Is Being Too Intelligent a Drawback to Finding a Mate?

Dave NoCal

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One of the things I like and enjoy most about my partner is that he is smart. However, our level of academic education is different. He went into the Air Force right out of high school and I stayed out of Viet Nam by going to college immediately and making sure to stay in. That path led me to a doctorate (which is more of a testament to perserverence than brilliance). Because of advantages I have had, I have been able to help him believe in himself and attend school full time. He is on track to get a Master's degree. His growth and development is another aspect of our relationship that I have enjoyed very much.
To me, congruent intelligence is important to compatibility and mental stimulation and is pretty much a deal breaker. But many other qualities are equally important.
Dave
 

va_lk_yr_ie

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I have a higher IQ and graduated from high school early, blah, blah, blah. I have found that, sexually, I tend to gravitate towards those who I can converse with on a certain level. In another thread I stated that, while I could and have dated an "ugly" (I don't really believe there is any such thing) man, I could not date a stupid one. (There is such a thing.)

I am never unkind and I don't consider myself better than anyone, but it is hard to have conversations with someone you cannot relate to, and I need the intellectual connection to be sexually attracted.

Studies done over several decades found that women with a higher intellect tend to be single longer. It showed that men preferred women below them in the smarts department, whereas women tended to seek out their equal and were especially choosy.

Personally, I see some wisdom in everyone. We are all products of our environment as well as the abilities we are born with, and what is witty or intelligent to me may not be to the next guy. It's all relative.

Agreed on every word written from a woman that herself is past entry criteria into Mensa (for whatever that is worth as a display of at least one part of intelligence).
 

psidom

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earljam-

dong was saying some couple can stay together fine with love and romance alone.

However...those of us that need that "cerebral" connection
will be less satisfied with those that lack it.
everybody has what they LOVE.
at least that is how i took it.
 

whatireallywant

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I used to have a difficult time with this, but I don't think it's so much of a factor anymore. Part of it is that where I grew up, there were very few highly intelligent people (if there were some, they'd LEAVE the area! And for good reason, too!) And of course, with the sexism of that area as well, they especially didn't like highly intelligent girls (but then, highly intelligent boys also usually didn't date, so it wasn't just that, I don't think.)

I used to be in Mensa, and I actually got sick and tired of the people there boasting about their intelligence all the time, and they actually didn't think I was intelligent enough to qualify (although obviously I was - I did pass their test). So I really would rather not date another Mensa type unless he really didn't boast like that.

The people I know now are mostly intelligent and well educated, professionally employed people, but they have so much more to talk about than just "Look at how high my IQ is!", so I find this much more to my liking.

Oh, and in response to njqt's post about socioeconomic status, what if the class you grew up in and the class you relate most to are completely different? I grew up blue-collar, working-class (factory worker/farm worker family), yet what I relate to most are middle-class professionals. That is not to say that I'd never date a working-class guy, but I would be more likely to date a middle-class guy. I would probably have a lot more in common with the middle-class guy. As for me, when I am working in my field of study, I am middle-class, but I go through long periods of unemployment and so go back and forth between middle-class and poor.
 

Principessa

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This points up something else about intelligence: it's not just one measure. Recent thinking on the subject has pointed to "multiple intelligences." [Theory of multiple intelligences - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] While some use this to accommodate everyone in a politically correct sort of "everyone has some special form of intelligence" kind of inclusiveness, No, I think you are thinking of Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence which is oft used by people who aren't quite MENSA material to say that they are also smart. I think it helps us appreciate the endless variety of abilities, just as we might appreciate the endless variety of physical characteristics.

[Let me just add that I think spiritual intelligence and sexual intelligence should be added to the list.]

I love Howard Gardner and his Theory on Multiple Intelligence! My first masters degree was based on his work. I have a signed copy of his follow up book Frames of Mind.

Please don't confuse Multiple Intelligences with Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence; which though equally valid is completely different.

Just about everybody on the planet will fit at least one of the Multiple Intelligences. Whereas there are a frightening number of not only educated but true genius type people who have no Emotional Intelligence whatsoever. Many doctors, dentists, engineers, mathemeticians and especially research scientists have almost no Emotional Intelligence. This is a bad thing. Lack of Emotional Intelligence is often the thing that keeps otherwise qualified people from climbing the ladder of success professionally.
 

JMeister

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Perhaps the too intelligent people as defined by the score on an IQ tets are
actually pretty dumb when it comes to relationships and interactions with other people.


Perhaps that is why it takes them longer to find a mate.
 

Male Bonding etc

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Please don't confuse Multiple Intelligences with Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence; which though equally valid is completely different.
I wasn't. In fact I hadn't heard of Goleman's EI until just now, but your points about it make a certain amount of sense. Thanks, I'll have to check it out.
 

whatireallywant

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I love Howard Gardner and his Theory on Multiple Intelligence! My first masters degree was based on his work. I have a signed copy of his follow up book Frames of Mind.

Please don't confuse Multiple Intelligences with Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence; which though equally valid is completely different.

Just about everybody on the planet will fit at least one of the Multiple Intelligences. Whereas there are a frightening number of not only educated but true genius type people who have no Emotional Intelligence whatsoever. Many doctors, dentists, engineers, mathemeticians and especially research scientists have almost no Emotional Intelligence. This is a bad thing. Lack of Emotional Intelligence is often the thing that keeps otherwise qualified people from climbing the ladder of success professionally.

I see myself in this... Very high IQ, very LOW "emotional intelligence"...

And yes, it's probably part of what is hurting me in my career. But then, my skill level in my field is lower than the current job openings demand, too.

As for the Multiple Intelligences, I'm not sure which is highest, but I know that Interpersonal is my lowest! (below average at that) My highest is probably either literary/verbal or logical/mathematical. Those are probably my two highest ones. They're probably pretty close to the same level, too.

Hmmm.... I always wanted to be a research scientist...
 

Principessa

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I'm way too dumb to even try an answer to this...
:mad: Don't get me started Viking1, I'm still a bit peeved that you didn't let me know you had finally posted cock pics. FYI: He may not be Quercusone, but he damn sure ain't small either. :05:

Viking1, you are one of the rare LPSG members who posts intelligently here. Your posts are always well thought out and coherent which is more than I can say for most. I regretfully admit that I have been known to post incoherent, emotional rants from time to time so I admire your ability to stay on an even keel.
 

Male Bonding etc

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Perhaps the too intelligent people as defined by the score on an IQ tets are
actually pretty dumb when it comes to relationships and interactions with other people.

Perhaps that is why it takes them longer to find a mate.
I'd say that's possible, but as you have stated it here, this is a far oversimplified generalization.

Some highly intelligent people, often engineers and people in very specialized areas (as pointed out by NJ), lack finesse or perception emotionally or socially. Their obvious intelligence and equally obvious lack of compassion or sociability makes them poster kids for "intelligence equals relationships that suck."

And I want WldHoney to tell me it's okay for me to PM her.
 

highlander4life

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I have a higher IQ and graduated from high school early, blah, blah, blah. I have found that, sexually, I tend to gravitate towards those who I can converse with on a certain level. In another thread I stated that, while I could and have dated an "ugly" (I don't really believe there is any such thing) man, I could not date a stupid one. (There is such a thing.)

I am never unkind and I don't consider myself better than anyone, but it is hard to have conversations with someone you cannot relate to, and I need the intellectual connection to be sexually attracted.

Studies done over several decades found that women with a higher intellect tend to be single longer. It showed that men preferred women below them in the smarts department, whereas women tended to seek out their equal and were especially choosy.

Personally, I see some wisdom in everyone. We are all products of our environment as well as the abilities we are born with, and what is witty or intelligent to me may not be to the next guy. It's all relative.

Ha...not me...the smarter the girl the better. When can we meet? :)
 

ganja4me

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Every girl I have been with for some reason was less intelligent than I was. I have tried to get with a couple girls who seemed really smart but they didn't seem interested. Maybe I wasn't smart enough for them. Anyway I find a girl that is as smart as me or even smarter a real turn on. Hopefully I will be able to be with one some day. For now all the girls that have been interested in me are very nice for the most part but a lot of times I might say something that goes way over their head. It makes conversation just not as enjoyable.
 

SpoiledPrincess

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Sadly I think that some of the people who consider themselves smart are just a victim of modern society which dictates our teachers are no longer able to tell the stupid kid he is stupid.
 

Male Bonding etc

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Sadly I think that some of the people who consider themselves smart are just a victim of modern society which dictates our teachers are no longer able to tell the stupid kid he is stupid.
Are you being serious here? What is the benefit in that? Tell the child he or she has areas to work on or areas that present difficulties, but "you are stupid" is a valid way to engage, encourage, enlighten someone? Please tell me you were simply being flippant!
 

SpoiledPrincess

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In part I was but it was also a serious point, of course teachers shouldn't be able to tell a kid he's stupid but we all seem to fall into the trap now of praising someone just because we're not able to be truthful about what their true capabilities are.
 

txnrude

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I read an article about that SP, apparently everyone has been growing up being told they are a special and unique little flower, which has only caused a slew of annoying narcisistic people running around. Teachers should be like Simon from American Idol.