Insecurity when falling for a hung guy

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Zottig, May 1, 2008.

  1. Zottig

    Zottig New Member

    Mar 30, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Grand Rapids (MI, US)
    To preface, I'm slightly above average myself and I am not a bottom so being a size queen in that way just isn't what this is about. I don't even like the term size queen because I don't act at all like that but I am enamored by a large member.

    I can't explain it, but a large penis is the BIGGEST turn on for me. It just IS! I mean some guys are breast guys, some are into butts, some are into the eyes... all I know is the thing that gets my motor running is a BIG penis in my big ol' hands. (and mouth... OH and as an aside... the BEST feeling for me is passionately kissing a guy and feeling him grow in my hand *shudders)

    OK... focus... whew

    Now I've been with guys of all sizes and I've loved guys smaller than I am MORE than I can say. It's NOT about penis size when it comes to relationships or love. Lust, maybe... OK... yes, but not love.

    That said, when I get serious about a relationship with a really well endowed guy I get insecure as hell where with other guys I don't. For some reason I can't let go of the fear of being hurt. I need to figure out a way around it.

    I mean I am not the gay ideal. I'm a big bear-ish 34 yo and have been told I have more than my share of things to be insecure about (gotta love the nice guys out there don't cha). I've given up fighting with some of them and just accepted myself for who I am. I know I have attributes that many people find hot physically and desirable in a relationship but am not blind to the fact that I have others that people would (and do) write me off in a heartbeat over... I am OK with that usually. They aren't right for me anyway. But what do you do when you have a guy who could get anyone he wanted? I mean this guy is HOT on SO many levels and I can't quiet the voice asking, "why did he choose me?"

    When I start to fall for a hung guy the rational part of my mind goes on vacation. It's like the lust clouds those self-esteem safeguards. I mean I know I should just accept he does love me and isn't going anywhere as he says. And that it's OK if things don't work out. Relationships have ended on me in the past and I've survived. I am a big boy. but I don't want to be the reason it fails and I KNOW self esteem issues put a HUGE burden on a relationship.

    Another concern other than the fear is that I know sometimes my passion and sex drive can be a problem. I worry my HIGH sex drive (further enhanced by the raw lust generated by a hung guy) can be smothering to even the most horny of guys. I try to tone it down but sometimes even a suppressed drive can be too much for some people.

    One BF (of 4 years) had a REALLY low drive and was really was insecure himself over lots of things. One can't fix that for someone though I tried... it has to come from within. He felt all I cared about was his large penis... it wasn't true but how does one argue against that? I mean I LOVED him for LOTS of reasons none of which involved that... it was one of the reasons I LUSTED over him... I'll grant that. I couldn't deny that WAS an attraction and I feel I shouldn't have had to.

    Does anyone have a similar story? How did you reel it in? How did you battle the insecurity? Is it harder with hung guys than average guys to just chill and go with the flow? How was it if the relationship did end? Was it worse than others that ended?

    But more importantly... how have you made it work?

    Grand Rapids, MI
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