Internet Dating
- Thread starter hypoc8
- Start date
Principessa
Expert Member
No green card marriage for me either thank you.
Eeeekkk!
A mail-order husband is not something in which I am interested. If that's my only other option I would rather be alone. :redface:I have heard too many horror stories of women marrying men from middle eastern countries and Africa who were sweet as sugar whilst courting and within 3 months after saying "I Do" morphed into the Marquis de Sade. In addition to verbal, physical, and emotional abuse their bank accounts were emptied, and credit cards run up so that they could purchase "gifts" for friends and family in their home land.
Oh the joys!
Years ago, When E-Harmony was young I signed up. I took the test I filled in all the blanks and waited. and waited and then got apologies about having to take time to match up someone as "Special" as I was ! LOL! Does this sound like the short bus to you? I had a couple of other black female friends who were trying out online dating sites with abyssmal results. I hadnt used a picture and I was beginning to wonder if the words African, American, and female together were the kiss of dating death. SO I decided to conduct a wee experiment. I changed nothing but my racial designation. Because I do have multi ethnicities I decided to put "Other" on my application. LAWD HAVE MERCY. Can I say I started hearing the song "Its raining men! Hallelujah! " Where as before I got two substandard matches. By just changing my racial designation to Other I was getting doctors, lawyers, professors black and white. It really was sad. I wish it hadnt but my experiment had worked. I did let them know before they contacted me though exactly what "Other" meant so they wouldnt start tripping. No one rejected me straight out. I am sure they didnt want to seem racist or anything of the type they just did nothing and waited for me to kill them off. I talked to a few but swiftly came to the conclusion that I probably was unstereotypical enough for them not to be able to find a match for me easily....
Years ago, When E-Harmony was young I signed up. I took the test I filled in all the blanks and waited. and waited and then got apologies about having to take time to match up someone as "Special" as I was ! LOL! Does this sound like the short bus to you? I had a couple of other black female friends who were trying out online dating sites with abyssmal results. I hadnt used a picture and I was beginning to wonder if the words African, American, and female together were the kiss of dating death. SO I decided to conduct a wee experiment. I changed nothing but my racial designation. Because I do have multi ethnicities I decided to put "Other" on my application. LAWD HAVE MERCY. Can I say I started hearing the song "Its raining men! Hallelujah! " Where as before I got two substandard matches. By just changing my racial designation to Other I was getting doctors, lawyers, professors black and white. It really was sad. I wish it hadnt but my experiment had worked. I did let them know before they contacted me though exactly what "Other" meant so they wouldnt start tripping. No one rejected me straight out. I am sure they didnt want to seem racist or anything of the type they just did nothing and waited for me to kill them off. I talked to a few but swiftly came to the conclusion that I probably was unstereotypical enough for them not to be able to find a match for me easily....
Mr. Snakey
Expert Member
Principessa
Expert Member
Oh the joys!
Years ago, When E-Harmony was young I signed up. I took the test I filled in all the blanks and waited. and waited and then got apologies about having to take time to match up someone as "Special" as I was I got that response too!:biggrin1: ! LOL! Does this sound like the short bus to you? I had a couple of other black female friends who were trying out online dating sites with abyssmal results. I hadnt used a picture and I was beginning to wonder if the words African, American, and female together were the kiss of dating death. I find on most dating sites that men who are interested in black women want one of two extremes: a Halle Berry look-a-like or a zaftig Mo'nique type. Well I made the mistake of identifying myself as an African-American woman who was interested in White men.:tongue: They were not prepared for such an occurrence evidently.
You have said it before and you are correct you and I are the anomaly that everyone either forgets about or thinks doesn't exist.
whatireallywant
Sexy Member
I'm on Adult Friend Finder right now. Yes, I am there partly because it's a tactful way of seeking out well endowed men (I mean, they tell you on their profiles! Although some do say "Prefer not to say"...) I am also not particularly looking for "Mr. Right" that way, because it's not gonna happen. What could happen is I could meet some guys to have some fun with. And as usual for this sort of thing, be very careful to avoid the psychos!
I am in a number of social clubs and I am more likely to meet someone for a long-term relationship that way, although so far I have not met anyone. I have been attracted to some men in my clubs, but it has been unreciprocated. Being as shy as I am, they probably never knew that I was attracted to them. One of them last year I went to his house for a party, and later did another event he was leading and mentioned this, and he had forgotten that I was at his house for that party! Well, I guess I didn't make that much of an impression. (Yes, it is a real pain being a wallflower at times... I try to break out of that but it's a long, difficult process.)
I didn't date in high school either. There's no way Classmates.com would work for me. Most of the guys I went to high school with were assholes. (I didn't like most of the girls either, so it wasn't just the guys... it was just nearly everyone in the school.)
I am in a number of social clubs and I am more likely to meet someone for a long-term relationship that way, although so far I have not met anyone. I have been attracted to some men in my clubs, but it has been unreciprocated. Being as shy as I am, they probably never knew that I was attracted to them. One of them last year I went to his house for a party, and later did another event he was leading and mentioned this, and he had forgotten that I was at his house for that party! Well, I guess I didn't make that much of an impression. (Yes, it is a real pain being a wallflower at times... I try to break out of that but it's a long, difficult process.)
I didn't date in high school either. There's no way Classmates.com would work for me. Most of the guys I went to high school with were assholes. (I didn't like most of the girls either, so it wasn't just the guys... it was just nearly everyone in the school.)
I've tried a bunch, never had a ton of luck with any. But... I'll share what little success I've had.
HOT or NOT Very casual set-up which I like, very easy to use interface, a few cool and innovative features over other dating sites, and the best part- it was completely free. The downside, they're in the process of changing that right now because they ended up with a lot of spammers. They also stopped allowing "super profiles" for this reason because there were so many who opened accounts to advertise stupid web cam sites. Still a decent site for the time being. One cool thing is that it attracts people from all over the world. I started using the site originally in Korea, where I met a few people, and then when I was on vacation in Thailand and the Philippines I met several more. Since I've been back to the USA I've had far less success with the site but I've still managed to get a couple dates out of it.
springstreetnetworks.com / Fast Cupid Personals - Online dating site for career oriented singles. Find hip, sophisticated and intelligent singles for romance, chat and friendship / personals.theonion.com:
These are all the same site, and there are actually several others that piggyback on the same network. Springstreet maintains the network and then licenses it out to various other sites for a share of the profit if those sites want to have a personals section. I originally found it as rottentomatoespersonals.com, though they've since stopped featuring it on rottentomatoes. I've had a few dates out of this site, and I think in general the quality of the ads tends to be a bit higher. That may be because of the fact that so many of the people who come here come via other non-dating sites like rottentomatoes or The Onion. I actually think most of the people are from The Onion, which means they're quirky and usually fairly bright, like me. You can pay for a regular membership or also buy credits. The credits I bought five years ago for 20 bucks are still good and haven't run out yet, in spite of the fact that the portal I go through to get there has changed 3 times.
Adult FriendFinder - The World’s Largest Online Adult Personals for Adult Dating, Swingers, Sexy Adult Photos, Amateur Member Videos, and Adult Chat : mostly a huge waste of time, so many fake profiles, inactive profiles, spambots etc. All the super hot models that show up in their advertising are, of course, not there. Instead it's mostly middle-aged divorcees, fat ugly swingers, and their ilk. The male-female ratio most areas is about 100 to 1. I actually have met a few people through here, but it was a long time ago, and then only because I used to spend a lot of time in the chat room, which sucked ass. I didn't meet anyone remotely like what they promise in their advertising, either.
Online Dating, Personals and Singles at Date.com : simple site, I think I've had a few dates out of it. Pretty run of the mill.
Welcome to Gothic Personals! : another free site. Good I guess if you like goth girls. Allows younger people to post profiles. Some interesting quizzes. I found this site originally through nin.com, have had several dates through it, haven't used it much at all lately.
MySpace : maybe worth it if you spend a lot of time on your profile, growing your friends list, or posting to groups within the network. Every once in a while I get random messages from girls who liked my profile, few ever go anywhere. I have met a couple though, one because I randomly left a reply on her blog, another because I messaged her in response to her profile and something she said in my college forum.
Facebook | Welcome to Facebook! : about the same. possible to meet people if you put in the time, visit special interest groups, etc.
eHarmony #1 Trusted Relationship Site Move Beyond "Traditional" Online Dating : I was rejected after finishing all of their survey. big waste of time.
Chemistry a new online dating site from Match.com for singles : features personality matching similar to eHarmony and promises not to turn anyone away. They also promise your first five matches are free, which is false, you still have to pay to talk to anyone or view any pictures. Geared toward long-term relationships just like eHarmony.
Korean FriendFinder - Internet dating for Korean singles around the world. Find Korean men and Korean women for romance, friendship and online dating / Filipino FriendFinder - Filipino internet dating site. Find Filipino men and Filipino women around the world for romance, friendship and pinay personals : much better than their sister site if you plan on traveling to these areas, though I here friendster is more popular.
TeenSpot.com - offers teen chat rooms, message boards, profiles, music, movies, and blogs. / eCRUSH: secret admirer match maker plus love quizzes, advice, and more fun stuff : mostly free and could be a good way to get a date with Chris Hansen, if you think he's cute.
Pretty much every other dating site I've been to has been a pretty big waste of time and/or money, and I've been to a bunch. match.com, cupidusa.com, love@aol, craig's list, etc. Of course that's just my experience.
HOT or NOT Very casual set-up which I like, very easy to use interface, a few cool and innovative features over other dating sites, and the best part- it was completely free. The downside, they're in the process of changing that right now because they ended up with a lot of spammers. They also stopped allowing "super profiles" for this reason because there were so many who opened accounts to advertise stupid web cam sites. Still a decent site for the time being. One cool thing is that it attracts people from all over the world. I started using the site originally in Korea, where I met a few people, and then when I was on vacation in Thailand and the Philippines I met several more. Since I've been back to the USA I've had far less success with the site but I've still managed to get a couple dates out of it.
springstreetnetworks.com / Fast Cupid Personals - Online dating site for career oriented singles. Find hip, sophisticated and intelligent singles for romance, chat and friendship / personals.theonion.com:
These are all the same site, and there are actually several others that piggyback on the same network. Springstreet maintains the network and then licenses it out to various other sites for a share of the profit if those sites want to have a personals section. I originally found it as rottentomatoespersonals.com, though they've since stopped featuring it on rottentomatoes. I've had a few dates out of this site, and I think in general the quality of the ads tends to be a bit higher. That may be because of the fact that so many of the people who come here come via other non-dating sites like rottentomatoes or The Onion. I actually think most of the people are from The Onion, which means they're quirky and usually fairly bright, like me. You can pay for a regular membership or also buy credits. The credits I bought five years ago for 20 bucks are still good and haven't run out yet, in spite of the fact that the portal I go through to get there has changed 3 times.
Adult FriendFinder - The World’s Largest Online Adult Personals for Adult Dating, Swingers, Sexy Adult Photos, Amateur Member Videos, and Adult Chat : mostly a huge waste of time, so many fake profiles, inactive profiles, spambots etc. All the super hot models that show up in their advertising are, of course, not there. Instead it's mostly middle-aged divorcees, fat ugly swingers, and their ilk. The male-female ratio most areas is about 100 to 1. I actually have met a few people through here, but it was a long time ago, and then only because I used to spend a lot of time in the chat room, which sucked ass. I didn't meet anyone remotely like what they promise in their advertising, either.
Online Dating, Personals and Singles at Date.com : simple site, I think I've had a few dates out of it. Pretty run of the mill.
Welcome to Gothic Personals! : another free site. Good I guess if you like goth girls. Allows younger people to post profiles. Some interesting quizzes. I found this site originally through nin.com, have had several dates through it, haven't used it much at all lately.
MySpace : maybe worth it if you spend a lot of time on your profile, growing your friends list, or posting to groups within the network. Every once in a while I get random messages from girls who liked my profile, few ever go anywhere. I have met a couple though, one because I randomly left a reply on her blog, another because I messaged her in response to her profile and something she said in my college forum.
Facebook | Welcome to Facebook! : about the same. possible to meet people if you put in the time, visit special interest groups, etc.
eHarmony #1 Trusted Relationship Site Move Beyond "Traditional" Online Dating : I was rejected after finishing all of their survey. big waste of time.
Chemistry a new online dating site from Match.com for singles : features personality matching similar to eHarmony and promises not to turn anyone away. They also promise your first five matches are free, which is false, you still have to pay to talk to anyone or view any pictures. Geared toward long-term relationships just like eHarmony.
Korean FriendFinder - Internet dating for Korean singles around the world. Find Korean men and Korean women for romance, friendship and online dating / Filipino FriendFinder - Filipino internet dating site. Find Filipino men and Filipino women around the world for romance, friendship and pinay personals : much better than their sister site if you plan on traveling to these areas, though I here friendster is more popular.
TeenSpot.com - offers teen chat rooms, message boards, profiles, music, movies, and blogs. / eCRUSH: secret admirer match maker plus love quizzes, advice, and more fun stuff : mostly free and could be a good way to get a date with Chris Hansen, if you think he's cute.
Pretty much every other dating site I've been to has been a pretty big waste of time and/or money, and I've been to a bunch. match.com, cupidusa.com, love@aol, craig's list, etc. Of course that's just my experience.
This is probably the first time I've heard anyone assert that the chances of finding a good partner by going to a bar are high. Confess I must disagree. How much bar dating have you done at 18 anyway? The bar scene suuuuuuucks.
I found the ex-MrAitch on an internet site. I've since taken my profile down. I've come to the conclusion that internet dating sites are just an easy way for predatory people to find new prey. I'd prefer to be alone than go through that pain again.
However, if you're just looking for a fuck buddy, then they're brilliant.
Just not for me...
However, if you're just looking for a fuck buddy, then they're brilliant.
Just not for me...
Not high, but higher than say, a speed dating event or singles night, etc. Desperation attracts the desperate, if you will. Though by bars & clubs I was more alluding to any offline, non-descript, real world interaction - I've been to 'meat markets' too, 't ain't pretty.
(There are - or were - some pretty shady hives in my town; if one was in the right crowd, bars begin at the age of 14 or 15. Fortunately, I soon learned that it was in fact the wrong crowd, and also that clubs really weren't for me. So yeh, I admit my own experiences probably don't hold much weight. :tongue
I have to say that Internet dating is over-all a bad scene. I met my last guy on there and the guy before that, etc. They have all turned out to be men who think that they are ready for a relationship, but they just can't get intimate, for whatever reason, and I'm not talking about the sex. Sex is so easy to find, it's ridiculous.
In fact, I've grown quite tired of "sex with no attachments" in the past few years. I'm quite sexually intimate with my hand these days. Dating is about going out with many different guys and yet somehow never finding "the one."
I recently talked to my ex in Iowa. We left on good terms. Basically I moved to Cali in order to go to school and we never had an official "break-up." These days he lives in Appleton, Wisconsin outside of Greenbay. He still loves me and he misses me. I still love him and I miss him. Unfortunately I have a couple of years left before I can finish my licensure here in Cali before I can realistically think about moving away. Besides I certainly don't want to live in Appleton, WI, no offense, but I just don't have the desire to live in a place that has more winter than Chicago. And lately he's thinking of moving to Minneapolis, Minnesota. That's even worse when it comes to winter. He likes winter. I'm OK with winter but I also like the other seasons. LOL.
And he hates big cities. He'd never move with me to Chicago or come here to the Bay Area. We met in a lesbian bar in Rock Island, Illinois. I was living across the Mississippi River in Davenport, Iowa at the time. We had a 15 month relationship and I'll never be the same. We had some very good times and I loved him and still do very much. (You have to understand that the gay community in the Quad Cities centers around the 4 bars they have there so it's not just about being picked up or drinking. It's a social scene. I belonged to a Euchre Club and I played cards with them a couple of times a week in a bar in Rock Island. I wish we had something like that here in the pretentious Bay Area).
In fact, I found it much easier to have long-term relationships in the Midwest. It seems like Bay Area guys are about "There's always someone cuter, younger, prettier, etc. just around the corner." Well I've been around the corner and then some to know that there isn't even in this gay "mecca". There are so many gay men who are lonely looking for love, who are incapable of having relationships because they are afraid to get close because people here hurt each other so badly.
Where I come from, you don't hurt someone too badly, especially in a smaller town, because you never know if you'll have to deal with them in the future. Besides, in the Midwest we believe in friendliness and civility. Here in the Bay Area people are just cold and shallow.
I don't know if I'll stay here long-term after I'm licensed. I'm way too Midwestern for this place.
Anyway, I think Internet dating sucks. Any meaningful relationship I've ever had has been with someone I've actually met face to face first. Sometimes I think that the Internet, for all its ability to keep people in touch, has caused a real breakdown in person to person communication. People don't know how to be with one another "live" anymore.
OK, I'll shut up now. I'm trying not to turn into a bitter old queen. It's just that I see so much misery here where I work with people and in this community here in the Bay Area and I wonder if people here haven't just lost the ability to love one another.
In fact, I've grown quite tired of "sex with no attachments" in the past few years. I'm quite sexually intimate with my hand these days. Dating is about going out with many different guys and yet somehow never finding "the one."
I recently talked to my ex in Iowa. We left on good terms. Basically I moved to Cali in order to go to school and we never had an official "break-up." These days he lives in Appleton, Wisconsin outside of Greenbay. He still loves me and he misses me. I still love him and I miss him. Unfortunately I have a couple of years left before I can finish my licensure here in Cali before I can realistically think about moving away. Besides I certainly don't want to live in Appleton, WI, no offense, but I just don't have the desire to live in a place that has more winter than Chicago. And lately he's thinking of moving to Minneapolis, Minnesota. That's even worse when it comes to winter. He likes winter. I'm OK with winter but I also like the other seasons. LOL.
And he hates big cities. He'd never move with me to Chicago or come here to the Bay Area. We met in a lesbian bar in Rock Island, Illinois. I was living across the Mississippi River in Davenport, Iowa at the time. We had a 15 month relationship and I'll never be the same. We had some very good times and I loved him and still do very much. (You have to understand that the gay community in the Quad Cities centers around the 4 bars they have there so it's not just about being picked up or drinking. It's a social scene. I belonged to a Euchre Club and I played cards with them a couple of times a week in a bar in Rock Island. I wish we had something like that here in the pretentious Bay Area).
In fact, I found it much easier to have long-term relationships in the Midwest. It seems like Bay Area guys are about "There's always someone cuter, younger, prettier, etc. just around the corner." Well I've been around the corner and then some to know that there isn't even in this gay "mecca". There are so many gay men who are lonely looking for love, who are incapable of having relationships because they are afraid to get close because people here hurt each other so badly.
Where I come from, you don't hurt someone too badly, especially in a smaller town, because you never know if you'll have to deal with them in the future. Besides, in the Midwest we believe in friendliness and civility. Here in the Bay Area people are just cold and shallow.
I don't know if I'll stay here long-term after I'm licensed. I'm way too Midwestern for this place.
Anyway, I think Internet dating sucks. Any meaningful relationship I've ever had has been with someone I've actually met face to face first. Sometimes I think that the Internet, for all its ability to keep people in touch, has caused a real breakdown in person to person communication. People don't know how to be with one another "live" anymore.
OK, I'll shut up now. I'm trying not to turn into a bitter old queen. It's just that I see so much misery here where I work with people and in this community here in the Bay Area and I wonder if people here haven't just lost the ability to love one another.
re: Simcha
My cousin is married to someone he met on the internet.
My other cousin is engaged to someone he met on the internet.
7/9 of my most enduring relationships have been with people I met on the internet.
(2/3 if I only count the ones that went on a year or longer)
The two people I've met through LPSG and been romantically/sexually involved with have been great.
I don't believe in "the one," maybe this is your problem.
and, the Bay area is great. Though I'm speaking as a straight man.
My cousin is married to someone he met on the internet.
My other cousin is engaged to someone he met on the internet.
7/9 of my most enduring relationships have been with people I met on the internet.
(2/3 if I only count the ones that went on a year or longer)
The two people I've met through LPSG and been romantically/sexually involved with have been great.
I don't believe in "the one," maybe this is your problem.
and, the Bay area is great. Though I'm speaking as a straight man.
Not high, but higher than say, a speed dating event or singles night, etc. Desperation attracts the desperate, if you will. Though by bars & clubs I was more alluding to any offline, non-descript, real world interaction - I've been to 'meat markets' too, 't ain't pretty.
(There are - or were - some pretty shady hives in my town; if one was in the right crowd, bars begin at the age of 14 or 15. Fortunately, I soon learned that it was in fact the wrong crowd, and also that clubs really weren't for me. So yeh, I admit my own experiences probably don't hold much weight. :tongue
Maybe these people aren't desperate but just open minded to trying new things when it comes to meeting people. I think the stereotype you are reinforcing here is a very harmful one. There's nothing desperate about wanting to meet people.
Bars are full of the desperate *and* the alcoholic. Usually inhabiting the same person. Also, people who can't approach intimacy any other way than shitfaced, which I think is horribly horribly sad. Not a big drinker myself.
I was hesitant to use the word "desperate" but couldn't think of an alternative, I know there's a vast difference between those wanting to meet someone and those needing to meet someone. The latter are the ones I (possibly unfairly) associate with such gatherings - again, this is from my own experience and I'm aware that doesn't necessarily make it so. These events would definitely not be my choice when scouting for a relationship, indeed as stated in my first post, I wouldn't recommend trying to seek out a relationship at all. If you hang around in bars long enough, you're bound to find an alcoholic suited to you. :tongue:
Sadly, I agree with your stereotype about bar inhabitants and feel similarly about it myself. A big one of the many reasons why I tend to steer clear from clubs now.
Interestingly(probably not, actually), I've never been romantically involved with someone who I haven't been friends with first. I've also never had a bad relationship or had one end on bad terms.
There are exceptions to every rule and "your mileage may vary" applies to all of this I think.
And the Bay Area is OK. It's pretty. I can go on and on why the Bay Area is lacking but I won't bore you with the details. One thing that is a major problem is affordability. The Bay Area is pretty but it sure isn't worth the bucks it takes to live here. It ain't that special. Soon this place will crash and burn with the rest of the USA. Just watch property values fall. In the next few years people will be leaving in droves due to foreclosure. It's happening already.
One would hope, otherwise working class people will not be able to afford this place. And no city has yet to be able to survive with only the wealthy living in it. Someone has to support the economy and the wealthy...
I don't think the bar scene is a good place to meet women either. I don't drink, so I don't go to bars, and I don't want to meet a drunken woman anyway.
I'm not saying you can't find a good match on the internet. I do think one must be very careful. Just remember all the horror stories of meetings gone bad! I just don't trust these dating sites. They all seem so fake, and somebody IS making money of this. Money being involved lowers my confidence by a factor of 100.
As to why I said I would have to lie? I don't belong to any of these dating, or personal sites, so I can't get much info. However, the few that give some details openly to non member visitors tell me a lot. When you look down a page of 25 guys and all but 1 or 2 say: toned, athletic, or muscular body type, above average or large penis, say they have an IQ over 140, and have a big education, and a good job. I feel sure over half are lying.
That's what I would have to compete against. How could I compete and not lie like they do? Make sense?
I'm not saying you can't find a good match on the internet. I do think one must be very careful. Just remember all the horror stories of meetings gone bad! I just don't trust these dating sites. They all seem so fake, and somebody IS making money of this. Money being involved lowers my confidence by a factor of 100.
As to why I said I would have to lie? I don't belong to any of these dating, or personal sites, so I can't get much info. However, the few that give some details openly to non member visitors tell me a lot. When you look down a page of 25 guys and all but 1 or 2 say: toned, athletic, or muscular body type, above average or large penis, say they have an IQ over 140, and have a big education, and a good job. I feel sure over half are lying.
That's what I would have to compete against. How could I compete and not lie like they do? Make sense?
Similar threads
