Internal Struggle - Cheating (gay)

Hrules123

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In my personal opinion, without sounding rude, it just kinda sounds as though you’re being a bit selfish aha :/

Although you’re probably not trying to hurt anybody, every time you do sleep with Jacques you are hurting somebody who cares for you. That’s the bottom line really. You even said it yourself it’s because it’s what you can’t ‘have’. You need to make a decision ASAP in order to prevent any further hurt and you probably are going to find it difficult, which also suggests you maybe just aren’t cut out for relationships?
 
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7815281

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There are three people in your relationship: You, Adam, and Jacques. If Adam knew about Jacques and gave you his blessing, that would be one thing. But you're in a three-person relationship with someone who thinks it's a two-person relationship.

Hrules is right. You either stop talking with Jacques completely and give 100% of your focus to Adam, or you let Adam go so he doesn't continue to invest his time and energy on someone who doesn't feel the same way about him.
 

njersey

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I’ll keep it short: in a relationship, both partners should have equal agency. Adam thinks he’s in a relationship with you; but you’re only allowing him to be in a relationship with a part of you. Do you believe that’s fair? And if that doesn’t matter to you more than your own feelings, you should reconsider your feelings. That’s not love.

Spending a life is sharing a life, so you’re either going to have this conversation with Adam, purposely, now; or you’re going to have it, accidentally, in the future.

Honesty is key. You are very young. There’s literally nothing to be afraid of except momentary pain.
 
D

deleted1386282

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I'll echo what the others have said above, ultimately you need to make a choice.

It's understandable that you have some concerns about Adam's positive status. It's not always rational even though he's undetectable and on medication. However, those are your hang ups. You can't then say your sex life isn't what you want it to be when you're the one who is ultimately putting blocks in the way. Like I say, I understand your hesitation to a degree, but if you care about Adam the way you say you do, then surely it's worth putting in the effort to work through those issues? Don't use them to excuse your behaviour.

I get the impression you don't want to make the hard choices, but unfortunately, that's life. You can't have it all, you even said so yourself. One way or another, this is probably going to suck for you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I think it's the reality of the situation you put yourself in. You need to step up and make a choice. Yes, it will be hard and there may well be consequences to the choices you've made so far, but the sooner you accept that and take the step, the sooner you can move past this situation. Because at the moment all you're doing is delaying the inevitable and hurting people in the process.

I think from your post you know what you need to do. My advice is to be brave and get on with it. These things have a way of coming out eventually, and by then that choice may not be yours to make. You could potentially end up in a worse situation than you are now.Try not to let it get to that point.
 

runstoprestore

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Doesn’t sound like you’re having relationships at all, just finding guys on the internet for hookups. You need to tell your current “bf” what you’re doing on the side being dishonest with your hung guy so he can make a decision whether to stay with you or not. I’d say expect to be single for a while and take that time to learn something about yourself so you aren’t looking to multiple guys to feel “loved”.