 100% no.

In fact, from the people I've ever known in my life, the majority don't care at all, especially when compared the importance of their partners being good, honest, decent people that they can trust and bond with.

You don't have a biological problem. You have a psychological issue that can be resolved in a healthy way. One thing I would advise you to do is research mindset theory. You have a tightly "fixed" mindset that is placing limitations on what you can allow yourself to believe. It is stifling your self-concept to the point where your self-esteem is severely damaged. With help and determination, you can change that.

Or you can keep posting here with the self-pitying responses that ignore several points I already addressed in my original post. If you do, I would start suspecting that this is much more of an SPH thing and I will be out of the conversation from that point on.

I apologize I shouldn’t have posted at all, I can see my original response was unwarranted and counterproductive. I didn’t want to argue or come across as combative. I’ll see myself out, thank you for your thoughts and opinions