Is bi-sexuality triggered?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Primal_Savage, Dec 19, 2007.

  1. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

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    The threads on the “Cause of Homosexuality” and “Is Homosexuality Necessary” got me thinking. That was a mistake! As I’m a closeted bi-, have often wondered if unlike the guys that profess to being 100% one way or the other, if other bi-guy have had life-altering events that initially triggered their switches. Knowing that bi-sexuality is rampant in the animal kingdom, what triggers our release to have sex with both genders?

    In my case, it was getting shit-faced drunk with two varsity swim teams members my freshman year in college; one of which had been assigned as my “big brother” by the coach the first week of practice. Throughout H.S., once practice was over, I generally hit the showers with the other guys and to the best of my knowledge had never in the least been attracted to another guy, even my three best friends. We horsed around in the showers, talked of eating pussy, easy lays, etc. and did a lot of butt slapping with towels but never anything else. On occasion we might tease another guy if he got a boner, but that was about it. College showers with the rest of the team my freshman year wasn’t much different. I continued to date several girls and actually got very lucky with a couple. All that changed, the night of our team’s party. Following dinner, awards, and a lot of other crap, I went back to my “big brother’s” apartment with him, his roommate and a couple of other guys. We drank, watched some straight porn, did some more drinking, etc. Don’t really remember much else except waking up the following morning with my clothes in pile by the sofa and no one else in the room. Needing to take a piss, I walked into the his bedroom to find him fucking his roommate. Honestly, I wanted to gag and get the hell out of the place. I was intent of running out of the apt. house and down the street with my clothes and shoes in-hand, thinking “is this a nightmare?” Stopping me at the door, the two of them had other ideas. Apparently, in my drunken stupor, I’d engaged in sex with both of them.

    For more than a decade, I’ve tried to figure out what, besides alcohol, triggered the bi-sexual beast in me to be released that night and later that morning, only that time willingly. Yes, I admired my “big brother” and had sought his advice on a number of things, but certainly my feelings didn’t approach infatuation. Yes, their time’s were better than mine, they both looked better in their Speedos than most of the other guys, but physically I’d never been attracted to either of them. I’d been at practice with both of them, in the weight room, the showers, and hadn’t even thought about having sex with anyone else on the team. For months, after that, I had a really hard time dealing with my sexuality and would have denied being gay or bi-.

    Skipping the sordid details of my life in the intervening years between then and now, my questions are really for other guys that profess to being bi-sexual. Can you trace your switch to a single experience? Was your realization, overnight? Aside from having the usual guy-commitment problems, are your actions purely physical? And by that I mean in the absence of love, infatuation or whatever the hell, you want to call it. Or, are your actions, basically animalistic in nature, with getting off much like a release valve? Am relatively new to this site, but after reading a lot of threads, I really think that those of us that are bi- and distinctly different than being 100% gay or straight.
     
  2. sweatyblackballs

    sweatyblackballs New Member

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    You should write romance novels. You could earn a quid or two ...
     
  3. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

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    Fuck that, I'm being serious. I spent my first 19 years with the idea of having sex with another guy being totally repugnant; the idea of suck another's guy cock, much less fucking him, being totally foreign. Emotional involvement, especially even lying and saying the Love word is near to impossible with either sex and basically for sexual release.
     
  4. sweatyblackballs

    sweatyblackballs New Member

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    Sorry I didn't mean to belittle what you said. I think it is difficult to answer. I will think about it and get back to you in the morning. It is 3am here ... I need sleep
     
  5. sjprep06

    sjprep06 New Member

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    For me, I don't think there was anything that 'triggered' my bi-sexuality. I actually had a couple of really intense crushes on girls when I was younger. Then I started having crushes on guys that I saw on tv. I used to watch that softcore porn that they show on late night cable just to see the guy's asses.

    When I first started watching porn it was straight porn. When I first started downloading it, it was gay porn and eventually some straight porn. Over the past few months, my interest in girls has grown increasingly (still not as strong as my interest in guys but much more significant than it once was). I started having dreams and fantasies about women and became more and more sexually aroused by them. Do I feel like I can love both sexes? Yes. If I had the right partner for me, male or female, I would love that person unconditionally. At times, my being bi is partly only sexual but I've never been a really sexual person. I like to have a connection with a person first before I travel down that road.

    It is really hard to be bi. A lot of people, myself included, think that it's fun and good since we're never short of a sexual partner if we really wanted one. When people ask me what it's like being bi, I respond that it's the best and worst of both worlds. Being a man really doesn't make it any easier to deal with a man and it damn sure is difficult trying to decipher women. I still struggle with my realization. There have been many times when I have tried to convince myself to be one orientation or another and it just makes matters worse especially for a person like me who likes 'concrete' answers. I hate doubt and I hate doubt about things that concern me the most.

    Primal_Savage,

    I don't think that one event changed you. Hell, you could barely remember it yourself. In my eyes, they took advantage of you when you were least capable of responding and left you to deal with the emotional baggage. The second time may have been curiosity for you. You wanted to see if what they were saying was really true.
     
  6. B_Monster

    B_Monster New Member

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    Just like being 100% gay or 100% straight being bisexual is only triggered by conception. I was 14 yo when i first had sex with a girl and 15 yo with a boy. Dont know if this helps, most likely not, but, thats my opinion
     
  7. prince_will

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    this is the same for me. i have no idea why i am bi, but it's true. i love women and men, even though i sometimes lust over men more. i have no recollection of any event that made me bi. maybe it was my enviroment? genes?
     
  8. frgman

    frgman New Member

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    I agree a lot with what was said above. Especially that last paragraph. "Took advantage...left with emotional baggage...curiosity. It like getting raped. No one asks to be raped. The rape however has emotional chains that are really never broken. Enough said, that a story I'm still not ready to talk about, not yet.
    Anyway once this has happened, you down a road you have never been down before. But now the road has a fork or crossroad; curiosity.
     
  9. blkbottom87

    blkbottom87 New Member

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    This is almost identical to how my bisexuality began when I was younger and throughout highschool. I definately don't think I had a life-changing moment when I realized I was bi. I think I've always known I just never labeled it. I agree with sjprep06 on this one and I think you were just taken advantage of and that triggered some sort of curiousity.
     
  10. Whopper-lee

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    My bi-sexual experinces have been triggered by some guys hitting on me for the size of my penis (blow jobs are blow jobs...be it from males or females....a mouth is a mouth).
     
  11. SpitFireWheels

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    I don't think there was really a life-altering event for me. I was just something I always knew in the back of my mind. Sure when I was younger I tried to push the thoughts out of my head, sure I said it was just a phase but eh, I like boys and girls.

    Maybe you were specifically attracted to these guys or one of them and had a need/want to get to know them better which lead to it? Just like being straight, you're not attracted to every woman you see. Maybe you were bi all along and didn't see a guy you were attracted to up until that point

    I've always thought of myself as a "trysexual". If I try it and I like it, i'll keep doing it:p
     
  12. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I consider myself still 'closeted' but would love to be with another woman. I think there are many triggers to why it happens, admitting it, feeling comfortable with it, the right person, and finally allowing yourself not to care what society would judge of it/you.

    And then only once all of them are in place can the trigger be allowed to go off and set into play
     
  13. dickthrobbing

    dickthrobbing Active Member

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  14. Bbucko

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    There can be any number of circumstances that would lead to an experience on the "other side", but a "trigger" that alters your sexuality permanently? I don't think so...
     
  15. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I just happened to fall for my best friend in high school. It wasn't something that we planned or wanted. It was just natural for us. I didn't go out looking for some guy to get with.
     
  16. Not_Punny

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    Interesting thread.

    Because I'm a big believer in genetic programing (!), I would say that your bisexual POTENTIAL was always there -- you just didn't know it yet.

    So, I would say: yes, AWARENESS of bi-sexuality is triggered. But the ability was always there.

    Does that make sense?
     
  17. hot-rod

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    Say what? I don't think so. Guys are better at that one. lol
     
  18. titan1968

    titan1968 Active Member

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    Yes hotmilf, I agree with you on that. What a thought-provoking thread! In your post, you refer to 'genetic programming'. If I understand this properly, we are genetically predisposed to be straight, gay or bi, and some experience triggers the awareness of our sexual identity. Food for thought....

    In my teenage and twentysomething years, I also had my fair share of crushes-- on women mostly (e.g. actresses, singers, teachers) and on a few men (e.g. athletes, gym teachers, fellow students). Now I'm almost attracted equally to men and women. Why this change? The answer probably lies in SpitFireWheels' post (''Just like being straight, you're not attracted to every woman you see. Maybe you were bi all along and didn't see a guy you were attracted to up until that point.''). Like sjprep06, I need to feel a connection with the person I'm with before I have sex with him/her. In addition, when I'm in a relationship, I'm strictly monogamous and would find it difficult to stray.

     
  19. B_AZBiGuy

    B_AZBiGuy New Member

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    My situation is a combination of many of the previous posts, with a little spice added in.

    When I was little, I was molested by many of my (then) teenage male cousins. All of the details of what was done are foggy, as that was more than 20 years ago, but I think it left me with some kind of "role model" search going on. They were the coolest guys in the world to me. I didn't think what they did to me was wrong (at the time).

    Growing up with a bunch of sisters, they always commented on which guys were cute... so I kind of picked up on what made certain guys attractive. I also experimented with two of my cousins at around age 10-11. I never thought of it as "gay" stuff.. just something kids did.

    It wasn't until junior high and the explosion of hormones and leering pressure of open showers in PE that I began being attracted to my fellow classmates. But it was attraction to their bodies. Nothing more. My crushes on females centered around their whole package (mind, body, personality).

    In college, sex was about finding a guy who would fuck around with me for a quick 20-30 minutes then be gone. I met a girl who was fucking amazing. She was great in bed, had a gorgeous body, and loved me for all of my quirks.

    I ended up marrying her. After about 5 years of marriage, I opened up about my attraction to men. She understood that we all have some innate level of homosexuality (if even just recognizing a well-built, attractive male with no desire to bed him). She has allowed me my few and far between dalliances with select men (usually other married men who understand the need for discretion), but I'd never look to leave my wife for another man.

    Although she asked one day, "If I were to die, would you remarry?" I said I didn't know. That I didn't want to think of that as a possible scenario. But she pressed on, and ultimately asked if I would consider dating a man as an option should she die. I said, "Maybe. But I don't think so. It'd probably have to be Brad Pitt."

    But I was serious... maybe I would... maybe I wouldn't. It would have to be someone that I wanted to be with, regardless of their sex. And someone who was good to my kids.

    Wow... that was a long one.
     
  20. BigShiz

    BigShiz New Member

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    The way I've always thought about it and the way I was taught in psychology is that almost no on is 100% Straight or 100% Homosexual. It's actually pretty rare and less likely to be 100% in either direction.

    The teacher drew us a chart looking like this:

    Straight.....Bi.........Homosexual
    <----------|---------->
    A.100%....B.50%....C.100%


    The teacher made it clear to us that most of us lie on the graph somewhere in between A-B and B-C.

    It makes a lot of sense to me. Actually, that whole High School Psychology class made a great deal of sense to me. It was the single class that I think I benefited most from and could relate to almost everything we were taught.

    Just my say on the topic. :smile:
     
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