Interracial??

[deleted110426]

So I have never dated a guy or been intimate with a guy that is the same race as me. I married a Hispanic guy and though that went sour I am still drawn to the magnetism of being with someone of a different race.
How do other people feel about interracial relationships?
As far as race goes were all the same just different shades.
Have you ever been involved in a interracial relationship?
Yes I have.
How did the experience compare to a relationship with someone of the same race?
There were some differences at holidays and times like that but never really notice a huge difference in other situations.
What were some problems you encountered?
None that I could really think of.
If you haven't been in an interracial relationship would you consider it?
Do you feel that interracial relationships carry a taboo in today's society?
I don't think as much as it used to be. It's a lot more common now

:wink:

As far as race goes were all the same just different shades.

 

[Uslidenme]

I've mostly dated interracially. I didn't start out for that it actually started out as a class thing. I lived in downtown Baltimore. I was raised middle class and the things I was interested in were middle class and most of the black people who live in Baltimore are lower class. The middle class black people all lived out in Columbia Md. I am more attracted to latin men, Italians and Middle Eastern men but I discovered that German and Irish guys liked me.
I learned that I really liked guys with hairy legs. But past the physical for a relationship to work you have to like the person and they have to like you.

But sometimes culture gets to you. My bf of 7 years liked me but his family wasn't comfortable at all with me being a different race.
My next bf I was also with 7 year was literally from a different culture. He was from South Africa and Afrikans. I can't say that race had anything to do with us breaking up. He just got caught cheating and thought that was ok I cared less that he cheated but that he lied to me to do it. We are still friends though. Hes got a chinese boyfriend now. I'm still single. I've never dated an Asian. I would date a Korean or Japanese guy in a minute. Not so much into Chinese guys but wouldn't not date one just because they were Asian. Chinese men don't have hairy legs though

 

[B_curiousme01]

If I loved him, his race would have nothing to do with anything at all. I can see how someone would prefer a particular race tho. People are beautiful around the world, so maybe the "exotic" thing is a stimulate.

 

[Uslidenme]

Good for you! The sooner we realize that we are all connected and interconnected the better.

 

[sodominsane]

i dont really understand the socal stuff about dating up....or down....or all this other stuff...to me its just that black girls are ssooooo sexy.....yeah there are preety white girls, asain, indian girls but black girls just have it going on.........no body complains if someone goes nuts for blonds....i just happen to like chockalate skin.

my favorate black girl of a rich kid who grew up in the burbs.....this was the best cause she had the look i love plus we both liked listening to crosby still and nash, skiing, punk rock shows, and scuba........she was actaully a scuba instructor ...eat that stereotypes

 

[Lawsonishere]

ive dated black girls and liked it better. Sometimes different races have completly different personalities

 

[D_Maurice Mountlilly]

I absolutely agree. At the end of the day, it's whether the couple and their families are able to embrace the cultural, social and even religious differences of your partner because they impact such a big part of your lives.

I think people who are looking for life long partners are essentially looking for someone they can really connect with on all levels. The bigger the differences, the more work the relationship requires. I've been in an interracial relationship with a man who was a different race, different culture, different social background, different nationality, and it took a lot of effort. Love sometimes just isn't enough. You need strength and resolve too.

Often in a relationship, you're not dealing with just your partner alone, but with all the values and expectations that are are heaped on by your family and society as well. We'd like to think that society has evolved into one that is tolerant and accepting of all race, color or creed. But that is not always the case, especially in situations where the relationship starts to get personal. Ideally, we want and need the support of our family and friends, but they may not always give it to you. That's where you really need to be strong. All relationships bring their own set of challenges, and interracial relationships just make it more complex. I am not against it, because these relationships can be be an eye-opener and deeply rewarding, but I think you really need to go into it with a certain level of maturity, understanding and strength to be able to make it work.

so was it your family and friends putting subliminal pressure on you to end the relationship?

 

[VernalTiger]

I've only ever dated white guys (I'm counting the German/Polish Jew here too), but as the product of an interracial marriage, I've always been the exotic part of a relationship anyway.

My dating history is also related to my location - up until very recent years, Australia has been predominantly white. In my primary school class of 50, we had a Filipino guy as our single POC. In my graduating class in a city of 1.1 million people, we had one Asian girl. I've simply never had many opportunities to meet POC.

All that said, I'm attracted to personality, then looks. Race plays little part in whom I find attractive.

 

[Harold81]

I've just encountered too many people who are dating interracially because they want to "date up", have self hatred issues with their own race, want to date a stereotype, etc. I just have a negative opinion of it.

I think really my issue is less with people who date interracially than it is with those who exclusively date one race, specifically a race that is not their own. Only dating people within your own race makes a certain amount of sense to me and I'm okay with it, but I've never run into someone who refused to date people of their own race, who I would argue was doing it for a good reason

In the end, it's none of my business who anyone dates. So date whomever you want.

I have similar views. While I have no problem with interracial dating,( I have been in love with a white man myself), as a Black man in America I look at interracial dating with a bit of suspicion at times. As someone who has very much been culturally aware since childhood, I know the effects Black American Slavery had on the Black community psychologically and I know they still linger in our minds as a whole.

(Some of the things I am about to say my be offensive to some but that is not my intent at all). This is going to sound weird but as a gay Black man I find myself most most suspicious of interracial relationships of Black men and White women. I will be the first to tell anyone that love is blind if no other reason than my own history, however I do consider myself well informed and have no problems with being Black. In the Black American community however, I feel many of us subconciously still have self-hating issues. Subconciously, many of us still believe anything that is associated with "White" is good or better. So many Black men will date women of other races but will talk about a Black woman's "bad hair" and a bi-racial woman's "good hair". Many of us will joke about how "black" a woman is but will never joke about how "white" a woman is, etc. If I have seen it once, I have seen it a million times of Black men dating women of other races, but eventually witnessing certain types of language creeping into their conversation thus giving away their own issues that they carry. Usually the language is disparaging about Black women or Black people as a whole.

There are interracial relationships in America of White men and Black women, however in terms of Black Americans dating interracially, there is a HUUUUUGGGGGGEEEEE imbalance of Black men with white women than Black women with white men, and I don't believe it's just coincidence. In this day and time many of the black communities most prominent, well-off, smartest, most talented are with women of another race. But the same cannot be said of White America's most prominent, well-off, smartest, most talented men. How many white CEO's have black wives? How many White professional athletes in the NBA, NFL, MLB, NHL, etc., have Black wives? How many famous white actors, singers, etc., have black wives? NOW ask the same question of Black men in those same categories and how many of them have wives of another race, and see if they are anywhere near balanced? Considering Black people are now the second largest minority group in America (Hispanics are the largest) and make up only 12%-13% of the population, that imbalance in dating SCREAMS! I read a study about 3 years ago of interracial relationships involving Black Americans and 74% of those relationships involved Black men. With such a wide percentage gap, I wondered why? Not in that the relationships shouldn't be, but as to why it was so imbalanced.

Some may wonder about the white women in these relationships with Black men. Well, in the Black community there has been a stereotype of those women, and from personal experience there is a bit of truth in the stereotypes I must say. Among Blacks, many of the men would be "at the top of the foodchain". But many of the White women they choose have come from nothing, were not educated, by white standards of beauty would not be considered attractive, and many of whom were overweight. In the all black neighborhood I grew up in in the 80's the military officers, the doctors, the star athletes, the lawyers, etc. of the community always seemed to marry the " fine pretty girls" of the Black community who were well educated and whose families were upper middle class. Well today, those same "cream of the crop" men are marrying white women who are strippers, and porn stars, and high school dropouts, and cocktail waitresses, and baby sitters. Is this every case, of course not but in many of the cases yes. Also, in many cases when the white woman is considered "attractive" the black man she is with is really well off financially. This has been my experience.

Are there interracial relationships out there that is soley based upon love and not the persons finances, status, or perceived sexual prowess.... of course. But as common as that is, people getting together for what I call illegitimate reasons are just as common. Just my opinion and not meant to be offensive.

 

[SouthernGirl]

I would never deny man because of the color of his skin.

I have noticed a difference among culture.

African, Arab, Russian men: They like to raise their voice to much, then when you say "boy, you better check your tone!" they get offended.

Indian & Asian men: very easy to relate too for some reason. they like communication

European men: narcissists!

South American men: smothering! Tooooo much love and affection!

 

[lukebarnes201]

and what about Aussies and Kiwis???

xxx

I would never deny man because of the color of his skin.

I have noticed a difference among culture.

African, Arab, Russian men: They like to raise their voice to much, then when you say "boy, you better check your tone!" they get offended.

Indian & Asian men: very easy to relate too for some reason. they like communication

European men: narcissists!

South American men: smothering! Tooooo much love and affection!

 

[blkbro510]

Black girls won't even look twice at me, but let me walk with a white, latin or asian woman, all hell break loose. The stare, lips curl, balled fist. And also I get the angry looks from black girls on their dates with white guys. Just anger. I don't care. Please go on date with whom ever. That's how the world always been.


Anyway folks are going to look, even if you were with someone from your same race, or etc. Folks look, you look back and smile. Folks say something tell them don't knock it before you try it.

 

[Mysterygirl]

Thank you everyone for the insight. I experienced the "smothering" love and affection stereotyped with Latin men. Can't say that I liked it all that much but then again that is a generalization and no two people are the same just the way that one person from a racial group doesn't represent that race. In all love who you love and don't let anyone else's negativity or a bad relationship keep you from finding that love.

 

[mexdude]

Thank you everyone for the insight. I experienced the "smothering" love and affection stereotyped with Latin men. Can't say that I liked it all that much but then again that is a generalization and no two people are the same just the way that one person from a racial group doesn't represent that race. In all love who you love and don't let anyone else's negativity or a bad relationship keep you from finding that love.

well, many mexican men would be like u describe the latin men, its just the way we just learned about romance the mexican way, women here love that, and we just try to do it as much as we can

 

[cocktaste]

As long as you're dating your own species, who cares?

 

[canon]

I can relate to Drifterwoods comments. In the first class of my second year at the university a new Puerto Rican female student entered the class and I had never had this instant attraction to anyone like her in my life. I was mermerized by her. My life changed and we will be married next year. After four years I still think about her all day long and can't wait to see her, touch her, smell her and just listen to her. I think the reason is the cultural differences. In Puerto Rico it is ok to be feminine. It's ok to smell good, look good and show their appreciation and kindness towards their man. I have found that in the past ten years American girls have either become less feminine, sloppy and/or plastic in appearance. This is not the case with Carmen. Even when we are hiking she looks and smells like she just stepped out of a shower.

I find the black American girls regardless of their size do take more pride in the way they look than the white girls. Their disposition is friendlier and kinder generally. So, I do believe that culture does result in a difference that I find so appealing.

Just from my perspective.

I have found race to be far less important than cultural and social backgrounds.

I'll explain that further if you want me to.

 

[B_curiousme01]

I have similar views. While I have no problem with interracial dating,( I have been in love with a white man myself), as a Black man in America I look at interracial dating with a bit of suspicion at times. As someone who has very much been culturally aware since childhood, I know the effects Black American Slavery had on the Black community psychologically and I know they still linger in our minds as a whole.

(Some of the things I am about to say my be offensive to some but that is not my intent at all). This is going to sound weird but as a gay Black man I find myself most most suspicious of interracial relationships of Black men and White women. I will be the first to tell anyone that love is blind if no other reason than my own history, however I do consider myself well informed and have no problems with being Black. In the Black American community however, I feel many of us subconciously still have self-hating issues. Subconciously, many of us still believe anything that is associated with "White" is good or better. So many Black men will date women of other races but will talk about a Black woman's "bad hair" and a bi-racial woman's "good hair". Many of us will joke about how "black" a woman is but will never joke about how "white" a woman is, etc. If I have seen it once, I have seen it a million times of Black men dating women of other races, but eventually witnessing certain types of language creeping into their conversation thus giving away their own issues that they carry. Usually the language is disparaging about Black women or Black people as a whole.

There are interracial relationships in America of White men and Black women, however in terms of Black Americans dating interracially, there is a HUUUUUGGGGGGEEEEE imbalance of Black men with white women than Black women with white men, and I don't believe it's just coincidence. In this day and time many of the black communities most prominent, well-off, smartest, most talented are with women of another race. But the same cannot be said of White America's most prominent, well-off, smartest, most talented men. How many white CEO's have black wives? How many White professional athletes in the NBA, NFL, MLB, NHL, etc., have Black wives? How many famous white actors, singers, etc., have black wives? NOW ask the same question of Black men in those same categories and how many of them have wives of another race, and see if they are anywhere near balanced? Considering Black people are now the second largest minority group in America (Hispanics are the largest) and make up only 12%-13% of the population, that imbalance in dating SCREAMS! I read a study about 3 years ago of interracial relationships involving Black Americans and 74% of those relationships involved Black men. With such a wide percentage gap, I wondered why? Not in that the relationships shouldn't be, but as to why it was so imbalanced.

Some may wonder about the white women in these relationships with Black men. Well, in the Black community there has been a stereotype of those women, and from personal experience there is a bit of truth in the stereotypes I must say. Among Blacks, many of the men would be "at the top of the foodchain". But many of the White women they choose have come from nothing, were not educated, by white standards of beauty would not be considered attractive, and many of whom were overweight. In the all black neighborhood I grew up in in the 80's the military officers, the doctors, the star athletes, the lawyers, etc. of the community always seemed to marry the " fine pretty girls" of the Black community who were well educated and whose families were upper middle class. Well today, those same "cream of the crop" men are marrying white women who are strippers, and porn stars, and high school dropouts, and cocktail waitresses, and baby sitters. Is this every case, of course not but in many of the cases yes. Also, in many cases when the white woman is considered "attractive" the black man she is with is really well off financially. This has been my experience.

Are there interracial relationships out there that is soley based upon love and not the persons finances, status, or perceived sexual prowess.... of course. But as common as that is, people getting together for what I call illegitimate reasons are just as common. Just my opinion and not meant to be offensive.

But it's different for you to date a white guy just because you are gay? SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!! Granted, there are imbalances in everything in life, but the problem is that until people get beyond thinking "race" in relation to life in general, we will still be where we are today talking shi-t about and being suspicious of people who simply look different than we do. I do understand your suspicions but, honestly, I think a few of the things you said that border on being racist and/or derogatory towards women. Bad hair vs. good hair? Uneducated white girls??? C'mon! Not very cool and well-rounded discussion topics about any female! HAIR is a popular discussion topic and a "joke" at that??????????? SO VERY WRONG.

I may be wrong, but I think one reason white men do not date black women more is because the black community does not approve of white men - in general - and especially dating "their" woman. I know that my husband finds black ladies very attractive. It is not about anything other than he LIKES THE WAY THEY LOOK. Period. What is wrong with that? Nothing in my book. He could like Latino's, Asian's, or ____ ? However, I think if he was single and fell in love with a black girl they would have a very rough road...considering he is 6'2, blond hair and blue eyes. How well do you think that go over at her families house on Christmas day? Do you think he would be treated the same as if he was black, Latino or Asian?

Our young people are the wave of the future. Let us all hope and encourage that they grow up thinking differently than us "adults."

bad hair? I cannot get over that comment. :-( It really just....bothers me. Every girl is different no matter her color. Hair "type" included.

 

[g_whiz]

Should, will, and have are three entirely different beast. Should race mater, no. Does race matter as much as it did 100 years ago, absolutely not. Does it still matter to a lot of people, hell yes. Ignoring that fact is optimistic at best. One of my friends said he will never date another black girl, not because he isn't into them, but because relationships are too much trouble on their own and family drama is too much to add. Do I think that is pathetic, yes. Do I have to live with the kinda family shit that he deals with, no. It is a personal decision but I feel you should do what you want with who you love. Any sacrifices that may be needed are worth it if you actually love that person.

I think you put this really well. Acording to the social sciences the idea of "races" being biologically different is a myth, but the social creation and perpetuation of that concept is real. So people basically are racist based on ideas that are outdated and scientifically disproven. There is only one race, but many variations on it. You never see orange cats discriminating against black ones or striped ones.

 

[wallyj84]

bad hair? I cannot get over that comment. :-( It really just....bothers me. Every girl is different no matter her color. Hair "type" included.

Good hair/bad hair distinction is a problem that has existed in the black community for a very long time. There's nothing sexist about it. Black men can also have "good" or "bad" hair.

A good movie about this issue is Chris Rock's, "Good Hair."

 

[aajjxx]

Kinda know what you're going through here. White women never payed attention to me until I got a Latin woman. Now I get stares, snarls, and all kinds of stink eye from them.

Even had an old rich looking blonde tea party woman stop us in the store and tell me I'm doing my race a disservice by dating a dirty spic, and that the loser white men who date those "low lives" should be deported along with them. *shrug

Black girls won't even look twice at me, but let me walk with a white, latin or asian woman, all hell break loose. The stare, lips curl, balled fist. And also I get the angry looks from black girls on their dates with white guys. Just anger. I don't care. Please go on date with whom ever. That's how the world always been.


Anyway folks are going to look, even if you were with someone from your same race, or etc. Folks look, you look back and smile. Folks say something tell them don't knock it before you try it.