Is it always about looks?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by abiz, Jan 4, 2008.

  1. abiz

    abiz New Member

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    I've noticed that most people when it comes down to a relationship (or sex) is based mostly on looks. I know I am not the best looking out there, but damn it, why can't someone see me as the person who will be there for them and listen to what they have to say? I am tired of talking (chatting online) to someone and really connecting with them then they ask the same old question, which when I answer honestly, it sends them away. What's your stats? Now I know I am not the skinniest person out there, but when I answer them, they make me feel like I am a 2 ton fat piece of sh*t. Has anyone else had this happen to them? Does anyone look past the looks at the person, or should I go on The Biggest Loser and hope it works out?
     
  2. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    wondered why all the people I really care about are so good-looking ... is it because of their looks (all my friends are considered good-looking) ... or is it because of my affection for them that they appear so beautiful to me?
     
  3. Bbucko

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    My experience is that most beautiful people are lousy lays. I am much more intrigued by an odd, interesting face than one that is merely pretty. Personality and humor count for much more than vacuous, insipid beauty.

    But I still reserve the right to see what I'm getting and judge for myself whether or not he's attractive (to me).
     
  4. B_Monster

    B_Monster New Member

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    Im the same way Bbucko, the odd crook in the nose, a scar, different things Im attracted to besides the drop dead gorgeous woman or man
     
  5. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    NO. It's not always about looks. Take it from me. The older you get the more you realize looks are far from everything. Pretty people are nice to look at. They may be charming, you may feel better for having one show interest in you, but that's about it. The truly beautiful people are those who stand by you in trouble, give without asking or expecting like in return, whose hearts are noble in their modesty and willingness to give. These people have a radiance all their own, separate from their looks. I can jack off to all the hottest guys in porn, fantasize about fucking movie and rock stars. In the end, it matters very little. Nick4444 said it quite rightly. The people who love you become beautiful to you no matter if they could grace the covers of magazines or medical journals. True glamor comes from grace of spirit and the generosity of heart.

    And I do mean glamor. Beauty and glamor are used interchangeably these days but they do not mean the same thing.

    The odd thing is even the most shallow of people come to realize this at some point in their lives and that truth will either give them solace or make them bitter for the lost years. It has never failed me that the people I think are hot, and I mean desire beyond a simple screen image, became so only after I came to know them as real people.

    Beautiful people are rare in the world, far rarer than the merely good-looking.
     
  6. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I have mixed feelings about this, so I'll just tell you how I feel. I'd like to say that looks don't matter, but they do. I CANNOT be in a relationship with a person that I am not physically attracted to. Having said that, the question now is - what do I find physically attractive? That's the key... finding someone who is attracted to YOU. Everyone is attracted to different things in different people, so surely there is someone out there who is attracted to you. Personally, I prefer a bigger guy. But that's not for everyone. Just be patient. You'll find someone.
     
  7. Principessa

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    Most men have an unrealistic expectation of what a certain weight looks like on a person. The way you guys say women can't tell a 6 inch dick from a 9 inch dick. Well, a lot of men assume any woman over 140 pounds is fat regardless of her height or build. :mad:

    If you honestly think you are a candidate for The Biggest Loser then you are obese not just a little overweight; and you need to consult a doctor about a diet and fitness program. :redface:


    I agree with you yet again Bbucko.

    I, because of a few bad dating experiences have learned to avoid really good looking or handsome men as well as men who earn a lot of money. I know, I know all women are supposed to be gold diggers.:rolleyes::redface: Well I'm not. I'm more inclined to be interested in a guy I find out is a construction worker than a lawyer. Trust Fund Baby's aren't even a blip on my radar. I have yet to meet one who wasn't a shallow, vapid, lying muttonhead.
     
  8. whatireallywant

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    I run into this one a lot. Even though I weigh more than 140 lbs. (and am short!), I'm more like "slightly overweight" rather than "obese". I mentioned on the "too muscular" thread (although it was about men), that I have a naturally muscular build, or so I've been told. I carry my amount of weight differently than a less naturally muscular woman would.

    I always hate it when they ask for "stats" because my height and weight sound really fat to me! Of course the guys who want stick-thin women will think that of me anyway, but I actually haven't run into too many of those. What I have run into are those who asked my stats and then decided they didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. It may have been a bit better if I'd had pictures back then, since they could very well be in that category of having an unrealistic expectation of what a certain weight looks like.

    Also, someone told me "Looks just make the person go across the room to meet you, personality is what keeps them with you". The trick is to get them across that room, though! :biggrin1: I have been working (within my VERY limited budget) to figure out what clothes, hair styles, etc. are the most flattering on me. I really don't want a guy who is only after thin women anyway - they often sound like they'd break up with you if you gained 5 lbs.

    I'll admit though, that I have trouble having a relationship with someone I'm not physically attracted to as well. Fortunately, I am physically attracted to several different types of men, and not just one type.
     
  9. jack65

    jack65 New Member

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    Hello

    I think there are people that really don't care to much about looks as long as you can be a loving person to them, then you get the others that beauty or something close to it is really there main focus.

    For my self i tend to get a mental picture of a person as i get to know them and thats what tells me if they are good looking or not, I have never gone out with any one that i didn't not see this way, there worldly looks are of little value to me because i need to see them, not just there outside appearance.

    Thats not to say i wouldn't look at chicks just because they look good, its just not a prerequisite.

    Thank You.
     
  10. abiz

    abiz New Member

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    Wow, I must say, thank you. I know brutal honesty hurts sometimes and after reading your post, I am hurt, but at the same time, Thank You for being honest.
     
  11. Principessa

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    Oops, I forgot to answer the OP's original question. :tongue:

    I will first be attracted to a man I meet IRL by his looks. However, it is his intellect, sense of humor, integrity, character; and personality which will make me linger. On the off chance that a drop dead gorgeous man possesses all those other things then yes I will date him.

    I like men who I guess most would think fall into the average looks category. For some reason I have a thing about noses. Not big noses per se, noses that have been broken and healed improperly, for some reason are a turn-on for me. :redface:
     
  12. Mr. Snakey

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    Its the looks that get our attention but its the soul that captures our hearts..
     
  13. DC_DEEP

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    My guess is that you have been looking in the wrong places, for the wrong things, and making the same wrong choices over and over.

    There are LOTS of men out there who prefer larger over smaller.

    But if you keep looking in the same chat rooms, you'll find the same people. If you keep going to the same twink bars, you'll find the same superficial twinks.

    Get the courage to look outside your own comfort zone, and you may find some surprising and wonderful things. Just be prepared to realize that if you tend to be attracted to superficial people, that's what you will find. The old saying, "Same gets same" is so very true. You can't reasonably expect to keep looking in the same place and find something different.
     
  14. B_Monster

    B_Monster New Member

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    Right on!
     
  15. 36DD

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    You should try being a woman...we are judged like this all the time...I think a lot of women care more about the character of the man, but that could just be me. Of course, looks are important, I'd be lying if I said otherwise, but they are not everything. A person who is good looking on the outside yet ugly on the inside makes for a very ugly person in my opinion.
     
  16. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    From what i've found about goodlooking people being lousy lays is partially true. Now, my husband was the best looking guy and was the best sex by far up until that point for me. But he was also a big nerd, pretty humble and wasnt arrogant about his looks or cock size. I find that humble people who are secure in who they are, whether ugly, average or attractive are more likely to want to acheive at what they put their hand to, and sex is no different. They are also less likely to be so stuck on themselves they are less likely to care about what pleases the other person.
     
  17. naughty

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    No, it isnt ALL about looks but there has to be something that one is attracted to for chemistry to be there. THat being said. It is the things one has in common that tend to keep people together. Intelligence, mutual goals, viewpoint, humor, etc. tend to do it for me. I think early on one may believe the fairytales about who might be one's perfect person. I think priorities shift as one ages and experiences life's hard knocks. If not, one may be bound to go through the same heartache again and again.
     
  18. Principessa

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    :frown1: I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you. :redface::frown1: From the few times I have seen the Biggest Loser most participants are at least 80 pounds overweight. Some participants are over 100 pounds over weight for their height and build. Doctors used to consider this morbidly obese. :redface: IF you are in the range of being 80+ pounds more than is healthy for you thats an issue. That goes beyond being a bear or daddy type. :rolleyes:
     
  19. espreggels

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    I'm going to buck the trend of reassuring responses and say that for men, yes, looks are the most important component to sexual attraction. Individual preferences vary, of course, but in general, we judge a woman's attractiveness by how she looks first and foremost. Not that other factors aren't important; they're just not as important.

    (Before dozens of guys jump in saying that this doesn't apply to them and is therefore untrue, I'd like to point out that exceptions to a rule do not invalidate the rule. If I state that, in general, Chinese people are shorter than Danish people, pointing out that Yao Ming is 7'6" does not invalidate the fact that on average, Danes are taller.)

    For women, looks are less important, though they still play a part. A man's attractiveness to a woman derives from his social status; not just in a financial sense, nor in an upper-class vs. lower-class sense, though those both do play a role; instead, it's more in terms of a man's confidence and force of personality in social situations, and the amount that other people admire him and defer to him, which basically equate to fame and power. (Again, I'm speaking in generalities. This is not true for every single woman; if you don't feel this way, it's perfectly valid to do so.)

    To illustrate the point, let's look at the groupie phenomenon. It's well known that if you are a successful male rock star, you essentially have your pick of attractive women -- regardless of what you look like. Lemmy Killmeister, the lead singer of Motorhead, is a very unattractive guy with three prominent, almost disfiguring moles (or warts) on his face, and yet he's probably touched more vaginas than your average gynecologist. He's certainly not getting these hundreds of women because of his stunning good looks. This isn't to say that a handsome rock star will do worse than an ugly one, but it plays a much smaller role than fame and status.

    On the other hand, there really isn't an equivalent phenomenon of male groupies for female pop stars. Sure, there are millions of guys out there who would like to sleep with Christina Aguilera, but that's because she's physically attractive, not because she's famous; if she were just some girl in a club, she could still essentially have her pick of the men in the place, strictly because of her looks. (Note: If you personally don't think she's attractive, that doesn't change the fact that most men do). Yes, she wouldn't have the same number of men desiring her as she does being famous, but that's simply because of exposure; so many more men are aware of her and her attractiveness than they would be of a random hot girl in a club somewhere.

    Meanwhile, Aretha Franklin, while an amazing singer and performer, frankly isn't that physically attractive, so you don't see very many men who would want to sleep with her even though she's a superstar with nearly unlimited talent. Sure, there might be a few, but it's not going to be a large number, especially among younger men with their higher sex drives. But Mick Jagger, by contrast, a male rock star in her age range who's looking pretty rough these days, can command the attention of any number of female models in their 20s by essentially snapping his fingers.

    Sorry for rambling, and I hope this post doesn't upset anyone. I'm just offering my honest opinion based on what I've read and observed about human nature, male and female.
     
  20. earllogjam

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    I like to think that your looks may get you up the steps and to the front door but whether you are invited in and get to stay depends on who you are as a person.

    I imagine lots of good looking people end up living on the porch.
     
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