Is "Gay Recovery" Possible, Probable?

[Rocky14441]

I have a close friend who was forced by his church to go into a "Gay Recovery" program.

Does anyone on this site have any experience with People Can Change, or Evergreen, or any of the other institutions that claim to be able to change a man's SSA (Same Sex Attraction)?

Is it possible, or even desirable to change your sexual orientation?

I have known a lot of men, including my friend, who are really messed up because of the lies (in my judgement) that these programs spread. Most of the guys who go through this programs are from strict religious upbringings: Orthodox Jews, Mormans, and Catholics. They hold "reorientation" weekends.

They tell him that all his needs is male bonding, that that will take care of his needs, that there is a straight man inside him waiting to be let out.

Am I the one in denial, or is he? I there anything I can do for him?

 

[novice_btm]

Great topic! I have no experience with them, but I have a friend, also from a very strict Christian upbringing, that was considering it for quite a while. He would bring it up every once in a while, and he mentioned it about a month before we lost touch. I have wondered if that's why.

 

[Mem]

They tell him that all his needs is male bonding, that that will take care of his needs,

that's how he got in trouble in the first place.

Gay recovery is as effective as straight recovery.

 

[inman69]

that's how he got in trouble in the first place.

Gay recovery is as effective as straight recovery.

AMEN! That is exactly what I was thinking as well.

 

[smoothy]

I don't think you can force someone to change their preference, however I have known a guy who had lived in a same sex relationship for 12 years leaving his boyfriend for another woman- so I do believe for some people their sexuality can be fluid

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

I have a close friend who was forced by his church to go into a "Gay Recovery" program.

Does anyone on this site have any experience with People Can Change, or Evergreen, or any of the other institutions that claim to be able to change a man's SSA (Same Sex Attraction)?

Is it possible, or even desirable to change your sexual orientation?

I have known a lot of men, including my friend, who are really messed up because of the lies (in my judgement) that these programs spread. Most of the guys who go through this programs are from strict religious upbringings: Orthodox Jews, Mormans, and Catholics. They hold "reorientation" weekends.

They tell him that all his needs is male bonding, that that will take care of his needs, that there is a straight man inside him waiting to be let out.

Am I the one in denial, or is he? I there anything I can do for him?

"Forced by his church?" Who forces him to go to that church?
You know, that would make sense if he was like, still living at home or something? Otherwise, it is his choice to go.
Most of those "convert" idiots are exposed at best, for being closet homosexuals themselves or at worst, extreme religious right hate mongers that basically, hate everything and everyone that is not exactly like them.

The only way to "change" SSA is if you did not have that attraaction in the first place or if one's parents incorrectly interpreted normal adolescent curiosity to be hard core homosexuality.

Assuming that your friend has not been abducted into a cult or is not otherwise held there by his parents or guardians, do what a friend should do and get yourself and all his other friends together and get him the fuck out of there! Let me change that to get him out in any case! These places are full of nothing but ulterior motives and the younger he is the most dangerous these places will be for his overall emotional and mental state.
Good luck.

 

[Mem]

I don't think you can force someone to change their preference, however I have known a guy who had lived in a same sex relationship for 12 years leaving his boyfriend for another woman- so I do believe for some people their sexuality can be fluid

I met a guy this year that didn't know he was gay till he was 30 years old. He dated women. I asked him if he thought about men when masturbating when he was younger and he said no.

 

[Gl3nn]

In 20 years only about 3-5% will be going to church and then this won't happen anymore. And thank God for that (get it? )

I'm sorry to hear your friend. I don't get why people let themselves talk into this. If they don't accept you, why should you still want to go there... horrible.

 

[canuck_pa]

"Recovery" implies something is wrong or ill which I do not accept. Mem is right "Gay Recovery" is actually religious bigots understanding that there is nothing wrong or ill with being gay.

As those religious bigots believe in "creation" how can they hate homosexuals when by their teaching we are all God's children and as has been said "God don't make no junk"

 

[bakardi420]

What he needs is a support group for gay men with gay men because the people around him (at least his family) are horrible unsupportive people.

Horrible because they would rather have someone (and their OWN family member) be a certain way over accepting them for who they are.

There are MANY religious people who have no problem accepting gay people for who they are.

A "Gay Recovery" group is just hate.

Hopefully if he actually has went to this he can meet another gay man and they can find support in each other instead (and I don't mean that in a sexual way at all).

 

[dongalong]

Churches offer people a structure to base their lives around, many sheeple...er...people are quite happy to be told how to live by someone with authority, such as a preist, rabi etc. Life is so easy when choices in life are made for them (remember childhood?).

If a person sees and experiences what is really happening outside the "safe little world" structure offered by religious teachings, they will either be afraid of reality and return to their God for salvation or become informed of the bigger picture and educated, in which case they will start to question their religion's agenda and possibly lose faith - leaving them free to bum whoever they like!

I think any "Gay recovery" program will only work if your friend is: brainwashed, weak minded, gullible, not so intelligent or not really gay.

 

[cocktaste]

Absolutely 1000000% N-O! They torture people in these programs. It is proven that you cannot change your sexuality. Programs like this should be illegal!

 

[prepstudinsc]

One of my friends went to a program like this offered at his church, it was called Living Water or something like that. It's not changed his orientation, it has only changed how he deals with it--he is now celibate. There are pros and cons to it, I guess. I just don't see why one would want to renounce who they are. You can't make a lion into a lamb, so why try to make a gay person straight?

 

[MuscledHorse]

South Park had the last word on this and brilliantly skewered these institutions by sending Butters to one ("Cartman Sucks" is the epidose). Will & Grace also hit this in their early seasons with Jack & Karen posing as a str8 couple. It's a croc that goes all the way up to people like Rev. Ted Haggard (outed by his escort and trated and certified str8 (God knows how they did that part) by his church). In my experience they are self deluded faux moralists. John Steart said it best to Mike Huckabee ina recent Daily Show: Peole don't choose to be gay but they do choose their religion. That says it all.

 

[Rocky14441]

I think any "Gay recovery" program will only work if your friend is: brainwashed, weak minded, gullible, not so intelligent or not really gay.

I know my friend pretty well. He is highly intellegent, definitely gay (he admits this), as for the gullible part...

Its been hard for me to understand what it was like for him growing up: the entire focus of his life was based on his religion, on the primary importance of creating a family to live in eternity with, the utter rejection of gay members. The total control they exercise is scary. They are expected not to orgasm until their wedding nights!

I was raised protestant, minimal anti-gay pressure, and it was still a bitch for me to come out. He is making a choice between these bedrock beliefs he was brought up with and his own internal compass, and I think the church is winning.

He has a big support group, but I am the only one in this group who knows about his sexuality and his recovery. I have honored his trust by not telling any of the other men.

Thanks for your feedback, keep it coming.

 

[barkerfan]

I agree that there is the rare person who may realize somewhere in thier life that something else is more appropriate for them. However, this whole "recovery" deal angers me more than I can express. Trying to keep my cool, let me just state that, no, I don't believe it is possible. I believe they brainwash an guilt people into the deepest and darkest corners of the "closet". You are basically forced to believe that what you are doing and the life you are leading is bad, wrong and destructive. To end the misery you MUST be feeling, you MUST supress and deny any natural feelings of desire and live a lie. How this can possibly be anymore helpful than hurtful is beyond me. To be forced to live a life of denial seems more destructive tome than anything. In my opinion, it's also programs like this that breed ignorance and hatred. Perpetuating the thought that homesexuality is wrong, a choice and a curable "disease". In a lot of these programs, you are not even allowed to go to a shopping mall or grocery store without your "brothers", to ensure that you don't succumb to temptation and relapse. What I'd really like to know, is how "true" the people (usually men.) running these things are being to thier pseudo "straight" spouses and themselves? And how many are secretly going out to choke on dick on the side.

 

[flame boy]

As my darling partner just said: "'Gay Recovery' is about as likely and successful as 'Black Recovery'"

 

[goodwood]

gay recovery huh?
huh.
i wasn't aware that such things could be changed. i always thought that a person's sexual desires were innate.
i have seen a couple of dateline episodes that talked about this topic i think. they showed guys that were gay now happily married to women.
unless a guy was fortunate enough to have a loving and adoring and involved father, then hell - every guy without that gay or straight could benefit from some positive male involvement.
would 'male bonding' or whatever make someone not gay? i don't see how that could be possible.
geez rocky, i don't know what to say. what does your friend seem to think about this gay 'recovery' program? is he all ready to go slutting around and having random one night stands with women all of a sudden?
keep us posted. this is an interesting topic for sure.

 

[pornographicpoet]

I think the film "But I'm a Cheerleader" answered this question.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

Wow, does that really exists! Wow, talking about conservative lol Well you can't turn your sexuality off I believe, if he will act straight after that, he will be living a lie probably... Sorry to hear