Interracial Relationships

[malakos]

i´m latino and the other day was talking with a friend and i told him that i wouldn´t date anybody that isn´t a mixed race latino. he was little bit shooked because he said that the way i said it sounded a little bit racist, but i know i´m not. What do you guys think? my perspective is that is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own. Thoughts?

I'm neither shocked nor offended by your attitude. I do think there is some merit to people favoring associations with those who are in some real sense of their own kind. Even if I didn't see any point in any sort of bias in associations, I still think people should be free to choose whomever they want to be friends or lovers with, on whatever basis.

However, I'm not sure that in this case you've identified a real kind, nor am I sure that you're dealing with a category that is particularly relevant to association.

My first question for you is: how is "mixed race Latino" a kind? Doesn't that category include all sorts of racial mixtures? I.e. it could refer to someone primarily of European descent, or it could refer to someone primarily of African descent, or primarily Amerindian, or any combination thereof. So how is this a coherent racial category?

 

[905339]

As a middle eastern man, my physical preference is black, darker skinned woman. I’ve dated several and have had the best sex of my life with them. But the culture class is real, I had to end up with someone of the same culture just because of the social groups and family I’m a apart of.

 

[Apolo1998]

I'm neither shocked nor offended by your attitude. I do think there is some merit to people favoring associations with those who are in some real sense of their own kind. Even if I didn't see any point in any sort of bias in associations, I still think people should be free to choose whomever they want to be friends or lovers with, on whatever basis.

However, I'm not sure that in this case you've identified a real kind, nor am I sure that you're dealing with a category that is particularly relevant to association.

My first question for you is: how is "mixed race Latino" a kind? Doesn't that category include all sorts of racial mixtures? I.e. it could refer to someone primarily of European descent, or it could refer to someone primarily of African descent, or primarily Amerindian, or any combination thereof. So how is this a coherent racial category?

when i say "mixed race" i mean mestizo, olive skin, brown eyes, dark hair, like me. someone who speaks perfect spanish and understands what it means being raised in latinoamerica.

 

[Apolo1998]

From your name I'm guessing that you are born in 1998 you are a young person as well by your logic you should never have a relationship with someone older or younger than you since you're gonna have more in common with a person your own age.

You're from Chile so I don't know how things are over there but where I'm from, it is very multicultural so just because someone is a different ethnicity doesn't mean we don't have a lot of things in common. My group of friends are all different and we are friends because we have things in common that includes black brown, white and Asian.

yes, i´m from chile, and yes i wouldn´t date someone younger than me, but i would date someone 5 or 7 years older than me, more than that idk.
here black people are a demographic almost non existent and white people make 40% of the population. my friends are mostly white and brown. i´ve never dated anybody because i haven´t find the right guy i want for me.

 

[emmyfan]

All the women I fuck with endorse and actively encourage such terms of endearment and affection, far from, quite the opposite of finding it in any way degrading. Not one single woman has ever even hinted at such and actively use terms in reference to myself such as their 'White King', should I find that offensive bruh? Because I don't!

I am telling you how I feel when I hear others using terms like that and I find it offensive.

 

[Mike hung]

I am telling you how I feel when I hear others using terms like that and I find it offensive.

Ok bruh

 

[malakos]

when i say "mixed race" i mean mestizo, olive skin, brown eyes, dark hair, like me. someone who speaks perfect spanish and understands what it means being raised in latinoamerica.

Ok, so by "mixed" you mean specifically "mestizo". And by "mestizo" you mean Latin-Americans with the aforementioned traits. And you believe that mestizos would be better off sticking together, and minimizing association with other groups, which would include not only those external to Latin-American culture, but also other groups internal to it, such as the mulatto, pardo, criollo, and indio. Do I have that all right?

 

[malakos]

and yours could lean towards the features latino’s have (as opposed to say, blonds)

Part of what I am trying to get at with the OP is that he is confusing race and culture in a way that doesn't really add up. The fact that some Latins are in fact blond illustrates the problem with mixing up the two considerations. Latin-American is a closely related grouping of cultures, but being Latin is by no means tied to any particular ancestral background or physical traits. Some traits are more common than others, but it's far from a homogeneous culture.

 

[malakos]

The very nature of this topic brings up anxiety in people as already seen. Why? Because it's making us look at a topic that is uncomfortable, racism. If you have any reason why you should or should not be with someone based on race or skin color, then it is a racist reason. People are more than their skin color or where they come from.

White people (talking to my fellow whites here) have a tendency to post "is it racist" threads because they are all about proving that they are not racist. The pure fact of the matter is that if you are white, and born into a country that benefited from slavery, and where non-white people struggle against racism, then you are indeed a racist. Its not that you intentionally went out to become one one, its because society, or in this case your habitus, made you one. You were brought up in a 'white is better' culture. Look around you, at TV, adds on the internet, the neighborhood you live in, who your close friends are (white vs black), your family and their ideals (regardless if you identify with them). More than likely this habitus of yours is more than 50% white. And those white people are usually the ones in positions of power, of financial superiority, and have a say in what gets printed, who gets the job, and hands out the grades. People tend to be what their society molds them into.

Sure, there are a lot of people out there who choose to be racist and spout our white "superiority" but I'm not talking about them. Those racists are easy to spot. That's another issue. Active VS passive racism. I'm not talking about them.

No - I'm talking about people like ME. I don't intend to be racist, but society has made me one just like everyone else. If you think you aren't racist, you probably are, you just don't realize it. The only thing we can do is actively work to NOT be racist. Question why we do certain things, examine our own motives, and act against what we can rationally determine within our own minds to be our inherent biases to NOT be racist.

So if you are drawn to BBC, if you like BBW. If you are predisposed to click on the 'is it racist' threads only to defend your own racism then chances are you're just denying what inherently exists instead of working to correct the issue.

And that, my friends, is racism.

Robin DiAngelo: How 'white fragility' supports racism and how whites can stop it - CNN



I'm in an interracial relationship. These times are not easy, and they are very uncomfortable, and they are making us all (white people) reassess our biases. Just own up to them, and address them. Its hard, and it takes work. But you need to do it!

OK...?

How does this relate to the thread at hand? OP is a mixed-race Latino from Chile.

 

[derek_restless]

Preference yes. Colorist maybe. Racist no.

 

[Sagittarius84]

That is a personal decision, and, is up to you. It is all a matter of physical attraction.

For those of you, who disagree with me, would you date a person who doesn't fit your definition of beauty? Likely not.

Fair enough but even OP alluded that wasn't the case...that it wasn't just a matter of narrow attraction(which is problematic due to narrow beauty standards but much more benign) but he also echoed the same sentiment most people spout off when they are questioned further about this type of thing, in that " it would be better" to stay with one's own. Not more attractive, not more compatible, better.
Plus US History puts a damper on the argument from white folks because for every "preference" for white women/men when it comes to dating and marriage, never seemed to affect the cosmopolitan tastes of white penises and vaginas when more illicit urges hit.
So yeah, your average minority doesnt buy for a second the "preference" argument because we see the lust directed our way once the spotlight is off...and a lot of us recognize its more of a matter of us being socially acceptable to your family and friends then any matter of a lack of physical attraction...hence all the black people with the surname Jefferson, Washington, Jackson and the like.

 

[malakos]

Fair enough but even OP alluded that wasn't the case...that it wasn't just a matter of narrow attraction(which is problematic due to narrow beauty standards but much more benign)

What he referenced being attracted to (olive skin, brown hair, brown eyes) doesn't match "White beauty standards". In fact, he acknowledged that there are White people in his country, yet he prefers to date mestizos.

Some of y'all are lazily deploying the rhetorical standards of Anglosphere (White) racial critical theory, but most of it just doesn't fit this situation.

 

[Sagittarius84]

What he referenced being attracted to (olive skin, brown hair, brown eyes) doesn't match "White beauty standards". In fact, he acknowledged that there are White people in his country, yet he prefers to date mestizos.

Some of y'all are lazily deploying the rhetorical standards of Anglosphere (White) racial critical theory, but most of it just doesn't fit this situation.

The "Anglosphere" is being used as a parallel, not the example.
And OP only qualified his mestizo attraction as a function of speaking spanish/the culture, not of actual skin color...in either case it references to my 1st post which recognized the validity of disenfranchised minorities seeking to maintain their culture in a society run by another group as status quo by homogenizing their mating/dating strategies. And given the socioeconomic climate of most of Latin America, chances are his mestizo ethnicity play at least second fiddle to Caucasians.

 

[EquusAZ]

OK...?

How does this relate to the thread at hand? OP is a mixed-race Latino from Chile.

Easy - because his statement, " my perspective is that is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own. Thoughts?" Is pretty racist. "Their own?" That smacks of segregation and racism.

First off, I'm white. Second off, I'm also in an interracial relationship.

Let me tell you, its not easy. The amount of condemnation we get from both sides is hard to deal with, but from the white quarter (or non-black) the hatred is the hardest. Everything from dirty looks to outright nasty comments from people that we should 'be with our own kind.' I imagine that the only reason we haven't been physically attacked is because it just hasn't happened yet. It easily could.

I wasn't raised with black skin, so I cannot relate to the amount of racism he's experienced, but, I have become sensitive to it, and when people say things like "it is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own" I get, well, pissed off.

Its the most ignorant thing I think I've ever heard. But that's people for you, ignorant to the core for the most part. It wasn't until 1967 that interracial marriages were legal in the United States. And by legal, I mean you could go to jail for it. Even today people in interracial relationships are seen is chasing fetishes or selling out to the other side.

There is a lot of fetishization that goes on about interracial relationships that is quite damaging to the black community and most of it stems from the days of slave labor and the dehumanizing ways they were treated. Everything from 'imagining my girlfriend with a black man' to 'getting topped by a bbc' is a fetishization that comes from taboos placed on black people since the days of slavery.

Maybe I'm more of an idealist than I ever thought I was (I tend to think of myself as a pragmatist) but people should be attracted to a person for more than just physical traits and to talk about whether or not someone should be in a relationship based on race is mind-boggling. The very fact someone questions if they should means that they see people of that race as something other than the same as themselves. The only thing people should be asking about relationships is do I love / appreciate the person I'm with.

So, as a person in an interracial relationship, I think the OP's friend had every right to be shocked, and I think the OP seriously needs to understand that what he said is racist because its obvious he doesn't understand what racism is. Casual statements like he made are the most insidious form of racism.

 

[HorseHung40's]

Fair enough but even OP alluded that wasn't the case...that it wasn't just a matter of narrow attraction(which is problematic due to narrow beauty standards but much more benign) but he also echoed the same sentiment most people spout off when they are questioned further about this type of thing, in that " it would be better" to stay with one's own. Not more attractive, not more compatible, better.
Plus US History puts a damper on the argument from white folks because for every "preference" for white women/men when it comes to dating and marriage, never seemed to affect the cosmopolitan tastes of white penises and vaginas when more illicit urges hit.
So yeah, your average minority doesnt buy for a second the "preference" argument because we see the lust directed our way once the spotlight is off...and a lot of us recognize its more of a matter of us being socially acceptable to your family and friends then any matter of a lack of physical attraction...hence all the black people with the surname Jefferson, Washington, Jackson and the like.

Your points are valid.

I commented on this from a purely "personal attraction" standpoint of one person to another. I did not consider overall attitudes and perceptions in my response.

Thank you for your contribution, all of which is wholly valid.

 

[Apolo1998]

Ok, so by "mixed" you mean specifically "mestizo". And by "mestizo" you mean Latin-Americans with the aforementioned traits. And you believe that mestizos would be better off sticking together, and minimizing association with other groups, which would include not only those external to Latin-American culture, but also other groups internal to it, such as the mulatto, pardo, criollo, and indio. Do I have that all right?

you got it just right

 

[Apolo1998]

Easy - because his statement, " my perspective is that is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own. Thoughts?" Is pretty racist. "Their own?" That smacks of segregation and racism.

First off, I'm white. Second off, I'm also in an interracial relationship.

Let me tell you, its not easy. The amount of condemnation we get from both sides is hard to deal with, but from the white quarter (or non-black) the hatred is the hardest. Everything from dirty looks to outright nasty comments from people that we should 'be with our own kind.' I imagine that the only reason we haven't been physically attacked is because it just hasn't happened yet. It easily could.

I wasn't raised with black skin, so I cannot relate to the amount of racism he's experienced, but, I have become sensitive to it, and when people say things like "it is better for everybody if everyone stays with their own" I get, well, pissed off.

Its the most ignorant thing I think I've ever heard. But that's people for you, ignorant to the core for the most part. It wasn't until 1967 that interracial marriages were legal in the United States. And by legal, I mean you could go to jail for it. Even today people in interracial relationships are seen is chasing fetishes or selling out to the other side.

There is a lot of fetishization that goes on about interracial relationships that is quite damaging to the black community and most of it stems from the days of slave labor and the dehumanizing ways they were treated. Everything from 'imagining my girlfriend with a black man' to 'getting topped by a bbc' is a fetishization that comes from taboos placed on black people since the days of slavery.

Maybe I'm more of an idealist than I ever thought I was (I tend to think of myself as a pragmatist) but people should be attracted to a person for more than just physical traits and to talk about whether or not someone should be in a relationship based on race is mind-boggling. The very fact someone questions if they should means that they see people of that race as something other than the same as themselves. The only thing people should be asking about relationships is do I love / appreciate the person I'm with.

So, as a person in an interracial relationship, I think the OP's friend had every right to be shocked, and I think the OP seriously needs to understand that what he said is racist because its obvious he doesn't understand what racism is. Casual statements like he made are the most insidious form of racism.

i get where you´re coming from and i agree to some extent, but i also believe that in a relationship, love is not enough, love is never enough and we need to be realistic about it. I understand why race seems to be a very sensitive topic for you, but i find very ridiculous to be called racist for what i said. I´ve heard plenty of black people saying the same thing and i haven´t seen this kind of energy towards them

 

[4388301]

i get where you´re coming from and i agree to some extent, but i also believe that in a relationship, love is not enough, love is never enough and we need to be realistic about it. I understand why race seems to be a very sensitive topic for you, but i find very ridiculous to be called racist for what i said. I´ve heard plenty of black people saying the same thing and i haven´t seen this kind of energy towards them

Just because ya have not seen ppl say it does not mean it does not happen. Am not white myself. Partner is black. The most hate we get is from black folks.

 

[A_dub]

I actually tend not to be as attracted to women from my own culture/ethnicity. Having said that, there have been plenty of women from own ethnicity that I have been attracted to. Its just not as strong as my prediliction for brunettes and blondes.

 

[Hatt_101]

i get where you´re coming from and i agree to some extent, but i also believe that in a relationship, love is not enough, love is never enough and we need to be realistic about it. I understand why race seems to be a very sensitive topic for you, but i find very ridiculous to be called racist for what i said. I´ve heard plenty of black people saying the same thing and i haven´t seen this kind of energy towards them

It's would be just as racist if a black person said something similar. Especially the way you worded it.

And while I do not agree with those black people that say it when it is said especially in places like the states it probably comes more from a place of staying protected by other black people rather than just not liking other ethnicities. For example the movie get out some people would say that would never have happened to his character if he was dating a black girl.

That said as a black person I feel everyone should be intermingled with other ethnicities and luckily I live in Canada where here in the GTA(Toronto for you non Canadians) it is very diverse among young people, id say 90% of my friends are dating someone from a different ethnic background and this is ranging people between the ages of 19-30. Older people things may be slightly different but for young people such as yourself you'd rarely find someone that thinks the way you do here.