Is he really going out with her?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by mephistopheles, Apr 13, 2011.

  1. mephistopheles

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    This is about a friend of mine, whose name name I won't give because if is one of my many friends in real life who visit the site.

    Anyway,we do plenty of regular things friends would do: We talk, watch movies, play games, guitar; but after talking about it for a while we started writing poetry, reading to each other, and a few other things. It's nothing sexual but we've agreed that we wouldn't do "these things" with just friends.

    We do a lot and his phone rings... A lot.

    It is always his "girlfriend" and she only calls to bitch at him.
    The fault partly lays with him though; she is always calling and bitching about how she never sees him, because he rarely visits her anymore.

    I feel bad too because I feel like I am keeping him from her, because I am the reason he doesn't hang out with her. The reason this is an issue for me is because a few weeks ago after we were hanging out he was leaving and came to give me a hug and I VERY jokingly said "I thought we'd be past that by now and on to kisses." Because I say a lot of that to people, and have gotten a few kisses out of it, but this time was different.

    We kissed, just a sensual smudging of the lips, but it was lovely and when we pulled away he was looking right into my eyes. It was intense.

    Anyway, we ended up making out for a few hours but I told him since he has a girlfriend that we won't go any further. He agreed and he left in a good mood.

    We have something going and and I want to start dating him and he says the same, but he can't break up with his girlfriend because he "owes her too much." which is a lie because once before he told me it was because he is afraid of being seen with a boyfriend, though he denies it now.

    I am patient and since we hang out all of the time anyway I don't care, but what should I do? This is kind of a pickle. I don't want him or her to be in a loveless relationship and the longer he waits the worse it will be for her.
     
  2. Coolhunter

    Coolhunter <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    he'll need to make a decision otherwise you will always end up as second choice....
     
  3. CuriousFem

    CuriousFem Active Member

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    I agree with Coolhunter. Even worse, is that he could have you in private and her in public, which is not fair to you (or her).

    In my opinion, it comes down to how much you want to be with him and whether keeping your relationship a secret is a deal-breaker for you. You can give him an ultimatum: Become single and then date me publicly. Or you can date him on his terms instead.

    Neither choice is objectively wrong, but I get the idea from your post that dating him in secret is wrong for you.

    I wish you luck.

    PS -- I like the ref in the title to an old(-ish) song.
     
  4. mephistopheles

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    Thanks a lot guys.

    It's more or less in secret because no one else is around, but he doesn't lie to people about being with me.

    I figure after a few more times of talking with him I'll give him the ultimatum.

    Thanks guys.

    More advice is welcome.

    PS-- Yeah it's Joe Jackson, my sig is from him too, I think that song kind'a applies here.
     
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