Is a normal friendship possible between gay and straight men?

[hypolimnas]

Yes.

I have a very good friend who is gay...we see eye-to-eye on just about every matter except politics and who we find attractive. There is a mutual respect there that MUST be intact or it will fall apart.

Mutual respect is important in all meaningful relationships. It is important to remember that gay guys can have non-sexual friendships with other gay men too. I have great friends, all different. I don't always have a label for their sexuality, or think about their sexuality that much. We are friends for many different reasons.

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

If I ever have a gay friend he'd better be okay with hugs.

Manly hugs, of course.

Awww big ole manly bear hugs are the best. I like em but get so few. If he hugs ya peeps, don't pull his finger.

 

[headbang8]

If I ever have a gay friend ...

"If", Pecker?

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

I know it's possible but I haven't has as much success with it as I wish. I have had one or two successful friendships with gay guys. I cherish them and they respect me enough to not hit on me. The others were trolls out for a young guy. So sad. Sigh I had a bud who was a massage therapist but he just couldn't let it be platonic.

 

[chicagosam]

Is it possible to have a normal non-sexual friendship between a gay and a straight guy?

I have done so many times. It depends on how secure you are within yourself and your sexuality. I've had many gay friends and have had very normal friendships with them. We can discuss anything and can be quite close. I have dealt with some really disgusting trolls in my day, but it has not changed my thinking toward having gay friends. They have been truly great people to know and I highly value my friendships with them.

Isn't there always the risk of the gay guy falling in love with his straight friend and changing their relationship?

Yes, this is possible, and can also be a manifestation of interest of varying levels on the part of both friends—"where there is smoke, there is fire." But it can often be more a problem of paranoia on the straight guy's part—perceiving any act of caring about him as a friend as more than it is. It also seems that there is a new trend of the so-called "straight" man using a gay friend to explore his sexuality, and leading the friend on for sex under the guise of a close friendhip. The minute the so-called "straight" man begins to acknowledge and fear his tendencies, and develops strong feelings for the friend, they bolt, citing the friend as the problem. I've seen a lot of guys hurt this way—the "straight" guy goes on denying, and the friend is disposed of to maintain that safe "straight' image, even though casual hook-ups continue with other men.

I am happy to say that in my experience, for the majority, both straight and gay men today can appreciate, respect, and care about each other without taking that closeness out of perspective and losing valuable friendships.

 

[lonly31]

hey guys . i have to say it can go both ways i am a bi more to guys . i had a bestfriend that was well not sure he was married and had three kids only 22 but i fell for him i treated him like a king give him nice gifts and money . he seen my dick one day when i was pissing . he said dam wish i had one that big . well i used my upperhead i told him it was from pills that if i could do oarl on him i would give him the pills but he wouldnt so i said a pic with his on hard so he did . it was maybe 5 and very thin . as this went on he stared to open more to me but never done gay things . he would rub my leg to make me hard to see it . then he would ask me to pull it out . i would almost cum from this but he moved and there went my first love . i was brocken hearted for a long time . so it can go both ways

 

[BarebackJack]

Is it possible to have a normal non-sexual friendship between a gay and a straight guy?

Yes it absolutely is.

I have never had a gay friend but wouldn't be aginst the idea. I was wondering how it would work from both viewpoints. What are the limits and problems.

If you have no limits there will be no problems. Heh heh.

Isn't there always the risk of the gay guy falling in love with his straight friend and changing their relationship?

Yes, and vice versa. And so fucking what? Relationships always change, and they go the direction they need to go. If it means two guys end up having a Brokeback Moment, so be it. There's no law that says anything that happens between two consenting adults has to be a forever thing...

Friendship just happens. And the same with love. But one doesn't necessarily have to follow the other. And you've heard of "friends with benefits"? Welcome to the wonderful potential that exists between str8 men and their gay friends! If your friends can't help you out in a time of need, who can?

All kidding aside, gay men and str8 men can certainly become good friends as long as both parties are willing to be open to the idea without fear and without always jumping to conclusions.

 

[dolf250]

It has been quite awhile since relating this story.

I used to be pretty homophobic. I was, however (fortunately) open minded enough to say that if I ever had a friend who I found out was gay I would continue being friends with him (pretty big of me, eh? ) Anyhow, one pretty good friend who I had thought may have been gay asked me one night for a ride back to the car he left downtown because he had been drinking. I agreed and asked where it was. His response was “Boys town” (a gay bar.) It became clear that I was right and he was gay. It was years ago, and to be honest it took quite a bit for me to live by my promise to myself to remain friends. We became closer and I cherished my friendship with him. His orientation very rarely was an issue, but his honesty with me made it easier for me to trust him and talk about things that I would not necessarily talk about with most of my other friends.

I know that this opinion will be very unpopular with many on the board, (and many who I have a very deep respect for) but part of what made it easy to be close friends with him was the fact that he did not ever talk about the details. He would say “it has been a long time since I have been laid” or “he's hot” but he did not talk about the details. I met a few of his friends and even a few of his boyfriends and I did become comfortable enough that him kissing men did not phase me (it was a long, slow transformation on my part.)

He moved to Toronto quite a few years ago and I feel a part of me went with him. I would like to think that my relationship with him helped me grow from somebody who was ( at first) a piss poor excuse for a friend just because he was gay into somebody who he would have been proud to call a friend. I never did get the chance to tell him how grateful I am that he saw something in me that made him believe it to be worth waiting for me to transform from the guy who was sticking out the friendship because I made a promise to myself into whoever/whatever I became.

 

[dolf250]

I have more straight frinends than gay ones. In fact, if anyone would like a gay platonic friend, let me know.

Will you move to Alberta so we can be closer?:wink:

 

[2215]

gays who I met were always friendly and cute to me , + intelligent and funny
most of girls are stupid and spoiled

yes str8 guys and gays could be friends. if limits wouldnt reach of course

 

[OmahaBeef]

It has been quite awhile since relating this story.

I used to be pretty homophobic. I was, however (fortunately) open minded enough to say that if I ever had a friend who I found out was gay I would continue being friends with him (pretty big of me, eh? ) Anyhow, one pretty good friend who I had thought may have been gay asked me one night for a ride back to the car he left downtown because he had been drinking. I agreed and asked where it was. His response was “Boys town” (a gay bar.) It became clear that I was right and he was gay. It was years ago, and to be honest it took quite a bit for me to live by my promise to myself to remain friends. We became closer and I cherished my friendship with him. His orientation very rarely was an issue, but his honesty with me made it easier for me to trust him and talk about things that I would not necessarily talk about with most of my other friends.

I know that this opinion will be very unpopular with many on the board, (and many who I have a very deep respect for) but part of what made it easy to be close friends with him was the fact that he did not ever talk about the details. He would say “it has been a long time since I have been laid” or “he's hot” but he did not talk about the details. I met a few of his friends and even a few of his boyfriends and I did become comfortable enough that him kissing men did not phase me (it was a long, slow transformation on my part.)

He moved to Toronto quite a few years ago and I feel a part of me went with him. I would like to think that my relationship with him helped me grow from somebody who was ( at first) a piss poor excuse for a friend just because he was gay into somebody who he would have been proud to call a friend. I never did get the chance to tell him how grateful I am that he saw something in me that made him believe it to be worth waiting for me to transform from the guy who was sticking out the friendship because I made a promise to myself into whoever/whatever I became.

That sounds JUST like me...

OmahaBeef

 

[dcwrestlefan]

It has been quite awhile since relating this story.

I used to be pretty homophobic. I was, however (fortunately) open minded enough to say that if I ever had a friend who I found out was gay I would continue being friends with him (pretty big of me, eh? ) Anyhow, one pretty good friend who I had thought may have been gay asked me one night for a ride back to the car he left downtown because he had been drinking. I agreed and asked where it was. His response was “Boys town” (a gay bar.) It became clear that I was right and he was gay. It was years ago, and to be honest it took quite a bit for me to live by my promise to myself to remain friends. We became closer and I cherished my friendship with him. His orientation very rarely was an issue, but his honesty with me made it easier for me to trust him and talk about things that I would not necessarily talk about with most of my other friends.

I know that this opinion will be very unpopular with many on the board, (and many who I have a very deep respect for) but part of what made it easy to be close friends with him was the fact that he did not ever talk about the details. He would say “it has been a long time since I have been laid” or “he's hot” but he did not talk about the details. I met a few of his friends and even a few of his boyfriends and I did become comfortable enough that him kissing men did not phase me (it was a long, slow transformation on my part.)

He moved to Toronto quite a few years ago and I feel a part of me went with him. I would like to think that my relationship with him helped me grow from somebody who was ( at first) a piss poor excuse for a friend just because he was gay into somebody who he would have been proud to call a friend. I never did get the chance to tell him how grateful I am that he saw something in me that made him believe it to be worth waiting for me to transform from the guy who was sticking out the friendship because I made a promise to myself into whoever/whatever I became.

what a sweet story. he misses you too i would imagine.

from the other side, seeing a straight friend transform means alot. it totally blows to be rejected by someone when you are a young gay person.

you did well.

 

[B_Spladle]

Can a straight man have a normal friendship with a woman?

Think about it that way and I think you'll have your answer.

Why did the thread not end with this post? I refuse to read anything that comes after it. This is the correct answer.

 

[D_Paul_Bunion]

This really is a question that gets asked far too often. Why do straight guys think that just because a guy is gay they instantly find all guys attractive? I'm gay and there's a whole helluva lot of guys I don't find attractive. Every one of the guys that I work with I have zero interest in. Hell, I have gay friends that I'm not interested in either. Even if I did find a straight guy attractive I wouldn't pursue it because - guess what - he's straight! He's not into it! So why beat your head against a wall on something that won't happen?

It seems straightforward to me that I would only pursue people who are interested in being pursued otherwise it's a waste of time and effort.

 

[Shelby]

Can a straight man have a normal friendship with a woman?

Hell, I think it's easier to have a normal friendship with a gay guy than with a woman.

My wife speaks in code. She says things from which I'm supposed to infer all kinds of hidden meanings. Generally I don't get 'em.

Conversely I'll make a simple statement and she'll conclude I meant something entirely different. To the point that sometimes I can't even see the relationship between what I said and what she heard at all. lol

I don't recall that being a problem with any of my gay buds.

 

[nystrongstroke2]

yes it is very possible i have alot of friends and a couple of em are gay.they knew i didnt go that way and never tried to cross the line

 

[HotBulge]

Whatever happened to finding out that a childhood friend is gay? Hasn't that ever happened to anyone around here? .... Growing up, you have a group of guy friends that you went to school with, and then 5 to 10 years after middle school or high school, you learn that your friend was gay? Does that change the nature of quality of your friendship? (NO) People - men - relate to each other on more than just a sexual level. The same can hold true for frendships forged in adulthood.

 

[pexman]

I believe it's very possible. I think of my best friend now and if I for a minute pretend that he's gay instead of happily married, he'd still be my best bud because what binds us together has nothing to do with his or my sexual preferences. I think it would be cool because I'd be able to grab the dude anytime and give him a big bear hug or something and not have him think i'm coming on to him. I'm a social person and I like male physical contact (playful roughhousing, wrestling, gutpunching, etc.) but some guys are turned off by anything more than just knockin' fists!

Ever wonder just how close male friendships can be? Just check out the beautiful story of David and Jonathan in the Old Testament. It's like Brokeback Mountain with strong male affection but w/o gay sex -- two heterosexual men instead. Read it all, how they kissed and wept when they realized they'd probably never see each other again; how they were both strong, brave, successful men of war; how David, in eulogizing Jonathan, said Jonathan's (heterosexual) love (NOT sex, but rather sacrificial, self-denying acts love) was better than that of the women in his life.

 

[dongalong]

I've been to Paris' biggest gay club - Queen - but accompanied by some hetero friends.

It was certainly an eye opener, I felt a bit uncomfortable at first but soon started enjoying myself, it was full of women too but they seemed to be unfriendlier there than other places. Of course the gay guys were VERY friendly, I chatted with one that worked in a model agency who was surrounded by girls, that is kind of gay friend that I'm talking about:biggrin1:

For those with gay or straight friends, when you go out together, do you mainly go to straight bars or gay ones? - for the latter, how comfortable do you feel in such a place (heteros)?

 

[emu]

i'm a guy, i went outside today.
everywhere i went, there were other guys
does that make me gay?

E