Is Being Too Intelligent a Drawback to Finding a Mate?

[earllogjam]

Is being too smart a liablity for you finding a mate?

Seems like the smarter you are, the smaller the number of people who won't bore you with their stupidity which greatly reduces prospects for any fulfilling relationship.

Is being too smart or educated reduce your chances of having a happy long term relationship because there is less chance of you finding an equal?

Some extremely smart people I know are lonely souls or have short lived relationships and I always wondered why. They are nice people, attractive, and social; why are they alone?

Perhaps the smart people here would like to comment...

 

[Male Bonding etc]

Oh, my! One jumps in on this one and immediately runs the risk of being labeled an intellect snob or some such... or worse, too stupid to qualify...

But, hey, I'll jump in. I'm considered fairly intelligent and fairly well educated, and yes, it limits who I find interesting and eligible. However, when I do find those "fellow intellects" the results can be quite satisfying.

 

[rob_just_rob]

so many wiseass responses, so little time... :wink:

 

[B_ScaredLittleBoy]

Is being too smart or educated reduce your chances of having a happy long term relationship because there is less chance of you finding an equal?

(sp)

Perhaps looks, and social ability come into play. And there is nothing stopping dumb people from getting with 'intelligent' people ...its not illegal.

 

[rckhrdstd]

I will bite at this one. I have been called very intelligent, and I am also well educated. I have had this problem in that, I seem snobish and pompus to most people due to the fact that I speak the way I write - in a non-converstional form of English. I try not to use and conjunctions either in writing or speech, and I use an advanced vocabluary and speak in a manner that protrays my intellect.

I have been in a relationship with someone as intellignet and educated as I am, and found it to be very satisfying - for a while. I have also been in realtionships with morons...and this is also satisfying, and strangely amusing - for a while.

So to answer the question - yes, I think that being well educated and possesing above average intellegence does hinder the finding of a healthy, well formed relationship.

 

[psidom]

i am not smart but i think alot.

from my view...the SOUL is what links the mind=logic to the body=passion.

keeping the logic(intellect) and the passion(true love) connected with
someone who you may deem inept takes patience and assistance rather than just losing/dumping them.
love takes effort.

i think alot of "smart" people are impatient with those
that need assistance...and are even worse condescending about it.
ego based assistance over genuine making it SOUL-less
watch bjork "earth intruders" on youtube
i think she says it best.

 

[dong20]

I'm not convinced relationship problems/failure and intelligence are necessarily related. I suppose it really depends on what's more important in any relationship. Viewed objectively that usually means love, honesty, trust and biological compatability - on that basis I'm not sure where intelligence comes into it. For others it's a far more cerebral thing, here I can see how things could unravel.

Relationships fail for a multitude of reasons, if the essentials are there, then the relative intellgence of one partner compared to the other seems more like a convenient excuse for failure rather than a cause in itself. Naturally it depends what one is looking for, and that is of course entirely personal.

 

[psidom]

For others it's a far more cerebral thing, here I can see how things could unravel....well put dong.

 

[Male Bonding etc]

There does also seem to be something of an anti-intellectual bias in the United States. How sad that bright kids often feel they have to conceal their intelligence or otherwise somehow run under the radar.

Some of us do seem to possess the social skills and are observant enough to thrive without too much negative attention. It doesn't hurt that our parents sometimes stick us in private schools or make sure we have extra-curricular activities to keep our minds stimulated and our social circle more accommodating for our "differences."

But, back to the question of finding a mate...

I didn't fall in love until I was well past the age when people usually marry. When I did fall in love, I knew I wanted to marry the woman. We did marry, and everything felt right, worth the wait, happy... and all the more sad, devastating really, when she died. I know that kind of love is possible now, and I won't be settling for less.

 

[wldhoney]

I have a higher IQ and graduated from high school early, blah, blah, blah. I have found that, sexually, I tend to gravitate towards those who I can converse with on a certain level. In another thread I stated that, while I could and have dated an "ugly" (I don't really believe there is any such thing) man, I could not date a stupid one. (There is such a thing.)

I am never unkind and I don't consider myself better than anyone, but it is hard to have conversations with someone you cannot relate to, and I need the intellectual connection to be sexually attracted.

Studies done over several decades found that women with a higher intellect tend to be single longer. It showed that men preferred women below them in the smarts department, whereas women tended to seek out their equal and were especially choosy.

Personally, I see some wisdom in everyone. We are all products of our environment as well as the abilities we are born with, and what is witty or intelligent to me may not be to the next guy. It's all relative.

 

[wldhoney]

There does also seem to be something of an anti-intellectual bias in the United States. How sad that bright kids often feel they have to conceal their intelligence or otherwise somehow run under the radar. quote]

Male Bonding, you are right on target here. I cannot tell you how often I have had to "dumb" myself down with men or women. People become wary and almost hostile if you are educated or knowledgable. You can be the nicest person in the world, but the minute it becomes clear you are intelligent you will see the hackles rise.

We make fun of "idiots", but then shame the "smart". It's like labeling a really beautiful girl as a slut. It makes us feel better or something.

 

[B_josiah852]

Well since I am intelligent challenged I don't have this problem. I have to use other excuses as to why I don't have a date every week. I would think that as long as someone doesn't act like a dork they wouldn't have a problem with dates or relationships. The only turn offs I find with intelligent people are with the intelligent people who act as though their intelligence puts them on a level above everyone else.

 

[Not_Punny]

Uh, like, could somebody tell me what's this thread is about? (Just kidding)

It's a very good question, and I think there could be answers, several of which have already been articulated by others in this thread.

The mating pool, obviously, is larger for people with average education and less inclination to think.

But it's not like intelligent people are a minority...

If there's intelligent life out there (in the universe) why else would so many UFOs be coming to earth?? (To seek their uber-intelligent soulmates):wink:

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Firstly, being well educated and being smart aren't the same thing, I've known a few people who received a superb education and whilst they ended up knowing practically the entire sum of the world's knowledge they couldn't hold a conversation to save their lives. I'm considered to be intelligent by everyone I know but what they say about me is that it's apparent that I'm intelligent by my quickness. I don't find anything appealing about someone who has to think for ten minutes to come up with something witty to say, for me it's lightning off the cuff repartee that indicates brightness, an ability to quickly grasp a concept unfamiliar to themselves, a facility for understanding how it feels to be in a situation they haven't been in. Animals are capable of learning, we're separated from them by our use of language so to me communication is the truest proof of intelligence.
Does being intelligent hinder you forming a relationship? Not necessarily, there isn't any relationship in which all things are equal, mismatched sex drives, iq's that are vastly different, the beauty with the beast. We all look for different things out of a relationship and being intelligent doesn't mean that you need someone who's constantly challenging and stimulating. If we waste our time looking for someone with the exact same degree of smartness to me that indicates someone who isn't that smart to start off with. I'd never consider seeing a man who's dumb as a post, neither would I consider seeing one who resembled Quasimodo's less favoured brother.
We don't need an equal, we just need someone who suits us.

 

[wldhoney]

Well since I am intelligent challenged I don't have this problem. I have to use other excuses as to why I don't have a date every week. I would think that as long as someone doesn't act like a dork they wouldn't have a problem with dates or relationships. The only turn offs I find with intelligent people are with the intelligent people who act as though their intelligence puts them on a level above everyone else.

Personally I have never had trouble getting dates. Of course, I was married for 6 years before my husband passed away and then in a long term relationship. In between there were never any difficulties, but you do run into those who are hostile. It's one thing when you first meet a guy and everything is in the attraction and the flirting and feeling each other out. (Mentally, not just physically. :biggrin1: ) But at some point, usually when you decide to pursue the relationship, you start to move to the next level and relate on more than the physical.

So, my question to you, josiah852, is.....when do you know if the fault is with the "intelligent" person in that they are putting themselves above the other, or with the "lesser intelligent" person, who becomes resentful towards the other person because they realize they are on a different level? Whose fault is it? Is it the person who can't dumb themselves down, or the person who can't smart themselves up?

In other words, unless the smarter person says "I think you are an idiot", how do you decide they have put themselves above you?

 

[Principessa]

Is being too smart a liablity for you finding a mate? I wouldn't say I was too smart, but I am of above average inteeligence. To answer your question, yes, it would appear so. :frown1:

Seems like the smarter you are, the smaller the number of people who won't bore you with their stupidity which greatly reduces prospects for any fulfilling relationship. It's not that allegedly less intelligent men bore me with their stupidity, it's the corresponding stuff which often goes with that which soon wears thin. These men are often from a lower socio-economic level, they don't work in my field, or any of my fields of interest. We simply have nothing to talk about.

Does being too smart or educated reduce your chances of having a happy long term relationship because there is less chance of you finding an equal? Unfortunately for me this seems to be true.

Some extremely smart people I know are lonely souls or have short lived relationships and I always wondered why. Have you been talking to my mother? They are nice people, attractive, and social; why are they alone? I think it must be easier for smart men to get by in a relationship than for women to do so with a person of alleged lesser intelligence.

Perhaps the smart people here would like to comment...

Perhaps looks, and social ability come into play. And there is nothing stopping dumb people from getting with 'intelligent' people ...its not illegal.

That's cause they are too dumb to know better. :tongue: I can't tell you how many times I have been hit on by ignorant men, with lame lines, who were so dumb they didnt't even realize I was lightyears out of their league. :tongue:

I have been in a relationship with someone as intellignet and educated as I am, and found it to be very satisfying - for a while. I have also been in realtionships with morons...and this is also satisfying, and strangely amusing - for a while. When I was in colllege I liked my men, big pretty, and dumb. I got over this by the 2nd semester of my freshman year.:tongue:

So to answer the question - yes, I think that being well educated and possesing above average intellegence does hinder the finding of a healthy, well formed relationship.

I concur.

 

[earllogjam]

I'm not convinced relationship problems/failure and intelligence are necessarily related. I suppose it really depends on what's more important in any relationship. Viewed objectively that usually means love, honesty, trust and biological compatability - on that basis I'm not sure where intelligence comes into it. For others it's a far more cerebral thing, here I can see how things could unravel.

Relationships fail for a multitude of reasons, if the essentials are there, then the relative intellgence of one partner compared to the other seems more like a convenient excuse for failure rather than a cause in itself. Naturally it depends what one is looking for, and that is of course entirely personal.

Can you put this in layman's terms, Dong? :smile:

 

[Male Bonding etc]

I'm considered to be intelligent by everyone I know but what they say about me is that it's apparent that I'm intelligent by my quickness.
...
We don't need an equal, we just need someone who suits us.

This points up something else about intelligence: it's not just one measure. Recent thinking on the subject has pointed to "multiple intelligences."
[Theory of multiple intelligences - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ]
While some use this to accommodate everyone in a politically correct sort of "everyone has some special form of intelligence" kind of inclusiveness, I think it helps us appreciate the endless variety of abilities, just as we might appreciate the endless variety of physical characteristics.

[Let me just add that I think spiritual intelligence and sexual intelligence should be added to the list.]

 

[B_big dirigible]

I'd say so.

 

[Principessa]

IMHO the larger dividing factor, the one that breaks up relationships isn't intelligence or lack there of, it's class.

My friends husband insists that in order for a relationship or marriage to be successful and last it is imperative that you be within +- 5 years of each other. I maintain that a similar socio-economic background is imperative. You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear I don't care how old he is. :tongue: