Intolerance or Understandable?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by jeff black, Sep 21, 2008.

  1. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Often I find I'm developing a lack of patience for people who refuse to better themselves. You all know a person like who I'm talking about, I hope. These people who refuse to fix themselves, spend their time bitching about their problems and yet, won't take the steps to remedy the situation.

    Anyone else? Am I being intolerant to people with problems??
     
  2. SpeedoGuy

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    I'm increasingly intolerant of the neighborhood nearby whose homeowners seem incapable of disciplining their kids or removing trash from their front yards.
     
  3. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Not at all, jeff. What would be even better than being impatient would be to help them out. Volunteer for a literacy project or help with a training program. You may find that you have a special talent for that.
     
  4. naughty

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    Workin&#039; up a good pot of mad!
    Jeff I can understand your impatience but some people for whatever reason dont seem to have the impetus to get out of the ditch. They may well be depressed. Whatever the reason, you need to talk to Dee Blackthorne. I cant wait to see what he calls his practice when he finally hangs out his shingle . He had me laughing my ass off a while ago in his blog when he talked about what he was really thinking while patients continued to come to him with the same problems week after week to no avail. I think he is going to give Dr. Phil a run for his money in the way of feistiness! LOL! :biggrin1:
     
  5. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    That particular situation disgusts me so much. No matter how much you talk to people about the condition of their lawns or talk to them about the fact their child needs some discipline, if they don't want to improve, they won't. It's rather frustrating.

    What I like about that thought, Pecker, is the idea that it could work. However, the more I try to work with some of those students (if I'm referring to them as the people I'm tired of tolerating) the more they just throw up their hands and refuse to try. They've given up completely. It's one of the problems with some youth today.
     
  6. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I am ever growing impatient for human life in general.
     
  7. Phil Ayesho

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    Ah yes--- 26... that's about when it starts.

    When you are in High School or college you have all kinds of friends... meet all kinds of people and the great thing about youth, about that environment is that the world looks to be equally full of promise for all.

    Any of you could become anything, it seems. You imagine the future full of accomplishment for one and all.


    But then the reality of real life begins to take its toll.

    Life begins to separate you from other--- even your friends... to Stratify everyone into categories based upon ambition, ability, family support or connections...

    By 26 it becomes apparant that not ALL the people you knoew will be equally successful, will be equally ambitious, or will equally receive the lucky breaks...


    Its a hard time... you can not help friends who lack focus, drive or ability.

    And, to a certain extent, if you are moving forward, and they are not, your trying to remain their freind is actually painful and demoralizing for them.


    They come to resent your accomplishment- to resent your efforts to help...



    Life will separate you from the people who seemed your peers in your teens.


    You must look for new associations among people who are more like yourself... people who can feel your equal and with whom you can relate.


    It is cruel- but it is true.


    Do not judge those that seem not to measure up, because, chances are , there are people even more ambitious and resourceful than you who might judge you as well...

    Rather... imagine a man with a cane and a bum leg... you would never think less of him for not being able to run a marathon...

    In the same sense- those who can not achieve are similarly handicapped- but in ways that do not advertise themselves as does a physical disability.

    Genetics and social circumstance result in a wide spectrum of human ability, talent and effort.



    Get used to the fact that others are as they are... and have compassion for the suffering they endure in watching others do more.
    They were born without the special circuit thru which you make sense of the world...
    You could try and explain to them till you were blue in the face... but its like explaining color to a blind man.
     
  8. nudeyorker

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    You can't make people be more than they are. If one has the aspirations to change or improve themselves they will take the steps to do so if and when they are ready. On the other hand; I am very intolerant of people who are constant victims, because they choose to remain a victim so they get the feedback they need.
     
  9. earllogjam

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    You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, but he will piss and shit whenever he damn well pleases.
     
  10. Mr. Snakey

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    You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink. You can offer help to people. However in truth people have to help themselves. You can show them how to change but they have to make the changes.
     
  11. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Doesn't that FRUSTRATE you? TO have no drive, no desire to be better.....it breaks my heart.
     
  12. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    See, that's not a way I want to feel. As an eternal optimist, I like to give people the benifit of the doubt and help them when I can. It's the teacher in me, I suppose. Either way, I find myself developing extreme discomfort in these situations.


    A brilliant blurb, Phil. I dont want to become some sort of jaded character. Does anyone know a way to help these people who just don't want to change, or refuse to change?


    I'll keep my ears open for his radio show when it hits the air.:wink:
     
  13. Mr. Snakey

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    Yes. However thats the way it is with people. Only when they are ready (and they may never be) can they really change. You have to take heart in that you tried to help someone. Thats a very good thing. We need more people in the world like that today.
     
  14. whatireallywant

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    I mostly agree, but in some of our cases we did NOT have the friends in high school or college. I did have a few friends in college though. But I was always ambitious. I'm suffering now because of the changes in my chosen career and because of the economy, but I'm looking for ways to improve my situation.

    Also, a lot of times I didn't see the ambition in people I went to high school or college with, especially the girls since they had been brainwashed by their families that ambition was "unfeminine". I mean, we had girls who did really well in high school who didn't go to college and had no desire to go. Now, granted, there could have been financial reasons for that, but my guess too is that they just didn't want to. And in some cases, probably their families didn't want them to! But some of the boys were also unambitious as well.

    It's frustrating to people who are involved with someone like that as well. One of my constant gripes about one of the guys I dated (the one I sometimes refer to as "The Asshole" :biggrin1:) is that he was perfectly happy to work part-time for minimum wage, spend all his earnings on beer, and live with his parents for the rest of his life. He even had a degree, but didn't want to venture out into his field of study too much (he was an IT guy too) because he didn't want to try anything new. I'm surprised that he even went to school for IT!

    Whereas I wanted to have a good career in IT, move out of that area and into a city, and keep reaching for more success in life (Yes, I know that success isn't JUST money, but money sure helps!) And for the most part I did succeed in my goals. I finally did find a career in IT, and did move to the city. However, I also lost my job in IT and am now struggling, and wondering what to do next. But I still do have the drive - I'm not one who has "simply given up".
     
  15. nudeyorker

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    Yes to a degree it does, I used to work as a Public Defender and came to the realization that there are people who want help and don't want to have to do anything to get it, and there are people who enable them by allowing it. There are other people who need help and will do what ever needs to be done and there are people who can give them the tools and show them the way.
     
  16. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I agree with that thought.

    I commend you and everyone else who has found their place in society. It takes alot to get to where you want to be, and as we have seen, not everyone can handle that.


    Ah, the people who wish on a platter. I know them well. It's like being fat and looking for a cure, without considering exercise or proper diet.
     
  17. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Last night, (the reason I posted this) is because I had a discussion with a friend of mine. When I say discussion, I mean argument. The scenario consisted of us driving to get some dinner at a thai place, and we hit a red light. As we waited, I noticed a "homeless" gentleman, standing on the side of the road, with a sign that read, " Homeless and hungry, please help." This broke my heart. Coming from a small town, I rarely see homeless people. As I commented how sad that made me feel, she responded by saying that this guy was probably an alcoholic or something, and that there are places he could go if he wanted help.

    Thoughts?

    Personally, I can see the logic in that statement and I know that it's very possible he has made some bad choices in life. However, I have to wonder if he is there because he wsa too stubborn to be fixed.
     
  18. nudeyorker

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    Don't have the answer here. I see people in NY everyday asking for money for food. If I'm not racing with the wind to be someplace I will offer to buy them a bagel or hot dog or whatever is close by, if they refuse the offer, I figure they want the money for drugs or booze. I think one of the worst feelings in the world is being hungry. It is a quick fix to help there. But there are agencies in every major city that can help with the rest. Some people don't know where the shelters are; any policeman in your city can direct you or them. There we go! We helped someone who may or may not have needed it.
     
  19. whatireallywant

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    I know someone who has been homeless, and when she was homeless, was an alcoholic and drug abuser. Turns out she had undiagnosed bipolar disorder and was "self medicating". Now she is on disability, takes medication for her bipolar, and has been clean and sober for many years.

    Moral of story: Don't be so judgmental, even if they ARE alcoholics/druggies. They could have mental illnesses that are undiagnosed. The help they'd need in this case would be medications that really do help with the mental illness they have, and some rehab program to help with the addictions. But then of course they have to be willing to take the effort to do so. My friend I mentioned in the above paragraph was willing to put out the effort, and last I heard she not only had her disability and medications for her illness, but also has a job.
     
  20. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    That twinge in your intestines
    Everybody is struggling. Their energies may be engaged in a task that doesn't allow them time or energy to move in the direction you or I may think they should be going. Who's to say?

    But about the second time somebody comes to me whining about a problem that it's obvious to me they're not addressing, I tell them to drop it.
     
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