Interracial Relationships

[Apolo1998]

i´m latino and the other day was talking with a friend and i told him that i wouldn´t date anybody that isn´t a mixed race latino. he was little bit shooked because he said that the way i said it sounded a little bit racist, but i know i´m not. What do you guys think? my perspective is that is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own. Thoughts?

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Lots of people who are racist say "I'm not racist".

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

My opinion, since OP was just stating his..

Saying "people should stick to their own kind" or whatever the fuck is racist.

That's not him saying what he thinks is best for HIMSELF. It's him saying what he thinks of others when they are in an interracial relationship. He's judging others negatively based on their race, and personal choice. He's the fucking racist.

 

[wallyj84]

Having a preference isn't racist. However saying, "that is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own", actually does veer into racism.

 

[emmyfan]

If that's your preference bruh and what floats your boat so be it, it's not racist to find a particular race sexually attractive and not others.

I'm white English but find all creeds and colours attractive, especially enjoy myself some sexy chocolate from time to time but that's just me.
Don't let anyone tell you what you should be sexually attracted to, it's your preference man.

Please don't say "enjoy myself some sexy chocolate from time to time." It is very degrading.

 

[EquusAZ]

The very nature of this topic brings up anxiety in people as already seen. Why? Because it's making us look at a topic that is uncomfortable, racism. If you have any reason why you should or should not be with someone based on race or skin color, then it is a racist reason. People are more than their skin color or where they come from.

White people (talking to my fellow whites here) have a tendency to post "is it racist" threads because they are all about proving that they are not racist. The pure fact of the matter is that if you are white, and born into a country that benefited from slavery, and where non-white people struggle against racism, then you are indeed a racist. Its not that you intentionally went out to become one one, its because society, or in this case your habitus, made you one. You were brought up in a 'white is better' culture. Look around you, at TV, adds on the internet, the neighborhood you live in, who your close friends are (white vs black), your family and their ideals (regardless if you identify with them). More than likely this habitus of yours is more than 50% white. And those white people are usually the ones in positions of power, of financial superiority, and have a say in what gets printed, who gets the job, and hands out the grades. People tend to be what their society molds them into.

Sure, there are a lot of people out there who choose to be racist and spout our white "superiority" but I'm not talking about them. Those racists are easy to spot. That's another issue. Active VS passive racism. I'm not talking about them.

No - I'm talking about people like ME. I don't intend to be racist, but society has made me one just like everyone else. If you think you aren't racist, you probably are, you just don't realize it. The only thing we can do is actively work to NOT be racist. Question why we do certain things, examine our own motives, and act against what we can rationally determine within our own minds to be our inherent biases to NOT be racist.

So if you are drawn to BBC, if you like BBW. If you are predisposed to click on the 'is it racist' threads only to defend your own racism then chances are you're just denying what inherently exists instead of working to correct the issue.

And that, my friends, is racism.

Robin DiAngelo: How 'white fragility' supports racism and how whites can stop it - CNN



I'm in an interracial relationship. These times are not easy, and they are very uncomfortable, and they are making us all (white people) reassess our biases. Just own up to them, and address them. Its hard, and it takes work. But you need to do it!

 

[EquusAZ]

I understand why race seems to be a very sensitive topic for you, but i find very ridiculous to be called racist for what i said. I´ve heard plenty of black people saying the same thing and i haven´t seen this kind of energy towards them

Being called a racist hurts. Just because you find it ridiculous to be called racist for what you've said doesn't mean it isn't true, and saying "I've heard plenty of black people say the same thing" is just...wow. Just because someone else does something doesn't mean its OK for you to do it. This isn't about what other people said, its about what you said.

Saying people 'should stick to their own' is close minded in the very least interpretation, and at worst, well, lets just say it begins with the term racist. Ever hear tell of a pseudoscience called Eugenics?

Eugenics: the study of how to arrange reproduction within a human population to increase the occurrence of heritable characteristics regarded as desirable. Developed largely by Francis Galton as a method of improving the human race, it fell into disfavor only after the perversion of its doctrines by the Nazis.

The argument that people need to stick to their own race is a form of racism that lead to the idea of racial superiority. People like Hitler, Henry Ford, and a lot of other unsavory people throughout history were proponents of this idea.

Now....to broach the topics of dating outside of your own race...

Dating outside of ones own race can be hard. I never said it was easy. Yeah, love is not the only thing you need in a relationship. You need to be friends. You need to talk, and be able to listen to someone else talk, and understand. When you add in the fact that someone isn't the same race there are a whole set of challenges you have to face. So yeah - you don't need ONLY love, but I will amend my statement to say that communication is the key to a good relationship, second to friendship.

The book "Beyond Loving: Intimate Racework in Lesbian, Gay and Straight Interracial Relationships" is a wonderful book to read through to educate yourself on the challenges inherent in an interracial relationship.

But race as a qualifier? Remember you don't have to be a white supremacist or wave a nazi flag or the stars-and-bars to be racist. There is such a thing as 'casual racism' and 'microaggressions' that stem from racism. Crossing the street to walk on the other side because someone looks scary, calling the cops on someone because 'they look out of place,' or saying things like 'you don't sound black,' and not wanting to have a relationship with someone because of their skin tone?

Think of this....lets say you found the most compatible person ever. Wonderful personality, wonderful sense of humor, the sex is perfect, you always get that feeling when you know they're coming over, all of it. But - they're black. You're saying you'd turn them down because you'd rather 'stick to your own?'

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

It's just annoying to hear someone dismiss their racism. Saying the things that have been said in this thread, yeah... It's racist. It just is.

My parents have been together and happy for over 30 years. My mom is white. My dad is brown. They have so much in common, and they compliment one another in their differences. They learned from one another, and grew together as people over time.

This thread is just ramblings of a person who never knew they were racist. Hopefully now you know, and you can learn from it.

 

[EquusAZ]

OK...?

How does this relate to the thread at hand? OP is a mixed-race Latino from Chile.

Easy - because his statement, " my perspective is that is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own. Thoughts?" Is pretty racist. "Their own?" That smacks of segregation and racism.

First off, I'm white. Second off, I'm also in an interracial relationship.

Let me tell you, its not easy. The amount of condemnation we get from both sides is hard to deal with, but from the white quarter (or non-black) the hatred is the hardest. Everything from dirty looks to outright nasty comments from people that we should 'be with our own kind.' I imagine that the only reason we haven't been physically attacked is because it just hasn't happened yet. It easily could.

I wasn't raised with black skin, so I cannot relate to the amount of racism he's experienced, but, I have become sensitive to it, and when people say things like "it is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own" I get, well, pissed off.

Its the most ignorant thing I think I've ever heard. But that's people for you, ignorant to the core for the most part. It wasn't until 1967 that interracial marriages were legal in the United States. And by legal, I mean you could go to jail for it. Even today people in interracial relationships are seen is chasing fetishes or selling out to the other side.

There is a lot of fetishization that goes on about interracial relationships that is quite damaging to the black community and most of it stems from the days of slave labor and the dehumanizing ways they were treated. Everything from 'imagining my girlfriend with a black man' to 'getting topped by a bbc' is a fetishization that comes from taboos placed on black people since the days of slavery.

Maybe I'm more of an idealist than I ever thought I was (I tend to think of myself as a pragmatist) but people should be attracted to a person for more than just physical traits and to talk about whether or not someone should be in a relationship based on race is mind-boggling. The very fact someone questions if they should means that they see people of that race as something other than the same as themselves. The only thing people should be asking about relationships is do I love / appreciate the person I'm with.

So, as a person in an interracial relationship, I think the OP's friend had every right to be shocked, and I think the OP seriously needs to understand that what he said is racist because its obvious he doesn't understand what racism is. Casual statements like he made are the most insidious form of racism.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

i understand that i have an unpopular opinion, but is the way i think.

You think like a racist.

 

[Mule]

i understand that i have an unpopular opinion, but is the way i think.

Whether or not you think you are a racist – based on what you've written in this thread – you are a racist. There may be some language issues here, but the way you have expressed your beliefs so far reveals an individual with deeply-held prejudices based on nothing but others' ethnicity.

Prejudice = pre-judging: You have made sweeping generalizations about other people and the relationships between them. That steps way outside the idea of your own preferences of the way people look or act. There's nothing wrong with me saying that I prefer partners who get horny over my barbecue skills, but saying that everyone else needs to get riled up over the outdoor cooking of their "own kind" and reject all other people is not okay. Worse, it is toxic to amp that up to say that mixed ethnicity relationships have a tendency not to succeed. Where is your evidence for that? And if there really is unbiased evidence, you still have to ask why? There are many social pressures on mixed relationships that might affect their success rate because of people like you.

Self-fulfilling fucking prophecy. Racism is disgusting, illogical posturing by people who don't think. Be better.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

because i think that is better to date somebody with whom you have many things in common, not only hobbies and music, but also traditions and culture and yes race plays a role in all of that.

Whatever.

Think what you want. I'll be over here with my opinion, which is worth exactly as much as yours. Which is Jack shit.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

All the women I fuck with endorse and actively encourage such terms of endearment and affection, far from, quite the opposite of finding it in any way degrading. Not one single woman has ever even hinted at such and actively use terms in reference to myself such as their 'White King', should I find that offensive bruh? Because I don't!

Maybe use those phrases with those women then.

Plenty of people who are not those women do find that phrasing offensive as fuck.

 

[Fishsqueezee69]

Our right to say what we want. It’s called freedom of speech. It’s funny how blacks can call whites and every other race names, but if anyone says anything to one of them that they don’t agree with we are all racist.

And its funny how you think black people belong to another race. No dude. We are all part of the human race and we all came from Africa.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Lol your a joke. You must be banging a black guy.

Racists are always such fucking morons.

 

[EquusAZ]

"I don’t believe you can ever say to someone “you like what you like because you’ve been taught to like it, and you need to re-teach yourself to change your likes because it’s currently wrong.”"

Hoo boy. Where do I even begin.

I'm going to focus primarily on the statement you made above.

The truth of the matter is too many white people accept their own notions of what attractiveness is because the society they have been raised in has told them what beauty is. This is called social conditioning. Pick up your standard magazine in the store and look at the predominant ads whether it be for beautifying products, food, or which bank to put money in, and almost all of the people in there are white. Smiling, long, nice teeth, etc. Its everywhere. TV, movies, porn. All if it. We are taught from an early age what is supposed to be beautiful and we are taught that by society.

Secondly, you state:

"I would say they (black people) had an experience (or their parents or grandparents, etc) where a white person probably sowed that seed of mistrust, and now that seed has grown."

Here is one of the great fallacies that exist today that its 'one or two bad actors' that are perpetuating racist behaviors that are conditioning people of color. No. Its almost all of us. Tiny little ways. In ways we speak, act, react, and heavens, even post online. This whole thread has a lot of white people in it who are saying that they aren't racist and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and they can't be at fault of finding someone of another race not attractive. But they aren't racist.

Right....

 

[4388301]

Had someone tell me to "stick with my own kind". An yeah, I thought that person was a racist piece of shit..........

Thus far, given social circles n area n everything else, EVERY single one of my relationships, casual or otherwise has been "interracial". You can find folk that understand/respect your culture, language, etc even if they are not part of it. Which.. that's the only reason I can think of to stick to your own ethnic group that is not necessarily racist. Otherwise? Yeah, comes off pretty shit n racist to me, but hey, am just some anonymous person on the internet so my opinion is moot. You asked, tho

 

[halcyondays]

because i think that is better to date somebody with whom you have many things in common, not only hobbies and music, but also traditions and culture and yes race plays a role in all of that.

I get that for you. But why do you say "everyone should stay with their own"?

my perspective is that is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own.

This sounds racist because you're no longer speaking for yourself and your individual preferences.

So I ask again. Why?

 

[Mule]

So making others feel bad or shaming them, makes you feel better? Good for you.

Sometimes people need others to put a check on their behaviour. If I say something that is dehumanizing to a group of people (such as "stick to your own kind"), I want someone to speak up about it, even if that is embarrassing to me. Why? Because I accept that I make mistakes and sometimes need help recognizing those mistakes. It helps me become a better person.

Those that cry out that they are being shamed for saying something demeaning based on identity? They are frequently people that are used to social privilege, therefore they often lack humility: Being called out makes them insecure and their defense is to attack the person checking them. The alternative – which doesn't occur to toxic people – is being a mature, thoughtful adult who pauses and reflects on whether they may have some learning to do.

 

[longstroke7]

Not sure why you would want to limit yourself like that but it's your choice.