Invent Your Sexual Position

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by B_NineInchCock_160IQ, Nov 19, 2006.

  1. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    Alright, not sure if this is going to catch on or not. Mercurial and I thought it up tonight in the chat room. Here are the rules:

    At the end of every post in this thread, make up the name for some imaginary sexual postion. Can be whatever you want.

    At the beginning of every post in this thread, your job is to explain how to perform/engage in the sexual position given at the end of the previous post.

    Understand?

    To get things started, here's the first imaginary position:

    Quarterback.

    Whomever makes the next post, you need to tell everyone what's involved in executing the "quarterback" position, then conclude your post with a made up name of a made up position of your own. k... go.
     
  2. dannymawg

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    Get a Twister-style playing field, marked out with a gridiron. Partners then proceed, using various positions or play, to drive the other into the end zone. No losers - only winners :biggrin1:

    New position: Tilt A Whirl
     
  3. mindseye

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    On a seesaw, with their pelvises near the fulcrum, either partner on top and trying not to get dizzy or fall off.

    The Nuclear Option
     
  4. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    In a scenario reminescent of the Cold War era arms build-up, two partners facing each jack each other off to make themselves as aroused as possible, going as long and hard as they can without ever actually achieving orgasm. If one or the other actually comes.. then you've lost the game.

    One-Legged Pony Ride
     
  5. Oz10

    Oz10 Member

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    Its like chicken, but nobody REALLY loses

    one partner has to mount and ride the other with one leg behing his/her head (yoga style). it takes skill and balance and looks like a car wreck aftermath
    damn, almost forgot...
    splash mountain
     
  6. BigA

    BigA New Member

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    to have sex while on a roller coaster. there could be some kind of club for this.

    Monkey elegance
     
  7. dong20

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    Participants hang from sturdy branches while attempting intercourse in whatever way they can. Bungy cords can be used to allow for height variations and to provide alternate positional possiblities. One bonus is many can take part at once depending on the strength of the branch and enthusiasm of the partcipants.

    Next....

    Blind mans bluff
     
  8. BigA

    BigA New Member

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    One person puts two condoms on their forehead while everyone jizzes on their face til their filled with cum.

    Texas scold em
     
  9. dcwrestlefan

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    you take a guy's hard "longhorn", and back hand it really hard. then jam your mouth down on it.

    FIVE ON TWO
     
  10. ClaireTalon

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    Sounds like a special issue of the good ol' missionary, where you use your hand [five fingers] on her tits [two]. The rest is the standard in-and-out.

    Aerial Refueling.
     
  11. snoozan

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    A position where the receiving partner is on their knees and elbows with ass in the air while beinr penetrated in the ass by the other partner. The partner on top balances himself such that he has no contact with anything other than the bottom partner's body. Sort of like the top board of a seesaw. Now, the guy on the top has to sucessfully drink a 32oz. bottle of gatorade while "flying" in this precarious position.

    Transylvanian Mud Wrestling
     
  12. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    Popular among some of the more hardcore alt/fetish fans out there... this position begins with a traditional Cleveland Steamer (where one partner takes a shit on the other partners chest while they lay on their back, then steamroll the shit around back and forth with their buttcheeks) After both partners are sufficiently shitty, the one being shat upon bites the back of the first partner's neck hard enough to draw blood. Follow with insertion, and you end up with a shitty (literally) and bloody upright-reverse cowgirl.

    Glazed Octopus
     
  13. Ethyl

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    I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth.

    Glazed Octopus: one partner laying supine on the bed, the others pour an excessive amount of non-sticky lube all over him/her and use only their hands to pleasure that person. Each additional partner must use both hands and the person who is "glazed" must experience an orgasm before the lube dries. First partner to give them an orgasm is the winner and gets to be the next Glazed Octopus.

    Tailgating
     
  14. ruffboy

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    working with the theme of basting and glazing, the tailgating position involves using a long, thick shafted basting brush to apply copious amounts of warming KY gel to both the "honey pot" and the "turkey leg". the tickling brush arousing both partners to a critical mass when its simply required that his turkey leg be dipped repeatedly in her honey pot for extra flavor. best served in a parking lot, on your tailgate with all your best friends watching ;-)

    The Palm Tree
     
  15. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    I've been getting a good laugh out of this thread and don't want to see it die, so guess I will continue.

    The Palm Tree: Masturbation while in a standing position. get it?

    ok

    Bullet With Butterfly Wings
     
  16. Ethyl

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    One partner face down on bed, the other standing behind with arms stretched out to the side. The goal for standing partner is to penetrate the partner on the bed using arms only for balance--they cannot touch the partner on the bed.

    Billy Corgan would be proud.

    Fearful Symmetry
     
  17. ruffboy

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    a good sport of a lady hangs horizontaly in a sex swing, legs and mouth wide open while two equally hung men stand at the top and bottom. our maiden glides back and forth like a pendulum penetrating an oriface at each end on each swing. the fear arrives though the shoddy construction of the beam by which she hangs from the ceiling

    Jonah and the Whale
     
  18. dannymawg

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    Jonah and the Whale involves three way sex on a boat - preferably at the stern. Each partner draws straws to see who will have to ride the side of the boat, and be on the receiving end. If that receiving partner falls in the water, the third partner (who's been in the water the whole time) gets to keep the catch for three days and nights.

    TACTICAL STRIKE
     
  19. Nitrofiend

    Nitrofiend New Member

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    The recieving partner designates certain areas of his or her own body as bullseyes with respective point scales. Whilst cumming, the giving partner must pull out and aim so that his spunk lands in the bulleyes that will give him the most points. The back of the head is unconditionally 500 points, and either earlobe is 1000.

    Sprinkled Donut
     
  20. dcwrestlefan

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    you spray cum in a circle around the breast area. but it must be in drips, not a complete circle.

    MERCURIALBLISSANDNINEINCHFUCKSESSION...

    discuss.

    (ok, am i speaking the obvious? these two seriously need to hook up)

    oh man am i going to be less popular than before. ;-)

    love, cupid.
     
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