I knew I was going to be misunderstood somewhere down the line.
Example: A man and woman meet and there is immediate chemistry. Exchange emails and telephone numbers. Dirty talk on the phone, about what each of them like. No overtly dominate statements by the woman, but the man does. The woman agrees to what he wants and he agrees to what she wants. Mostly they match in desires/fantasies. Naughty pics exchanged. When they meet, clothes fly off and things get extremely hot quick. The woman starts to talk the same way as on the phone and the man retreats mentally. Not physically, just mentally. After bodily fluids fly, the man says she is too assertive/aggressive. Yet he will play with her his way. His body reacted opposite to what he said. He enjoyed every minute yet.....was too I don't even know, to do it again.
This is an interesting topic Jenn. Thanks for bringing it up because it is thought-provoking.
Its a bit tricky to respond to because we do not know what the behaviour was that he regarded as "assertive/aggressive".
With that caveat in mind, I get the sense that you are like this:
1. You expect a man to meet your sexual needs, and you have ideas about how he should do this
2. You express that expectation in clearly in your communication (including body language).
Is that an accurate description?
If so, you may find that some men are uncomfortable with this because it threatens the masculine role.
I prefer to "wear the pants" in a relationship, so I feel more comfortable with more traditional, submissive women who like the man to take control. More dominant women don't scare me; it just wouldn't feel comfortable. Its a personal preference.
Everyone has difference preferences and the key challenge is finding someone who "fits".
If its of any comfort, I honestly think there are lots of men out there who would be more comfortable with taking a back seat and letting a woman like yourself dictate how things go. The problem is finding them (especially since they probably tend to be shy).
It seems to me that there was miscommunication at the email stage: you both made it clear what you wanted, but he didn't catch on that you would be so assertive about your expectations when in the bedroom. You did note that he made overtly dominant statements, whilst you did not.
In future communication, maybe you could make it clear to men that you like to take control in the bedroom and give orders? That will scare away men who don't like assertive women.
p.s. I suspect this topic is less about "intimidating men with sexuality" but the topic is more about "inimidating men". The sex bit is just context.
Again, thanks for the thread Jenn - very thought-provoking.
