Is it cheating to privately use sex toys?
- Thread starter Drifterwood
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I don't think it's cheating to play with yourself or use toys if it doesn't interfere with you as a couple. Everyone plays. My fiancé is in Iraq so if toys are cheating then I am the biggest cheater you have ever met.
It isn't cheating because cheating requires some kind of emotional betrayal, something that is impossible with an inanimate object. If somebody thinks cheating involves anything sexual that doesn't involve them have other issues they need to resolve.
Although, as others have mentioned, if people need to keep it quiet and feel they should hide it/it is unacceptable in the relationship then there are other issues that need addressing.
Although, as others have mentioned, if people need to keep it quiet and feel they should hide it/it is unacceptable in the relationship then there are other issues that need addressing.
What I mean is if one partner feels they need to hide it from the other because they know it would bother them. My point was that people shouldn't need to worry about that - but rather in a relationship I am open about it, because as I said before, I just don't mind. Not unless it is a substitute or is literally hid from me for whatever reason.
Can't agree. Do you really allow irrational people to dictate your behaviour?
Not me.
I'm not suggesting you have to accept it - I sure as hell wouldn't - but you do have to respect their feelings on the matter, their set boundaries, that that's how they define cheating. And they're entitled to define cheating as they see fit, as determined by their own comfort level, sense of security (or insecurity), religious beliefs, or whatever. Just as you're entitled to say they're being irrational, unreasonable, or batshit crazy, and walk out the front door and run like mad to get the fuck away from their crazy ass as fast as you can.
My point is, you can't/shouldn't dictate to your partner how they need to define cheating, how they should feel about this or that act. It's an extension of sexual compatibility, and either you're on the same page or you're not, and either you choose to accept the differences and try to work within those confines or you get the hell out of the relationship. Because, yes, I think it's bullshit and irrational to say "Watching porn is cheating!" or "Inserting anything in your vagina or anus that isn't my cock is cheating!" But it's just as bullshit and irrational to tell someone "I don't consider it cheating, so you shouldn't either and you should stop being upset!"
You can discuss it all you like, try to bring them around to your way of thinking, and maybe you'll come to a compromise or a satisfactory resolution if you can address why they feel the way they do and give them the assurance/confidence/understanding they need to move past it, but at the end of the day, if your partner doesn't want you doing something, you either have to respect their wishes and not do it, or you need to end the relationship and chalk it up to sexual incompatibility/irreconcilable differences.
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Well, if you're that incompatible with someone that you have to fight over the right to masturbate/definitions of cheating, and cannot agree to disagree, then, yeah, you do not need to be in a relationship with them.
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But what if they seem to get more pleasure from the plastic buzzer or asian porn flick than from you?
that's a symptom of a deeper issue or incompatability.
if the sex isn't doing it for them, is the answer to reduce the level of pleasure they have in their life to make sure you're as good as it gets? you would prefer to merely be the best of a bad lot?
But don't you think a lot of people expect that their partners will be satisfied with the sex they have with them?
dinner might satisfy me but i'll still suck on candy.
i've never orgasmed from sex.
sex may be satisfying but i don't see why i should live without orgasms.
would i prefer he called me every time he needed a quick release, or would i feel a bit used...?
devils avocado, woody.
I agree with jonesy cheating is something you hide. Now if you are doing laundry and find an enormous dildo in a resealable plastic bag in the dry laundry detergent container, then yes, I would feel cheated on. But being open and honest about it would not feel like cheating.
I found porn on my bf computer and it pissed me off and offended me not because it wad porn but because it was porn with guys that look similar to me and I am readyto go whenever he wants to fuck. That hurt a bit. Mostly because I was asleep in the next room.
I found porn on my bf computer and it pissed me off and offended me not because it wad porn but because it was porn with guys that look similar to me and I am readyto go whenever he wants to fuck. That hurt a bit. Mostly because I was asleep in the next room.
I have been in a long term relationship and from the beginning we laid down the ground rules. Males have sex drives and these need to be satisfied. Any form of masturbation not involving another person is not in our rule book defined as cheating. I would not define mechanical devices from e-stim to vibrators and for those into them anal toys as cheating as long as the person relieving themselves has no other human involved in the act in any manner.
Relief from sexual tension is different than engaging another in an act to accomplish the same thing.
In fact, we laugh a great deal at the whole thing. Visually we still cruise somewhat, but we share what we see. The quiet comment in private might be: "Jeez, did you see the basket on that waiter?" We laugh at that considering it a gift of mental jack off material when necessary.
The more stringent the rules the more insecure the parties involved. Spice and variety in thought keep things going, playing the field in people can be dangerous with regards to STD's and if one is going to do that why commit to a relationship. If one wants a FB that is different. That is a different kind of commitment. Personally, I prefer the relationship to the FB type of situation. Tried those years before I was Married and never had anything last that way.
Relief from sexual tension is different than engaging another in an act to accomplish the same thing.
In fact, we laugh a great deal at the whole thing. Visually we still cruise somewhat, but we share what we see. The quiet comment in private might be: "Jeez, did you see the basket on that waiter?" We laugh at that considering it a gift of mental jack off material when necessary.
The more stringent the rules the more insecure the parties involved. Spice and variety in thought keep things going, playing the field in people can be dangerous with regards to STD's and if one is going to do that why commit to a relationship. If one wants a FB that is different. That is a different kind of commitment. Personally, I prefer the relationship to the FB type of situation. Tried those years before I was Married and never had anything last that way.
i'm wondering how many couples always, without exception, have perfectly matched drives and desires for sex & release.
assuming wanking is cheating... if there is a slight mismatch, should one person have sex when they don't want it (even if it's three times a day, every day), or should the other person be tense and resentful at the lack of release whenever and wherever?
assuming wanking is cheating... if there is a slight mismatch, should one person have sex when they don't want it (even if it's three times a day, every day), or should the other person be tense and resentful at the lack of release whenever and wherever?
This is one of the perennial questions here.
My spin in this thread is when the one with the lower or different sex drive gets pissy, or rather thinks it unacceptable that the other takes matters in their own hands with the aid of porn (getting turned on/satisfied when watching others), or with toys (presumably thinking any number of things and propbably not their partner).
I have an old male friend BTW, who has always insisted that he prefers masturbation to sex with partners.
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I think a person would be in a pretty restrictive relationship if the use of sex toys could be considered cheating. What next? Is masturbation 'cheating' too??!
Gosh, surely people have some right to privacy!
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