Is it always about looks?

Itsfomas

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I think its a 50:50 thing, you need the looks that are attractive but its never gonna last without the personality.
I like pretty people... but i get bored very easy, they have to be exciting as well as good looking.
 

B_Nick4444

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I'm going to buck the trend of reassuring responses and say that for men, yes, looks are the most important component to sexual attraction. Individual preferences vary, of course, but in general, we judge a woman's attractiveness by how she looks first and foremost. Not that other factors aren't important; they're just not as important.

(Before dozens of guys jump in saying that this doesn't apply to them and is therefore untrue, I'd like to point out that exceptions to a rule do not invalidate the rule. If I state that, in general, Chinese people are shorter than Danish people, pointing out that Yao Ming is 7'6" does not invalidate the fact that on average, Danes are taller.)

For women, looks are less important, though they still play a part. A man's attractiveness to a woman derives from his social status; not just in a financial sense, nor in an upper-class vs. lower-class sense, though those both do play a role; instead, it's more in terms of a man's confidence and force of personality in social situations, and the amount that other people admire him and defer to him, which basically equate to fame and power. (Again, I'm speaking in generalities. This is not true for every single woman; if you don't feel this way, it's perfectly valid to do so.)

To illustrate the point, let's look at the groupie phenomenon. It's well known that if you are a successful male rock star, you essentially have your pick of attractive women -- regardless of what you look like. Lemmy Killmeister, the lead singer of Motorhead, is a very unattractive guy with three prominent, almost disfiguring moles (or warts) on his face, and yet he's probably touched more vaginas than your average gynecologist. He's certainly not getting these hundreds of women because of his stunning good looks. This isn't to say that a handsome rock star will do worse than an ugly one, but it plays a much smaller role than fame and status.

On the other hand, there really isn't an equivalent phenomenon of male groupies for female pop stars. Sure, there are millions of guys out there who would like to sleep with Christina Aguilera, but that's because she's physically attractive, not because she's famous; if she were just some girl in a club, she could still essentially have her pick of the men in the place, strictly because of her looks. (Note: If you personally don't think she's attractive, that doesn't change the fact that most men do). Yes, she wouldn't have the same number of men desiring her as she does being famous, but that's simply because of exposure; so many more men are aware of her and her attractiveness than they would be of a random hot girl in a club somewhere.

Meanwhile, Aretha Franklin, while an amazing singer and performer, frankly isn't that physically attractive, so you don't see very many men who would want to sleep with her even though she's a superstar with nearly unlimited talent. Sure, there might be a few, but it's not going to be a large number, especially among younger men with their higher sex drives. But Mick Jagger, by contrast, a male rock star in her age range who's looking pretty rough these days, can command the attention of any number of female models in their 20s by essentially snapping his fingers.

Sorry for rambling, and I hope this post doesn't upset anyone. I'm just offering my honest opinion based on what I've read and observed about human nature, male and female.

very observant
 

abiz

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:frown1: I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you. :redface::frown1: From the few times I have seen the Biggest Loser most participants are at least 80 pounds overweight. Some participants are over 100 pounds over weight for their height and build. Doctors used to consider this morbidly obese. :redface: IF you are in the range of being 80+ pounds more than is healthy for you thats an issue. That goes beyond being a bear or daddy type. :rolleyes:

I want to thank you for your apology, however when I said thank you for being honest, I meant it. Alot of times people will blow smoke and you did not. So for that I do thank you, and no apology needed. :cool:
 

B_Hung Jon

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From what i've found about goodlooking people being lousy lays is partially true. Now, my husband was the best looking guy and was the best sex by far up until that point for me. But he was also a big nerd, pretty humble and wasnt arrogant about his looks or cock size. I find that humble people who are secure in who they are, whether ugly, average or attractive are more likely to want to acheive at what they put their hand to, and sex is no different. They are also less likely to be so stuck on themselves they are less likely to care about what pleases the other person.


BedheadRed thanks for the clearest description of my experience so far with my best relationships with girlfriends. I've found that some incredibly beautiful women don't always know how beautiful they are inside and out, and that their humility and sweetness just shine out when they're not aware of it. Those qualities are really sexy to me too.
 

Fire Stick

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Whether one places the greater priority on looks or substance is an age-old contest. Most human beings are attracted to whatever they desire sexually, which can be assessed quite readily form a visual standpoint. Moving forward, though, I think most find it very difficult and unrewarding to pursue or sustain relationships with people who we do not like or admire for their non-physical qualities, unless one is very shallow. I have hooked-up with or dated many guys who I found physically attractive, but after getting to know them, became disappointed that we were not a better match for me outside the bedroom. Conversely, I have dated guys I liked very much personally, but my physical attraction to them was not strong enough in respect to mutual sexual chemistry. Neither circumstance is satisfying. When searching for quality relationships, dating (or getting to know people in hopes of dating) is tough; you try people on and off, and they do the same. People become disappointed, their egos get bruised, and their feelings get hurt. This is why it is so special when and if you find someone with whom you connect with well on a variety of fronts, e.g., physical attraction, respect, compatibility, values. If you find all that with some one, this is fertile ground for a loving, contented, lasting relationship.
 

oneguy67

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My guess is that you have been looking in the wrong places, for the wrong things, and making the same wrong choices over and over.

There are LOTS of men out there who prefer larger over smaller.

But if you keep looking in the same chat rooms, you'll find the same people. If you keep going to the same twink bars, you'll find the same superficial twinks.

Get the courage to look outside your own comfort zone, and you may find some surprising and wonderful things. Just be prepared to realize that if you tend to be attracted to superficial people, that's what you will find. The old saying, "Same gets same" is so very true. You can't reasonably expect to keep looking in the same place and find something different.

I'd love some suggestions about more places to go outside my comfort zone: I don't hang out in twink bars or twink web sites and expect to find chubby chasers, but in the recent past I've gone to bear bars and joined a web site for bigger guys and found the bars to be really off-putting and the web site to be surprisingly worthless. :frown1: Both places were far out of my comfort zone, but at least I tried.

What I've found is that far too many guys attracted to larger guys are seeking a role-player-- for example, a flannel-clad, beard-wearing, cigar-smoking daddy-- and not me: a khaki and cotton sweater-wearing, clean-shaven, non-smoking professional office-worker type. Maybe I'm just too suburban for urban bears. Or maybe the crowds I'm running into are just too caught up playing roles themselves to see that there are variations.
 

tiff86

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No I def. don't think it's all about looks. But honestly it sorta is a start, I mean if you're not attracted to the person it's not gonna work. But then after you know someone and their personality it can make them better looking or worse looking for sure.
 

Jovial

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Unfortunately, most things in this world are based upon looks.
Why is it unfortunate? Somehow the world would be better if looks didn't mean as much? Maybe life is meant to be the way it is for a reason. Who are we to question God's choice for making things the way they are?

OK, I'm being a little argumentative here.
 

whatireallywant

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Why is it unfortunate? Somehow the world would be better if looks didn't mean as much? Maybe life is meant to be the way it is for a reason. Who are we to question God's choice for making things the way they are?

OK, I'm being a little argumentative here.

Weeeeelllll.... it's unfortunate to the less attractive people out there. :biggrin1:

(Not that I consider myself to be one of the 'unfortunate' ones... i've been considered attractive...)
 

lafever

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For me it`s all about chemistry, i believe that if you don`t have it you`re just pissing in the wind.

lafever:cool:
 

hotbtminla

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For me it`s all about chemistry, i believe that if you don`t have it you`re just pissing in the wind.

lafever:cool:

I agree completely - chemistry is what its all about. It's a hard thing to define... which is probably part of the reason why it's so beautiful... but you know it when you feel it, and its almost always mutual. And when you don't have it you're wasting your time.

I've gone on dates with some very good-looking people. But I haven't had chemistry with many, so I could only bring myself to sleep with half of them. :wink:

Just about everyone I've really fallen for had some sort of quirk. None of them had a clubbed foot or anything, but they were... "different" in some way. While I found them to be incredibly hot pieces of ass, the chemistry between us dictated my hormones rather than the classical definition of beauty.
 

Skull Mason

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Why is it unfortunate? Somehow the world would be better if looks didn't mean as much? Maybe life is meant to be the way it is for a reason. Who are we to question God's choice for making things the way they are?

OK, I'm being a little argumentative here.

Its unfortunate because I'm probably gonna lose my hair :cool:
 

goodwood

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If looks didn't matter then how would we decide who to procreate with?
I know I would not knowingly procreate with someone who would produce or bear less than healthy and beautiful children.
If it is very late, and it has been an off week, and enough alcohol has been consumed, then perhaps it will not be about looks.
As a childless man who wants to reproduce and provide well bred, spectacular children to the population, yes looks do matter.
Any woman I sleep with will be considered as a potential mother of my children. Condoms break, birth control is not 100% and so if I will have sex with a woman, looks do matter.
The environment I am from looks do matter and so for this guy it is about looks.
That having been said looks do not guarentee happiness or compatability/
I am a product of of looks having mattered.
Is it always about looks? No. But it is where we start.
 

D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

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And dont you just hate when your online chatting, having a good flirt and you get the inevitable "have you got a pic?" and suddenly it goes through your head. "Am i ever going to see this person? Maybe i should just show them what they want to see, someone who isnt me?"

But unfortantly life is about how you look. Very rarely do you find someone who can see past your scars, rolls and moles to your inned person
 

Belyea

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A friend once said that 'hot/handsome' guys are like fine art..nice to look at, but they don't really serve any purpose. I'm not sure I entirely agree, but I knew what he was saying.

My first two partners were 'bear' types (larger, rugged, hairy, masculine), and were, I suppose in most peoples opinions, 'average' looking. Nor were they the 'type' that I would normally be attracted too, but they were good, kind men who cared for me, and I for them, so the 'looks' issue really wasn't what attracted me to them. They both said that I was what they never were, but wanted to be (slim, blond, blue eyed). One actually said "To me, you're like Brad Pitt." I certainly don't look like Brad, but in his eyes and mind, I was.

I agree that as you get older it's less about looks, but there has to be some level of attraction (both physical and emotional).
 

viking1

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And dont you just hate when your online chatting, having a good flirt and you get the inevitable "have you got a pic?" and suddenly it goes through your head. "Am i ever going to see this person? Maybe i should just show them what they want to see, someone who isnt me?"

But unfortantly life is about how you look. Very rarely do you find someone who can see past your scars, rolls and moles to your inned person

How true. Humans are so superficial.:mad::frown1: