Is he still my friend?

[freefolkf]

One night just after my graduation from university, I was playing on chat roulette, when I met a very cute guy. We jerked off and that was it. In the few days that followed, we practically fell in love and we were constantly in contact, talking and getting to know each other. He wanted to start a relationship, but I told him that I had planned to go for post-grad studies abroad, which hurt him badly. No need to say that I left on his birthday...
In the period that followed, we maintained a platonic relationship. Once I visited him and he visited me, but nothing happened. We decided to stay friends and here I should mention that we're both closeted. He then went to work abroad, in a third country and we agreed to stay in contact and be best friends. He even bought stuff for me everywhere he went...
At some point he started messaging less and less, to the point that I had to start all the conversations. Later he wouldn't even honour me with 'seen'. I never got all the gifts he bought. Once, I practically forced him to come meet me in his hometown. Every time I'd state my disappointment in this, he'd say that I'm being dramatic and so on, that we're only dear friends and we both chose our paths, so we can't be boyfriends. I suppose this fallout came with the increase of his sex life.
I understand that he doesn't love me anymore and he doesn't want to have anything sexual with me, but why doesn't he want to stay friends with me? I can't forget him, he was my first love. I want him present in my life, but he obviously doesn't want anything to do with me. Otherwise, he would message me once in a while, if we're still friends as he says.
Am I the guilty one?
Am I crazy, or jealous, or drama queen?
Should I forget him? I really can't.

 

[cedarizzo]

He didn't love you, you didn't love him. You might have been infatuated with him or maybe the thought of possibly having a relationship with him at some point. But that isn't love.

Both of you have grown apart, he has found other interests. Most likely he has found somebody new. That is life. Most of us have had our first loves. I still think about mine, but I haven't seen him a few decades. But I remember him as that guy from a few decades ago that I fell in love with, not the guy he is today (multi-time divorced guy from many women and has one kid).

You should move on with your life, find somebody close to you. And nobody is guilty, once again, it is life.

 

[freefolkf]

He didn't love you, you didn't love him. You might have been infatuated with him or maybe the thought of possibly having a relationship with him at some point. But that isn't love.

Both of you have grown apart, he has found other interests. Most likely he has found somebody new. That is life. Most of us have had our first loves. I still think about mine, but I haven't seen him a few decades. But I remember him as that guy from a few decades ago that I fell in love with, not the guy he is today (multi-time divorced guy from many women and has one kid).

You should move on with your life, find somebody close to you. And nobody is guilty, once again, it is life.

Thank you for your answer. I think that you're right and you describe the situation as I understand it myself, but I unfortunately can't accept it emotionally. I obviously need some reassurance and an objective opinion from a third party.

 

[cedarizzo]

Thank you for your answer. I think that you're right and you describe the situation as I understand it myself, but I unfortunately can't accept it emotionally. I obviously need some reassurance and an objective opinion from a third party.

I understand. It is never easy. He will always be your first love, nobody else can ever be that for you. But you need to realize that it is time to move on. Most likely it won't happen over night, it won't happen in the next week, but eventually, you will find somebody else. Good luck, you can do this!

 

[freefolkf]

His new song came out right on time

 

[ohiorod]

As long as you say and believe that you can’t accept it emotionally, you won’t. I agree with the advice you have received. Rip off the bandaid, and let this pain heal.

 

[Infernal]

People change, relationships change, and what people want from a relationship changes. Sometimes relationships run their course and fade away. Enjoy what you had, but don't dwell on it.

 

[CockMySuck]

One night just after my graduation from university, I was playing on chat roulette, when I met a very cute guy. We jerked off and that was it. In the few days that followed, we practically fell in love and we were constantly in contact, talking and getting to know each other. He wanted to start a relationship, but I told him that I had planned to go for post-grad studies abroad, which hurt him badly. No need to say that I left on his birthday...
In the period that followed, we maintained a platonic relationship. Once I visited him and he visited me, but nothing happened. We decided to stay friends and here I should mention that we're both closeted. He then went to work abroad, in a third country and we agreed to stay in contact and be best friends. He even bought stuff for me everywhere he went...
At some point he started messaging less and less, to the point that I had to start all the conversations. Later he wouldn't even honour me with 'seen'. I never got all the gifts he bought. Once, I practically forced him to come meet me in his hometown. Every time I'd state my disappointment in this, he'd say that I'm being dramatic and so on, that we're only dear friends and we both chose our paths, so we can't be boyfriends. I suppose this fallout came with the increase of his sex life.
I understand that he doesn't love me anymore and he doesn't want to have anything sexual with me, but why doesn't he want to stay friends with me? I can't forget him, he was my first love. I want him present in my life, but he obviously doesn't want anything to do with me. Otherwise, he would message me once in a while, if we're still friends as he says.
Am I the guilty one?
Am I crazy, or jealous, or drama queen?
Should I forget him? I really can't.

You shouldn't put your energy to people who don't appreciate you and aren't interested in you. It seems like he's not interested in you (at least to the level that you need) anymore, so why force it? I think the questions you ask are the end are irrelevant because, regardless of who did what, you can't force someone to want to talk with you more or spend more time with you or feel certain things. There are SO many other people who will treat you better than him. I think you just need to meet more people.

It's clear your relationship escalated quickly, and normally that's not how deep relationships develop You went to this committed place without even having the foundations of a deep friendship, and I think that's why things are the way they are now.

 

[Basgate6]

I try to type your name on ig with that two names (TG) , nothing show up ….. I’m guessing my device is still being manipulated…… I would really want to sit down and have a serious talk . If you reading this can you patiently wait til I finish my shift ………, I’ve seen the messages in those vids ( I knew it’s you …… why would you got sam involved with this ? Those clothing had very special meaning to me that I would never forget those stories behind ….. so you can stop it now , even for a bit would you ? Thank you and very much appreciated).