Intra- and inter-generational lust

[D_Harvey Schmeckel]

Hey,

After hearing the phrase "52-year-old man" repeated with a sneer a thousand times in the last couple of weeks, I've been wondering about age and sexual attraction. At 52 I find the same thing to be true as was true for me at 42, 32, or 22: I'm most attracted to men my own age. Sure, a young hottie can turn my head and a lot of 50-something guys have let themselves go to the point that no one would find them attractive. But for me no man is hotter than a really hot guy my own age; that weak-in-the-knees, drunk-with-lust feeling has always been something that a hot contemporary can evoke more than someone older or younger. Maybe its a generational fellow-feeling thing; don't know. But I'm very thankful that this is the case.

The Foley phenomenon reminds me of the vast number of gay and straight men my age who are exclusively attracted to much younger partners. The ones who therefore give up hope are sad cases, but the ones who humiliate themselves chasing after young ass are even sadder. I can't condemn them though, because I have no more clue why their attractions are intergeneration than why mine are intra-. Instead of condemning them, I think "there but for the grace of God go I." I didn't choose to find guys my own age hot, any more than they chose such a self-defeating direction for their lusts.

Can anyone comment on how/why some guys get permanently fixated on youthful attractiveness while others are oriented to partners their own age? Another element in the mix is young guys who from the start are most attracted to older partners, something I could barely grasp when I was young amd still eludes me.

NWNCCPL

 

[davidjh7]

I've honestly stopped trying to analyze my attractions, especialyl since they keep going out of my "usual" patterns. I have, however, always been attracted more to younger than myself. My age range, however, has tended to move later with my advancing years. I often joke it is a good thing I was sexually repressed in my early teens.. . Honestly, I wish I WERE mostly attracted to guys my age. While I have, love and respect my friends from every generation, and I get something unique and special from each of them, my lusts tend toward younger. In the gay world, this means"yeah, well, get in line", I've found more often than not. I know my attractions aren't from some mid-life crisis, because I have always had them. They are honest, at least, if not fullfilling. THe large majority of my lovers have been younger, or my age, very rarely older. This particular peccadillo(sp?) of mine has caused me far more pain than pleasure, and frankly I wish I could choose. But you can't choose who you love, or lust after, any more than you can choose your fetishes. They just ARE. You accept them, deal with them the best you can, and try to make the most of them. That's what I have done, although I must confess that as of the end of my last relationship, I have definately had it, and I have lost all interest in pursuing any kind of sexual or intimate relationship with anybody. Maybe I will change my mind in a few years, but in this case, I doubt it---I have never before lost ALL desire, physical, emotional, and mental--towards others before. If I have a few friends, that's enough, or will have to be enough. Ok--sorry for the long post--just triggered a response to an ongoing event in my life.:redface:

 

[D_Harvey Schmeckel]

"You can't choose"-- well, yes and no. I wonder how much our attractions are innate vs. acquired. I don't see any possibility of changing the fact that I'm 80-to-90 percent gay. Or attracted mostly to middle aged guys. But OTOH there are some attractions/repulsions that I think are culturally conditioned and a little experimentation will broaden our horizons. Before starting to go to sex parties ten years ago, I would have said fatties don't attract me, period, end of story. But a few otherwise hot fatties spreading their cheeks and saying "fuck me" (whether in words or deeds) kinda changed my attitude. Now I'm much more flexible on body types. One of the fun aspects of getting into the party scene is learning which parts of one's attractions are malleable and which are set in stone.

 

[davidjh7]

"You can't choose"-- well, yes and no. I wonder how much our attractions are innate vs. acquired. I don't see any possibility of changing the fact that I'm 80-to-90 percent gay. Or attracted mostly to middle aged guys. But OTOH there are some attractions/repulsions that I think are culturally conditioned and a little experimentation will broaden our horizons. Before starting to go to sex parties ten years ago, I would have said fatties don't attract me, period, end of story. But a few otherwise hot fatties spreading their cheeks and saying "fuck me" (whether in words or deeds) kinda changed my attitude. Now I'm much more flexible on body types. One of the fun aspects of getting into the party scene is learning which parts of one's attractions are malleable and which are set in stone.

True---and as the old saying goes, you never know until you try. And you are right there are some "conditioned responses" that always come into play. In my case, yes, I DID make honest, real efforts, keeping as open a mind as I could. Some things, for whatever reason, do seem to be inate in our personalities or makeups. Where they came from, you could debate until hell freezes over, and still not come up with a clear answer. Some things you eventually have to accept about yourself, when you have fought the good fight. Others you can change if you honestly want to change, and are motivated to do so. I guess the trick comes in figuring out which is which.