Insight needed into a relationship with guy

[studboysouth]

Anyone who can offer insight, advice, and/or opinions about a relationship I have with a friend, I would really appreciate it. I am kinda confused about all of this and maybe someone can help.

There is a guy who I have become really close to recently. The way things started was with this guy always saying flattering things to me (telling me that I dressed well, i was smart, attractive, nice eyes, etc.) He told me that when he first met me, he thought I was gay. We both are well hung and we brag about it all the time and give each other compliments. He always talks about how we are two good looking horse hung studs who can get any girl we want, yada yada. On a few occasions (4 or 5 times), we've gotten drunk and jerked together...and about 3 or 4 times, my buddy has grabbed my dick to see what it felt like. We joke about jerking off together, saying how fun it is and how much we like to do it and we talk about doing more of it. Over time, he's become so comfortable around me that there is no inhibition about being naked around me. I feel the same way towards him. We've measured and compared our cocks on a couple of occasions. But even simple things like taking a leak or taking a shower...he doesn't close the door, but rather, he wants to talk to me while he's naked or his dick is in view. I'll be taking a leak and he'll feel free to walk right up. We have no problem whipping out our cocks in front of each other. We've been skinny dipping quite a few times now. My buddy has told me that he is NOT gay but that he has no problem with gay guys and that he has even gone to gay bars and that he wants to go with me....but we really don't talk about it much. It comes up every now and then. He's told me that he flirts with gay guys and that he has hung out with drag queens and stuff. One night he asked me was I gay and I told him no. About a month later, he asked me again. Both times we were completely drunk (and I mean completely). I got pissed off because it's like he is persistent in asking me this whenever we get really really drunk. I tell him no, but he'll keep pushing the issue. The first time it happened, I had told him that I was so horned up that he'd better get away from me. So then he asked me a lot of questions about my sexual orientation and sexual experiences with guys. The second time, I had been joking around and told him I was bisexual. That's when he started asking me was I really a fag. After we sobered up, he'd tell me that he didn't honestly think I was gay. But I told him that I didn't think it was fair for him to ask me that and call me a fag when he openly admits to me that he has gone to gay bars, that everyone who meets him usually thinks he's gay (including he current girlfriend), that he puts make-up on his eyelashes and dyes his eyebrows, that he puts on his girlfriends bra and takes pictures, that he tries to get me to put on women's wigs, that he flirts with gay guys and drag queens, and that he is overly into fashion and designer labels, he grabs my dick, jerks off with me, etc., yet I never call him a fag or ask him if he is gay.

Just a few other things....I've noticed that there is a strong level of affection between us. When I go out of town, he will call me almost every day. When I'm in town, we see each other almost every other day and talk almost every day. I don't do this with any other guy nor does he. People who we hang out with consistently say that he is my boyfriend and I'm his. Even people who meet me for the first time tell him that. I've been told that when we are together, there are obvious signs of strong affection. I've notice that we typically stand really close to each other when we talk and we tend to seclude ourselves. On a couple of occasions, after getting drunk, we'd end up sleeping in the same bed and I would find myself having wrapped my arms around him. He doesn't seem to mind either. Most recently, he told me that he thought I was confused about how I felt about him. I admitted that I love him greatly. He says that I'm confused about why I like him so much and that I'm used to being in control of relationships and that I must feel like in our relationship, I'm not in control. I admitted that he was right...I don't understand why I love this guy so much. We both have girlfriends. He is completely obsessed with his girlfriend. They talk to each other at least 10 times a day and have more sex than horny rabbits. I know he loves her dearly and he spends all of his other free time with her. Both our girlfriends are jealous of our relationship. ..so much so that they will tell us. He's told me that he feels really close to me, that he's closer to me than anyone other male (including brothers).

So...I'm just kinda confused about all of this. Anyone have any thoughts?

 

[mindseye]

Originally posted by studboysouth@Jul 19 2004, 01:21 PM
I had been joking around and told him I was bisexual.

Okay --


When he wanted to know if you were gay, you "jok[ed] around" and said you were bisexual.

One of two possibilities is going on here. You won't like either of them:

1. One possibility is that you're straight. In this case, you lied to your friend about your orientation. You've sent him mixed signals by saying you're bi and letting him jack you off. If you don't come clean, you're going to really mess up the good relationship you have. And even if you do come clean, things still may not be the same.

2. The other possibility is that you really are bisexual. After all, you show so much affection for this guy that your girlfriend is jealous, and you two wank off together. When you said you were bi, you were under the lowered inhibitions that alcohol brings, and maybe said something more truthful than you're ready to face. You also wrap your arms around him when you're drunk.

If you really are bi, then you're in denial about it when you're sober. This denial is leading you to project negative feelings onto your friend -- claiming that he's not being "fair" when he asks you about your orientation.

You've got a serious issue here -- you're being dishonest, either to your friend or to yourself. If you value the friendship, you need to do some serious soul searching and make things right.

 

[13788]

bih20: Interesting story.

Well, I know exactly what you mean so I think I can answer.

Frankly I think both of you are gay, or bisexual at the least.

The way you are writing you sound like you are attracted to him and you really really care about him.

You talk about how he says he has no issues with gays, he has gone to gay clubs, and so on, yet for some reason he really badly has to know if you are gay, and on NUMEROUS occasions has asked you if you are. It just seems weird to me for a person that is comfortable with gays and doing anything to be asking you consistantly if you are, it just should not matter to him the way you described him. To me, this suggests that he likes you, and that he wants to do more with you and that he is gay or bisexual. To go further, he has thrown at you so many hints that he is, from the compliments to leaving the doors open, and being open about showing his cock.

I think the reason he wants to find out so bad if you are gay, is because he wants to see if he can go even further with you, try something more, and I think if you say that you are gay, it will also tell him that maybe you are not attracted to him and he will stop doing the things he has been doing. (because he has thrown a lot of things at you, and I guess you have not responded in the sense that you are not showing you are interested)

You have to be truthful, both of you are playing games.

I just cant figure out one thing and its why he would use the word "fag"...if this is with other people, I would just say that he is so tired of you not making any move that he wants to mix things up and confuse you too.

Hope that helps.

 

[benderten2001]

studboysouth--

I'm not quite sure exactly what you're actually asking of us here to consider and help you with--

Are you asking us to somehow verify this friend's sexual orientation for certain--given his behavior?

Or, is it more of a question about YOU and your reaction to him and the fact you continue to hang out with him (in every sense of the word).

There definitely is some "sorting" to do here, and I'll just venture in here at this point that it seems to be more of a matter for YOU to consider than for him.

Are you absolutely comfortable with his sexual overtones in this "friendship" of yours? Does he instigate these kinds of overtures or, do you? Who is doing the most to prompt the sexual energy you're noting and speaking of here? Or--are you merely tolerating his antics for the sake of saving a friendship? The answer to this is going to help you understand a bit more as to what's going on. That answer might be painful to recognize, accept, and deal with. Perhaps you are even fearing honestly answering this question! You obviously (?) live in the southern U.S. (as I do) and the notion of men behaving in this manner together is admittedly still frowned upon quite often---it's not accepted as readily as in other areas. This fact might be complicating things for you as well. However, this is still an area in your life which deserves resolution. You'll have to be determined and be deliberately bold and strong..with yourself mostly, and with the others in your life.

The girlfriends you each have are also to be considered--ultimately. Are you really being honest (and fair) to them---given what's going on within your male friendships. This activity could (and probably will eventually) complicate your relationships to them.

I've said in this forum before that men are curious of one another by nature. Sometimes, there's no real harm (or indication of actual sexual orientation necessarily) when two men see, compare with one another, or make a few comments, etc.. But, it's the REPEATED episodes of sexual activity between two men over and over and over again --that's where I start drawing conclusions (not judgment, though&#33 about what's really being represented.

This is deep stuff and I'm no expert.

This matter involves some soul-searching from a very intense level. The kind of male bonding being described here suggests to me its becoming (or has the potential to be) more than merely an average run-of-the-mill friendship. So, is that what YOU really want? Again---isn't that the real question here?

Or, is it a question about your friend himself? If his behavior is rubbing you the wrong way, and (away from those occasions when alcohol has influenced YOUR reactions to him&#33 are you downright uncomfortable with HIS kind of friendship? If that's the case, then you will need to consider this matter. Maybe even draw the line. And, perhaps---quite soon.

 

[Bradleem]

To me it is obvious, he is gay trying to play str8. He wants to have sex with you.

Clues..........he always brings up the subject............he grabbed your cock first.(he wanted to see your reaction to that )......he admits to going to gay bars etc (this was said to see how you would react), he is the one always checking up on you whether you are in or out of town........... He is a classic closet case that pretends to be str8 to draw you out and also to get closer to you..............Have you woke up having had a wet dream ( or thought you did? ........ maybe he played with you while you were asleep)...

Remember this str8 guys who are truly str8 have absolutely no interest in another guys bod. No matter how big the cock is......... He might make comments etc but he would not touch you and talk to you the way your friend does.

I would bet that he is gay and wants to go down on you. The next time you are with him.............do not drink as much and only pretend you are drunk and see what he really does!!! Or just call his bluff............. "You know dude you are so interested in my cock its time for you to get closer, get on your knees......... oh and do not worry, this is just between you and me..........no one else will ever know......... now you know you want this big thing in your mouth" .... see what happens and you will have your answer.

 

[jonb]

I agree with mindseye. If you jokingly said you were bi, you should define your limits.

 

[sfsbdgb]

I think there are great feelings between the two of you,you just have to define it ...please don't take this wrong..but coming out is tough...I hid behind girls a long time and really loved them...hopefully what ever happens you remain good friends

 

[MisterMark]

I think you sound like a very thoughtful and sensitive guy. I strongly encourage you to let your feelings and emotions play themselves out. You don't have to tell your girlfriend (or your other friends) about the feelings you have for your male friend.

Life is short. If you feel passionate about someone, and you're comfortable being around him (or her), embrace those feelings! You won't have these experiences very often in life, so just let it happen and enjoy yourself. You're lucky, in this case, because it sounds like he cares deeply about you as well.

If you follow your heart and your gut, you might not always lead the most predictable life, but in the long run, I believe that you will not regret it.