OK! MESSAGE FOR THE; HIP AND IMPATIENT.
yes this is a looong message -which some folks find infuriating.
I understand. Please don't get mad. Just scroll on past and try to forgive me. Actually, no one needs to read it. I just needed to say something outloud. I didn't have a hole in the ground to say it into. I just had to get it out of my head even if it can chalked up to plain ol' whining.
SCROLL PASS NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR EPITHETS
Actually, as the few places where attitude is improving (some big cities) and perhaps in certain social circles, the rest of the country is actually worse for M2M sexuality. I live in a supposedly liberal bastion of a town just south of SF, and maybe some folks are more politically-correct but I've heard more negative attitude and seen more violence against gay men as well as the word "gay" become so synonymous with "lame" "weak" "gross" and "just wrong" that the people I confront (very politely) don't seem to even be conciously aware of how wrong it is to do that. Or the busdriver or restaurant manager or anyone around me in those places. Even of I bring it to their attention. I've heard the answer more than a few times; "Is that a bad word now?" or "Are they calling you gay?" When I used to be more argumentative if I got a smart-aleck response, some high-school students would laugh, mock, increase the epithets, "warn" mothers with kids and other kids to "stay away-he just told he's a fag!" My all-time bus experience was the teen who jumped up and shouted at me in German (with that Nazi whine) , pretending (or not!) to me a Brown-Shirt Nazi, claiming Nazi heritage and that all queers should be killed. He asked me if I know what he said; and he said he was impressed that a stupid queer would know German. I told him many of my friends have been German and that I'm German too!. All the while remaining calm but speaking clearly so that the nearly full bus can hear me: they could hear him alright...he was shouting in my face, which I would embarass him away by saying with a lilt, "gee, you don't seem uncomfortable this close to a gay man, maybe you are not so homophobic." And added that though he couldn't frighten me, there might just be people on this bus who did suffer under Nazism and..." He didn't care, he said more German and I heard "Yuden (Juden) and Uber Alles, and I'm pretty sure he didn't mean Jews Over All!
Well, not one person stood up for me, the driver who I not only know he could hear all of this, but kept watching on his mirror. People on the bus couldn't have ignored what was happening...you could see that most people were tuned in and a few looked a bit scared, but most looked amused.
Eventually he and his pals got off. I was by the back-door and as he got off he shouted in an outrageous Nazi accent (that condescending lilt of contempt) a string of German and English epithets and that one day they'll clean up the scum like me and put us back I'm concentration camps. I gave him the finger without looking at him.
So I'm sorry that I disagree about social change as regards homo-hatred and phobia. Socialogists have noticed the trend of rising homophobia despite what the TV shows us. And its not non-correlative.
The more people of homo sensibilities feel free to express this in art or movies and books, the more horrified the general public. Case and point; of all the states, California has the most open attitude about gays. Yet, they went out of their way to attack Gay marriage numerous times and won, even though, like a lot of Republican bills are Unconstitutional. (Right Wing Philosophy - "We know we're right, so evil in the name of good is actually good, right?)
And as much as I love my black friends and lovers, I'm deeply saddened by their communities choice to seperate the values that they hold dear, essential human values, like "a person's value is based not on their color, class, gender but on their merits" from gay folks. No matter the horrific stereotypes that follows them to this day. The gay community has always championed minority caused, especially the black community. (Whats really ironic is the percentage of gays in various communities. By their own answers as to being black straight/bi/or gay compared to other racial groups, they have the highest percentage of gays in their group.
Sorry but funny gay couples on TV shows is not the same as being gladly invited to your partner's home for Thanksgiving
As for me, I don't have a single close friend anymore. When I came out either it became quickly clear I wasn't welcome to visit anymore or I wasn't welcome around if I was going to be "out". Their standing and reputation was at risk. "Oh, then they weren't really your friends!" Others didn't mind so much but that they didn't want to be taken for Gay as it messes up any chance meeting with a female. Others yet got married, and once they had kids their wives were "uncomfortable" with a gay man around the kids. And I dig kids, not just because they are fun, love nature, and say the most intrigueing things: but also because sexuality doesn't come up. I get to be free of my label and I just can be a regular guy if only for a bit. I am neither in nor out, my orientation is about as suitable and meaningful as the Business section of the paper for them or me to bring up.
Well I have two cats who love me when it's dinner...and Im dearly grateful for the attention I do get from them. I owe them for my continued existence and how happy it makes me to make them happy. Otherwise, I would have downed the oxycodone bottle years ago. (Yup! I'm a lucky guy! I get oxy's! I'm in constant pain, can barely walk, losing my continence, and my erections don't anymore very well and the rare orgasm that I do have (on my own) hurt. As does crying. Im only 45, but people want sex to be part of a relationship, not that I had much in the way of relations (I don't club, smoke cigs or wear cologne or hair gel- or being near those; nothing personal, I just find those smells overwhelming.
So in this wonderful new TV sanctioned new positive gay paradigm I just sit alone in pain, strung out, no more friends, no love, (not that there ever was) and I'm too chicken to just end my pain and stop using up resources that could really help others who have people that need them, that love them.
Life goes on long after the thrill for living is gone...and has been for years
Sad-yrrific