Is Being Too Intelligent a Drawback to Finding a Mate?

SpoiledPrincess

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I've read a few articles about similar things txn, we tell a perfectly ordinary kid he or she is special and they grow up with false expectations, then when the rest of the world doesn't perceive them as special they spend the rest of their lives feeling bad about it. Much better to be realistic about what you are.
 

Male Bonding etc

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In part I was but it was also a serious point, of course teachers shouldn't be able to tell a kid he's stupid but we all seem to fall into the trap now of praising someone just because we're not able to be truthful about what their true capabilities are.

I read an article about that SP, apparently everyone has been growing up being told they are a special and unique little flower, which has only caused a slew of annoying narcisistic people running around. Teachers should be like Simon from American Idol.
Thanks for the clarification, Princess. You've confirmed what I'd hoped your intent was. Rude, on the other hand, seems too smugly serious in his approval of Simon's approach.

So, yes, we should more honestly apprise children of their capabilities. In so doing, we do not need to tell them they are stupid or that they can never learn to do something. Instead we can tell them they have to work on certain skills or even that they will perhaps always have more difficulties with some endeavors than someone else might. To intentionally crush any hope of improvement or to consign them to the refuse heap because they cannot yet do something is not only unnecessarily harsh for that individual, but it also inhibits potential progress for the larger community.
 

SpoiledPrincess

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Yes hotmilf I'm a parent, I was a very good one too, I didn't tell my kids they were geniuses if at the age of ten they bought me a painting of me and their dad that looked like two blobs of poo :)
 

whatireallywant

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Thanks for the clarification, Princess. You've confirmed what I'd hoped your intent was. Rude on the other hand, seems too smugly serious in his approval of Simon's approach.

So, yes, we should more honestly apprise children of their capabilities. In so doing, we do not need to tell them they are stupid or that they can never learn to do something. Instead we can tell them they have to work on certain skills or even that they will perhaps always have more difficulties with some endeavors than someone else might. To intentionally crush any hope of improvement or to consign them to the refuse heap because they cannot yet do something is not only unnecessarily harsh for that individual, but it also inhibits potential progress for the larger community.

Very true... but I was actually treated rudely as a child. I had the high intelligence level, and yeah, I didn't have good social skills, but they even said my intelligence level wasn't that good!

I saw reports of me from my teachers, but saw them years later (as an adult) - they were really harsh on me! They also took issue with the fact that I was a girl with traditionally male interests, and were trying to get me to conform to what they thought a girl was "supposed" to be like. I think I'm actually "balanced" rather than anything else now. I look like a woman. I act like me...

My social skills are improving now, but it's been a long road. Also I think it depends on the kind of people you're around! If I went back to where I grew up, I would probably still have no social skills for that area whatsoever. But where I am now, I am still very shy, but am managing.
 

txnrude

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I was going over the top on purpose to bring some humor into a rising concern about a younger generation of people with a strong sense of self entitlement in America. And I really do see it as a valid concern. I consider myself narcisistic, as much as I try not to be. I think you are right, that people need to be encouraged and demonstrate what can be accomplished through hard work and effort. I laugh when I see simon tear someone apart only because everytime afterwards the person looks and acts as if they had absolutely no clue that they were horrible and exhibited zero talent.
Thanks for the clarification, Princess. You've confirmed what I'd hoped your intent was. Rude, on the other hand, seems too smugly serious in his approval of Simon's approach.

So, yes, we should more honestly apprise children of their capabilities. In so doing, we do not need to tell them they are stupid or that they can never learn to do something. Instead we can tell them they have to work on certain skills or even that they will perhaps always have more difficulties with some endeavors than someone else might. To intentionally crush any hope of improvement or to consign them to the refuse heap because they cannot yet do something is not only unnecessarily harsh for that individual, but it also inhibits potential progress for the larger community.
 

viking1

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:mad: Don't get me started Viking1, I'm still a bit peeved that you didn't let me know you had finally posted cock pics. FYI: He may not be Quercusone, but he damn sure ain't small either. :05:

Viking1, you are one of the rare LPSG members who posts intelligently here. Your posts are always well thought out and coherent which is more than I can say for most. I regretfully admit that I have been known to post incoherent, emotional rants from time to time so I admire your ability to stay on an even keel.

Well, let's put it this way, I'm pretty dumb on this subject. I can't even begin to understand the science of attraction between people. Love is not logical, and can't be explained scientifically.

I've never been in love, so I haven't had ANY experience to go by.
However I am physically/sexually attracted to most of the women I see.

I do believe the old saying "love is blind" to be true. There is a big difference between love, and physical/sexual attraction. Who you would want to take home for a one night stand is usually very different from who you would have a long term relationship with. Love makes no sense at all.
One night stand psychology makes only a bit of sense. Physical attraction makes a bit more sense. None of it makes much sense.

Back to the original topic. If someone is really dumb, it would be a turn off for a lot of potential partners. I don't see a problem with smart or well educated. As long as they aren't domineering, aloof, or self centered.
That's just my opinion. I used to work at an educational facility, So many of the educated people looked down their noses at the uneducated staff.
Not all of them, but way too many. There's no way to approach people with that attitude.
 

viking1

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They also took issue with the fact that I was a girl with traditionally male interests, and were trying to get me to conform to what they thought a girl was "supposed" to be like. I think I'm actually "balanced" rather than anything else now. I look like a woman. I act like me...

My social skills are improving now, but it's been a long road. Also I think it depends on the kind of people you're around! If I went back to where I grew up, I would probably still have no social skills for that area whatsoever. But where I am now, I am still very shy, but am managing.

Trying to make people comform to someone else's idea of how we are supposed to be is one of the big problems for many people. We are told to be ourselves, but if we aren't who or what people think is normal we are pushed to be someone or something else. That's not fair. I think this is part of my psychological problems right now. I was guided to be something other than what I wanted to be. I finally gave up, and that's worse yet.

I know what you mean about social skills for a certain area. I so wish I could move far away from my current area, and start over. Things may have a chance to be different in a way that won't ever happen here.
 

Principessa

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In part I was but it was also a serious point, of course teachers shouldn't be able to tell a kid he's stupid but we all seem to fall into the trap now of praising someone just because we're not able to be truthful about what their true capabilities are.
Yup we have bred 2- 3 generations or self-centered average people who think and behave as if they are a combo of Louis Pasteur, Albert Einsten, and Mikhail Baryshnikov all rolled into one.

Thanks for the clarification, Princess. You've confirmed what I'd hoped your intent was. Rude on the other hand, seems too smugly serious in his approval of Simon's approach.

So, yes, we should more honestly apprise children of their capabilities. In so doing, we do not need to tell them they are stupid or that they can never learn to do something. Instead we can tell them they have to work on certain skills or even that they will perhaps always have more difficulties with some endeavors than someone else might. To intentionally crush any hope of improvement or to consign them to the refuse heap because they cannot yet do something is not only unnecessarily harsh for that individual, but it also inhibits potential progress for the larger community.

As the daughter of an educator and an educator myself I have to say I agree with SP. The United States started down a slippery slope in the mid-1970's. Prior to that point if you were not college material, you did not go to college. Teachers often knew the path a student should take by the time the student was in the 8th grade. You went to a vo-tech school, or learned a trade after high school. You became a productive member of society.

As a result of everyone being college material, our vo-tech classes and vo-tech high schools became a dumping ground for students with behavioral problems, substance abuse problems, etc.

Within the last 10 years in small pockets all over the USA this is changing. There are stringent standards for entry into vo-tech programs and we are finally regaining a workforce of skilled artisans. Finally we may have plumbers, electricians, construction workers, stone masons, and auto mechanics that look and act like skilled professionals; rather than rejects for the road crew for White Snake.

Sorry, but you hit a major nerve. That was one of my emotional rants/tangents. :redface:

The thing is life is not the Special Olympics, not everyone gets a blue ribbon or a gold medal just for showing up.
 

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I was going over the top on purpose to bring some humor into a rising concern about a younger generation of people with a strong sense of self entitlement in America. And I really do see it as a valid concern. I consider myself narcisistic, as much as I try not to be. I think you are right, that people need to be encouraged and demonstrate what can be accomplished through hard work and effort.

Thanks, I retract my condemnation.

I laugh when I see simon tear someone apart only because everytime afterwards the person looks and acts as if they had absolutely no clue that they were horrible and exhibited zero talent.
I rarely watch the show. When I do, I feel chagrin that some of the acts have been allowed to get so far. It seems that they are offered up just so that Simon can then tear them apart. You may feel that we as a society benefit from his tough-love approach to guidance, but I see no love in his approach. It appears simply a statement of "I have taste, and you suck." So, acts that suck don't need to be encouraged to continue as they are, but I think it brutalizes our sensibilities when we are exposed to such a callous approach to redirection. It is yet another version of the Roman Coliseum and thumbs up, thumbs down.
 

SpoiledPrincess

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That was an excellent post nj, thank you

Malebonding, some of those people on x factor and pop idol type programs have some of the worst voices I've ever heard, somewhere along the line a well meaning parent has praised their caterwauling, how much better they'd have done to gently turn their attentions to a field where they stood a chance of shining.
 

DC_DEEP

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I don't necessarily think being too intelligent is a drawback in finding a mate. I do think it can be a hindrance if your "mate criteria" are not realistic.

I used to put too much emphasis on things that, now, I realize were not at all important. Above average intelligence is non-negotiable for me. But I had to put aside all the things I thought were my "physical criteria" before I found someone with whom I was well-matched. Funny thing is, when I put less emphasis on the "external" factors, I found the one person who actually did fit all my criteria. I guess maybe I was projecting something that kept the good ones away.

My man now is what I think the psychologists call "in the very superior intelligence range." And that's fine with me.

You just have to be patient, wait for the right one to come along, don't try to force it, and NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS!
 

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Sorry, but you hit a major nerve. That was one of my emotional rants/tangents. :redface:

The thing is life is not the Special Olympics, not everyone gets a blue ribbon or a gold medal just for showing up.

I couldn't agree with you more about not everyone being college material. Furthermore, you'll have no argument from me about the importance of some people finding their way to the right vocational school. Where we may have an issue is in how the college bound are separated from the vocational bound.

That decision or understanding must occur for the individual. Let the teachers, parents, systems, and larger society laud the benefits of college AS WELL AS of vocational school. Let us share success stories about people who got college degrees, who worked hard and got vocational training, AND who saw what they needed to do and struck out on their own paths after graduating high school OR EVEN DROPPING OUT.

Our children do have unreasonable expectations.

Look at the variety of "success" stories they have foisted upon them. Celebrities who have no talent? Some sport star on steroids? Someone rapping about mistreating women and killing cops? Someone who made millions in a frivilous lawsuit?

By all means let us show them how the various routes can lead to success and what is required along the way. What I don't want to see happening is some child being told he or she is only vocational material because he or she has yet to perform adequately on a test or other instrument. I don't want to see someone only going to college because that's just what is done. Let them see what route is most likely to take them where they want to go, and then let them make it happen.
 

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Whew... okay, yeah, a nerve or two touched... and we've kinda hijacked the thread... so, back to finding a mate... speaking of which I'm late to a social gathering where eligible mates just might be hovering.
 

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Back to the original topic. If someone is really dumb, it would be a turn off for a lot of potential partners. I don't see a problem with smart or well educated. As long as they aren't domineering, aloof, or self centered. Why is it domineering, aloof and self-centered often go together? :confused: That's an awful trifecta.
That's just my opinion. I used to work at an educational facility, So many of the educated people looked down their noses at the uneducated staff. Not all of them, but way too many. There's no way to approach people with that attitude. One of the most important lessons my mom taught me was that when you work in a school the people you want to make friends with first are the school secretary and the custodians. They, not the Principal run the school; and they can make your life hell on earth if you aren't nice to them. My mom (a retired kindergarten teacher) taught in an old 3 story brick school that was almost 100 years old. She was often the only one who had heat on those first few cold fall days. You know the ones when you want the heat on but the superintendent says you have to wait until the 15th or some other silly rule. :tongue: The secretary, a known curmudgeon would drop everything to make copies for my mom.

In love, work, or play kindness counts as much as, or more than intelligence. :smile:
 

txnrude

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To get back to the topic, a girl has to be smarter than me or I can't handle it. I have to feel challenged intellectually. I probably have really high standards but I think that is a really good thing. I want to be able to start talking about french new wave movies and godard, I want to be able to talk about tolstoy. There is nothing hotter than a girl who completely out smarts me, and can keep me in check because of it.
 

wldhoney

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I used to be in Mensa, and I actually got sick and tired of the people there boasting about their intelligence all the time, and they actually didn't think I was intelligent enough to qualify (although obviously I was - I did pass their test). So I really would rather not date another Mensa type unless he really didn't boast like that.

The people I know now are mostly intelligent and well educated, professionally employed people, but they have so much more to talk about than just "Look at how high my IQ is!", so I find this much more to my liking.
I agree here. I was invited in as well, but I simply could not relate. They were very, very intelligent people and I felt as though they spoke another language and I could not keep up. And there was a missing element. The inability to socialize, at least not in the way I did. It certainly didn't make me feel good about myself.

I do not believe that intelligence is measured in how many degrees you have or what kind of job you do. Some of the most thoughtful and insightful people I have known have GED's and work blue collar jobs. A degree does not determine how smart you are. However, I can appreciate that someone worked hard to earn that degree and will congratulate them on it. I would certainly not be resentful or jealous of it, nor accuse them of somehow beating a system.

Regarding the mate part: I went out with a guy a couple of times who was very smart and an engineer. I don't know much, if anything, about engineering. As a result, not only could I not add anything to the conversation, not that he noticed, but I was bored to tears. I went out with another guy one time. His conversation consisted of video games, which I don't play, and reality TV, which I hate. Both of them were very nice guys. Neither were interested in topics outside of their own. I could not relate to either one of them intellectually.

Personally, I need someone who loves to read, is interested in other cultures, likes to travel, enjoys debates and likes to hear opposite viewpoints without getting angry, wants to learn new things, and isn't satisfied with "this is the way it is and I'm not listening to anyone who says different". They don't have to have the same IQ or education as me, but they have to want to do more than sit in front of a tv and watch sitcoms. I HAVE to have someone that, if I read an article about something going on in the world, they are interested in sitting down and talking with me about it. There are people who don't enjoy that.

I did remark earlier that I would not date a stupid man. To me, a stupid man is one whose conversational skills amount to boobs, pussy, rascist and fat jokes, and who are too dumb to realize I am offended when I tell them to knock it off. When I was younger, I went out on a date with a man who took me dancing and proceded to loudly make rascist comments about the hispanic people around me. He was so busy laughing over what he thought were witty and humorous remarks, he missed my reactions, and then had the nerve to look surprised when I left him on the dance floor alone. No doubt there are some women that would have found him very amusing and smart. I did not.

So, I do not think being too intelligent is a drawback, but I do think that not being on the same level of what you yourself considers to be intelligence to be one.
 

txnrude

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exactly what I was trying to say, but didn't hah.
So, I do not think being too intelligent is a drawback, but I do think that not being on the same level of what you yourself considers to be intelligence to be one.
 
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I've been a bit of a long-time lurker on these forums, but I've decided at last to post. Obviously this thread has touched a nerve of some kind, or else I wouldn't have decided that this was to be the first one.
There's an awful lot of truth in the OP's ideas, though I think we should be honest and say that it's not so much a person's intelligence as their intellectual snobbery that prevents them from having relationships with a large portion of the population. I know that I'm amongst the worst for this. There is nothing that turns me off a profile on a personals site faster than somebody who leaves the "favourite author" section blank or who writes "Dan Brown lol" or something similar. I know that I'd never have a relationship with somebody who wasn't able to carry out a decent conversation. I have stopped dating people who otherwise would have made decent short-term boyfriends because of this.

My theory is this: It's not any different from being picky due to being physically attractive, except that it's nowhere near as obvious who is intelligent and who is not. Whilst attractive people can make a beeline for the other attractive people in a bar/club/whatever, it just doesn't work for intelligent people. For this reason, intelligent people find it difficult to find people with whom they can have decent relationships.