Is an OPEN RELATIONSHIP a new standard for gays?

freeballininnyc

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So relationships are all about sacrifice, deprivation and denial? Sounds healthy.

Yeah, cause that's exactly what I said.

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Good for you!!!

That's your opinion and perspective. What may not work for you, may work for others. Stop confusing fact with opinion.

I'm not. I'm well aware that what I've said is my opinion - otherwise we couldn't disagree about it. Facts are facts and can't be argued.
 

VernalTiger

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Quote:
So relationships are all about sacrifice, deprivation and denial? Sounds healthy.

Yeah, cause that's exactly what I said.

Quote:
Good for you!!!

That's your opinion and perspective. What may not work for you, may work for others. Stop confusing fact with opinion.

I'm not. I'm well aware that what I've said is my opinion - otherwise we couldn't disagree about it. Facts are facts and can't be argued.

http://www.lpsg.org/177288-how-to-multi-quote-a.html
 

Teb8807

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I'm another guy who isn't into one night stands and open relationships. I find it very hard to be with somebody that I love and they're sleeping with other people, even if it's just sex. And with that, I'm also terrified of getting HIV. To me, people who sleep around and have sex with strangers has always been a little disgusting to me. Maybe I'm a 24 year stuck in the fifties when it comes to my views of relationships and sex, but I would rather be safe than sorry.

I almost dated a guy who had 50 partners prior to me and hasn't been tested. I was disgusted when I found out. I'm learning this is common in my age with gay males and I'm sorry, but I'm disappointed. I feel that we've lost our morals, self respect for ourselves and others, and there is no longer a such thing as a honest relationship.
 

avg_joe

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It`s becoming really hard to find a guy who is looking for a monogamous relationship. Even my friends who are in LTR relationships in time have started being open.
Maybe it`s just an illusion, but that`s how I see it.

Yes, I think open relationship is the way to go. I met several guys in the past and never had a relationship with any of them. Kind of like friend with benefits. :tongue::tongue::tongue:
 

BBCP

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I don't have the capacity to trust enough to be in a monogamous relationship anymore. Of the relationships I've been in that lasted 6 months or more, EVERY ONE that was monogamous my partner cheated. Because of that, jealousy was rampant and trust was nonexistent. They were hell. My one relationship that was open was the exact opposite. We had rules and we stuck to them. It was actually nice to hear my boyfriend ask me if I minded if he hooked up with some guy that night, or me telling him I was stopping by to have some fun with someone on the way home from work. It was HONEST. I knew he'd be back home that night, and he knew I'd be coming home to him after I had my fun, and we'd probably have even more fun then! The communication and the trust we had was something that never, ever existed in any of my monogamous relationships.

I make sure that, if I'm dating someone, they know up front monogamy isn't going to be an option for a long, long time.
 

Infernal

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My one relationship that was open was the exact opposite. We had rules and we stuck to them. It was actually nice to hear my boyfriend ask me if I minded if he hooked up with some guy that night, or me telling him I was stopping by to have some fun with someone on the way home from work. It was HONEST.

That's exactly how it works for us. It isn't perfect, but open, honest communication helps, and the more we do it, the easier it becomes.
 

navywill83

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I am not in a relationship with a guy right now but many of my gay friends are and many have chosen open relationships. From their experiences, I would not have an open relationship.

The relationship that stands out for me is a couple that was monogamous for about 7 years and then decided to be open and just not tell each other what they were each doing. They were going great still for another year. Then one of the guys fell for a guy he was fooling around with. He supposedly fell in love with the guy. It was a big mess. And after a nearly 9 year relationship everything ended for the couple. They shared insurance and everything and were even planning soon to marry in NY. So, for me an open relationship is just inviting too much risk.
 

shymeee

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It`s becoming really hard to find a guy who is looking for a monogamous relationship. Even my friends who are in LTR relationships in time have started being open.
Maybe it`s just an illusion, but that`s how I see it.
It`s becoming really hard to find a guy who is looking for a monogamous relationship. Even my friends who are in LTR relationships in time have started being open.
Maybe it`s just an illusion, but that`s how I see it.

Well I discreetly came out in the 70's. Back then the idea of monogamy--even the word --was being said, But the truth was that cheating, heartbreak, tears and bitter endings were all too common. In spite of it all, my strong desires to have the picket fence and "one" and only man in my life, kept me on a desperate search for that needle in the haystack. In the meantime, (gotta be honest) the strong influence of my penis-wants tended to distort my sense of right and wrong, including my ability to distinguish between mutual true love and lust. And so....within 10 years I had at least 3 failed relationships under my belt, several spur of the moment (regrettable) sexual encounters ...usually in someone's car or basement apartment, and my brain was spinning out of control. Now in my 50's, I'm unhappy to report that Love was never a part of my relationships; and monogamous men probably exist but they are too few and too far apart to even exist in my realm. Things have definitely changed in that it seems as though the open-relationship is the preferred route. :( Sadly, I've also had to accept the cold facts of human male-ness, and so...I am looking more for good friends (men definitely can make the loyalist of friends), and will take the rest as it comes. Maybe you will find what I could not. Be well.
 

NCbear

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My husband and I are in an open relationship, but we don't do more than handjobs with other men because of the recent strong uptick in STDs in the United States. We do point out, to each other, other men who look good. Sometimes we have exactly identical taste, but other times we are very different.

As BBCP said upthread, we know we're coming home to each other, and that's what matters. It's also nice to be honest with each other instead of having to pretend we don't notice someone who's really muscular, or hairy, or hung, or has amazing eyes, or whatever. And because my husband is bi, he also points out women who are exceptionally attractive.

I don't mind, and neither does he. We've talked about how we feel about each other as well as the fact that we both have working eyes. So I guess--also as BBCP said upthread--the key is communication, as well as what others in this thread have seemed to be implying: the need to be on the same page in your relationship.

NCbear (who feels lucky to be in the kind of relationship where honesty and communication prevail, which is most definitely what I prefer after having been in other relationships in which those principles weren't the watchword)
 

aqua-illusion

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For me I would want to be in a monogamous relationship, what's mine is mine :) I would be devastated to know my partner is engaging in sexual acts with other people while being with me. I am "old fashioned" in that sense that If we are in a relationship it is exclusive, not inclusive. His penis and hole belong to me for as long as we are together LOL.

My friend, who is gay, hooks up with many men, some are in relationships, when he tells me of them sometimes I am secretly judging him...I tell myself if he was the one sleeping with my partner I would never talk to him again. But he doesn't care that he's the "side dude" or "booty call". I do care however. I am his opposite.

He sleeps with married men, gay and straight, and hes okay with it. I am NOT.

If my partner wanted it to be open, or HE wants to sleep with others but I do not...the relationship wouldn't work, it would just end.

BUT thats what scares me, makes me feel like I might be alone forever, I can't get over the fact that where I live, there are many men that want open relationships, or they will just sleep around, who cares, a dick is a dick, a hole is a hole.

EDIT: At one point my friend was "seeing" 5 different guys, 3 married (two "straight", one gay) I can't handle that...
 

trackjock13

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If I am in a relationship, and both of us want to share a boy now and then, and all are cool with that who cares? Actually I'd prefer to have an older "daddy" type to marry, and a "houseboy" for both of us to fuck. Could be a nice arrangement for the boy as long as he was sexually attracted to an older buy like I am, and also thought it was hot to be fucked by a "big brother" like me. Who knows, certainly depends on the chemistry between all. Guess it can be hard for two people to mesh, so maybe 3 is unrealistic. I'd give it a try for sure though. team mates goofing off.png