Is hooking up now the ideal first date?

[D_Lee_Iacuckold]

Okay so I've been trying to date and find a boyfriend and start a relationship, but everywhere I turn, everyone wants to have sex first. And I realize that when there are two men who want to start a relationship, there are twice as many male sexual hormones in the air, which makes it hard to resist having sex as a first meeting. For me, there is nothing really wrong with sex on the first date, as long as we actually go on a date. I mean boys will be boys. Its almost always expected to have sex the first meeting, or atleast do something sexual.

And so the thing is, Im not comfortable with meeting someone and boom, cock out, ass up in the air. But, it seems that that is how things roll nowadays. Am I just looking in the wrong places or is the apparent old-school idea of getting to know someone for a few hours atleast before having sex gone?

 

[Candidate]

I've been pondering the same thing, somebody answer this!

I always find myself going back to online sex/dating sites, despite my efforts to join local gay sports league, going to house parties, going to bars, etc. I do meet some guys but nothing comes out of it dating-wise, then I will go home and resort to finding someone online for some fun for the time being. It's kind of a vicious cycle really.

 

[zxcv900]

That is so true! So many people only want sex and not a relashionship. ( sorry for the bad spelling) but keep doin what toure doin and the right person will come along.

 

[Yellow LedBetter]

If I were offered sex on the first date, I'd respectfully decline. If I'm trying to BUILD a relationship, I would like to start it off on the right foot. Sex can often complicate new relationships; however, sex also can be a great ice breaker. It's situational at best; there are MANY variables that play a contributing factor... The individual, how much you enjoy their company, how long has it been since you've actually had sex, etc.

 

[zxcv900]

So true! Say how do you comment on someones responsr

 

[zxcv900]

If I were offered sex on the first date, I'd respectfully decline. If I'm trying to BUILD a relationship, I would like to start it off on the right foot. Sex can often complicate new relationships; however, sex also can be a great ice breaker. It's situational at best; there are MANY variables that play a contributing factor... The individual, how much you enjoy their company, how long has it been since you've actually had sex, etc.

So trur

 

[B_JenniTalia]

I take great issue with the notion of sex being the lynchpin for an ideal date, irregardless of whether it is the first or any number of dates that follow. Sex is only a small piece of the hugely complex jigsaw puzzle otherwise known as a relationship.

 

[Yellow LedBetter]

It's all subjective.

 

[dude_007]

Exactly, subjective. And I would say hooking up is the ideal first date in gay NYC. Dont hate the players hate the game.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I would prefer to have the kind of intense chemistry that leads to hooking up on the first date. Then again, I'm not looking for love at this point, just friendship that involves hot sex.

 

[CobraLover]

For me, it depends on the circumstances of meeting...did I meet the guy on a hookup site? Then yea, its likely going to start with sex. But if you write a different profile or go onto gay social sites, most guys actually prefer not to start with sex...coffee and/or a meal is usually how I've met guys. But I've also done hookups, depends on my mood. I also like having f.w.b. perfect if you don't have a BF

 

[kayman]

Yep, like most things in society these days. It's all about sex.

 

[open501s]

I would suggest it's been that way for some time. My husband and I were one night stands that has been going on for 15 years. I've also had one night stands / fuck buddies that are really good friends now.
Thank about it. Before birth control people would get married if their relationship produced another life.
The best way to get into a relationship is not look for one.

 

[D_Lee_Iacuckold]

I would suggest it's been that way for some time. My husband and I were one night stands that has been going on for 15 years. I've also had one night stands / fuck buddies that are really good friends now.
Thank about it. Before birth control people would get married if their relationship produced another life.
The best way to get into a relationship is not look for one.

Thats how I feel. I tell myself to get over it and just have fun and maybe something will turn out. But I also dont wanna be sleeping around.

 

[Bbucko]

Thats how I feel. I tell myself to get over it and just have fun and maybe something will turn out. But I also dont wanna be sleeping around.

What's with the "slut shaming"? Personally, I've never understood why grown men ape the dating parameters of teen-aged girls.

I would suggest it's been that way for some time. My husband and I were one night stands that has been going on for 15 years. I've also had one night stands / fuck buddies that are really good friends now.
Thank about it. Before birth control people would get married if their relationship produced another life.
The best way to get into a relationship is not look for one.

This has been the standard since I first started having sex in the late 70s. I agree with you completely that it's neither new nor inherently shameful.

 

[luka82]

Hooking up on the first date-YES!
How else will you know what the guy is packing

 

[B_Nicodemous]

What's with the "slut shaming"? Personally, I've never understood why grown men ape the dating parameters of teen-aged girls.



This has been the standard since I first started having sex in the late 70s. I agree with you completely that it's neither new nor inherently shameful.

Ummm...with all due respect Bb i don't think he was doing that at all. He was expressing what he wanted and wanted to know if that was not the norm for gay society. Just becuase his desires and ideals for a first date do not correspond with yours does not inherently mean he is "slut shaming." What would be the phrase for someone calling a person out for not wantng to be slutty? Live and let live.

It's ike getting pissed at someone who asks "Is everyone into some kind of kink, cuz i like pure vanilla, and was wondering if I was in the minority for the gay culture." While not for me (i have to have some kink) I wouldn't dream of accusing them of ..."kink shaming", I guess? Any more than I would feel the desire to critisize a person for an unshared kink. I don't get sounding, but I am not going to try to "shame" a person who does. If it gets them off, great. I expect them to respect me and my desire to not have it performed on me. If they tried to shame me for not trying it or being closed minded to it, there is the fuckin door.

For the recoerd I tend to go either way. There are times where, depending what I am looking for, I have seriously regreted the first "date" fuck. Especially if it was on a social network site. Or someone I meant IRL. Unless a quick lay was the reason to do it, I'd rather not.

Now that being said, I have had relationships of some kind develop out of what was initially a one night stand. My current FB being a prime example.

In neither case was I a puritanical "slut shamer" or a "fuck whatever comes along" slut.

Am I a slut? You betcha:biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:. Am I a romantic? Very much so:redface::redface::redface:. Do they always coexist peacefully? Nope, lol!

I would say to play it by ear. If you don't want to have sex on the first dtae, don't. Simple as that. If the dude gets all butt hurt (and sepecially if he teries to shame you into sleeping with him) dump his sorry ass. He was ONLY after one thing and even if he wasn't, your veiwpoints are probably not going to line up.

Now if there is that spark, and you want at each other? GO FOR IT!!!! You may find a mate, a FwB, a FB, or a hot NSA one nighter. As long as you don't have your hopes pinned on any particular outcome, you can enjoy the moment:biggrin:

 

[MickeyLee]

hooking up on the first date is preferred to hooking on a first date.
saves you that really awkward moment when the check comes.

get it.. check.. comes..

i am so awesome.

 

[B_Nicodemous]

hooking up on the first date is preferred to hooking on a first date.
saves you that really awkward moment when the check comes.

get it.. check.. comes..

i am so awesome.

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Oh dear god...i think i peed just now...:lmao:

 

[Intrigue]

^I hear that's a kink... Be careful! Wear protection! Like a raincoat!