Is it cheating?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jjb10, Mar 30, 2011.

  1. jjb10

    jjb10 New Member

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    my bf and i have been together over a year. for a while ive known he likes to go on video chats on gay social networking sites and jack off on cam. lately tho, its been really bugging me, as it still consistently happens. the more i think of it, he is interacting sexually with another man. lately too, hes been friending guys from his hometown (a few states away) on these sites.

    would you considering one on one camming cheating?
     
  2. D_Evelyn Wow

    D_Evelyn Wow New Member

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    I don't know I wouldn't really because sometimes its nice to have some personal time to jerk and though its 'with' other people its still jerking off it's just to have the audience and it being random is just kind of exciting i'm sure he wouldn't go to any other for sex than you.
     
  3. AlextheRedhead

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    Nope I don't think it is cheating, any more than jacking off and looking at porn.
    As long as he loves you and you love him why worry what he is doing on the computer. Sex on cam is a great way to keep the fire going. Have you joined him? Why not jackoff together on cam. He sounds like he would get into it.
     
  4. DavidXL

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    I don't think it is cheating. But, he clearly is seeking out sexual outlets outside of your own sexual relationship, even if it is just online. I know from personal experience that could/should be of some concern.
     
  5. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

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    Hmmm, it's not 'cheating' in the conventional sense...

    But I certainly wouldn't be happy if my BF were doing that, as David above rightly says, he's seeking an interactive sexual outlet away from you, and I also agree it's a sign you need to be wary of, don't freak out - but just be wary and be prepared to say something if you need to.
     
    #5 slate_australis, Mar 30, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2011
  6. SyddyKitty

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    Yes, it's cheating. Not to anyone that didn't grow up with the internet, apparently. If it's even moderately sexual or emotional involvement with another person, it's cheating.
     
  7. pangfling

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    i agree
     
  8. monel

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    I think it depends on the definition of the bounds of your relationship. I could certainly see a couple considering such activity by their partner to be harmless fun and no big deal. In that circumstance it would not be cheating. Conversely, if it is know between partners that this activity would be frowned upon, then to engage in it covertly would be cheating.
     
  9. slate_australis

    slate_australis New Member

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    I'm a little curious by the fact that you seemed to tolerate your partner doing this... but perhaps you assumed it would stop?

    Perhaps you don't want to be "that person", but if he's doing something that's making you uncomfortable or insecure you have every right to tell him, and he has every right to know.

    I think there's a HUGE difference between camming and jerking-off to porn... a HUGE one.
     
  10. killerb

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    the more important question is, do YOU consider it cheating?

    and to answer your question: yes, i think it's cheating...
     
  11. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    ****I think there's a HUGE difference between camming and jerking-off to porn... a HUGE one.****

    I agree with this. A porn clip is delivered to you but there is no interaction between the participants in the clip and you bf. There is with a webcam. That's one way to articulate the difference.
     
  12. Gecko4lif

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    He isnt physical with anybody else and their is no emotional involvement

    How could it possibly be construed as cheating?
     
  13. petite

    petite New Member

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    Cheating requires deception or a breaking of your trust. You've known that he does this for a while, so it's not cheating.

    However, that doesn't mean that he shouldn't stop doing it. It bothers you now, so that should matter to him and it should be enough of a reason for him to stop doing it. You don't need to justify it under any definition of "cheating" at all in order to tell him that you dislike it. The fact that it didn't used to bother you doesn't change the fact that it bothers you now, either. A lot of couples start off a lot more open, but for a lot of people, when you begin to get closer, some people want more exclusivity, so those rules change. I think you just need to tell him how much it bothers you and that you would like him to stop. If he cares about your feelings, he'll listen to you and care about not hurting you.

    If he tells you he's stopped, and then he does it behind your back, then that would be cheating on you.
     
    #13 petite, Mar 31, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2011
  14. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

    D_Kitten_Kaboodle Account Disabled

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    I've always considered 'cheating' as hiding something from you or being dishonest about a relationship. I'm weird and different I know, but if he is telling you about these instances and/or not trying to hide anything from you, then I don't really consider it cheating. Now, if he meets up with one of these guys and DOESN'T tell you in advance, then you have a problem. (IMHO)
     
  15. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

    D_Kitten_Kaboodle Account Disabled

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    Petite, we must've posted at the same time. You may have said it better than me, but we are on the same page here...
     
  16. GayFrog

    GayFrog Member

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    I've been with my partner for thirty years. This Saturday will be our 6th wedding anniversary. I am very much in love with him and he with me. I believe that any sexual interaction with another person is infidelity. Cheating is hiding from a partner, the infidelity.
    Even though the actions are in the open it does not make them right. It would be like him saying to you I'm going to the baths to jerk off with some guy I meet there.
    The important thing here is not, is it cheating but why is he needing this type of sexual release. You need to have a serious talk with him, something is missing in this relationship and only you and him can resolve it.
     
  17. yoursgetsmine

    yoursgetsmine Member

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    It's like eating the same food 3 times a day for the rest of your life......it's unrealistic and he's human and your human mind works way to fast to control every thought of interest when being in the visual range or mental awareness state of another, other than who you're with. Some think that unless you shut out all thoughts and never think about or have fleeting thoughts about another while with someone, you're being faithful. Let's face it.....if that were actually true, that person would be "dead"

    That doesn't mean you can't develop feelings or attachments/attractions to others on line and actually begin to pull away from the one you're with....but perhaps there is a deeper reason that the person is doing that other than boredom. Maybe the relationship is cracked, or the person you're with wants to move on without you.....

    Is it cheating?....Most define that as an overt act of actually having physical contact...but the advent of the computer and these sites has changed that dynamic a whole bunch, because 1 out of 5 relationships now begins on the internet, and clearly you can fall in "love/lust" quite easily on these sites looking at the right photos or reading the right words that gives you that "heart pounding" attraction we all like so much. I would say you can be crushed if you read something on the computer where it clearly shows the person you're with has moved into some "emotional" relationship and to be that is cheating....but fantasizing over photos and voices is so common and expected at some point, because as long as we can dream or imagine or fantasize....it'll happen.

    I've always lived by the rule that there is two types of sex...physical and emotional. I don't worry about the physical type if she's open and honest and just out for a bump and an ego boost and great sex and tells me about it (I like being a cuckold)....but the emotional one, even with my knowledge is a crusher, because that means she has opened her heart, and not just her legs. Some are capable of one with out the other, and some are not......

    When all else fails maybe talk about it...and ask what he's getting out of these contacts, and what he needs from them that he's not getting from you....and if it's more physical that emotional, maybe try to get something out of it too.......or you're libel to be alone in the future.......or YOU find another who maybe is looking for or feels the same way you do.......and hopefully your life will be better in the long term.
     
  18. D_Anus_MacHemorrhoid

    D_Anus_MacHemorrhoid Account Disabled

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    I agree with Petite and Fancy.....wifey and I both have web friends that we play with from time to time. The key is, we both know and share in the fun. You have to set your boundaries, then if someone breaks the boundaries....it's cheating.
     
  19. helgaleena

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    Exactly-- You set boundaries with him that let him continue the cam behavior, and now you are wanting to change the rules. Why?

    You are obviously more serious and possessive of him than he is of you. Play by the rules. Tell him honestly how you feel about the cam behavior, and be prepared to accept whatever happens. Either he will stop it and be miserable and leave, stop it and be happy with only you, or stop being with you without giving up the camming.

    The alternative is to change your own attitude to it. You mentions feeling threatened that people he knows in 'real life' are included. Unless you join him and enjoy this kind of sharing, your basic sexual preferences are incompatible, and it's time to stand up for your own likes and dislikes.
     
  20. Countryguy63

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    I'm going with "No". Camming is a long way from intimacy. However, I do agree that if it is something that it hidden, or dome behind your back, or without approval, it should stop.

    You really need to figure why it bothers you, and then talk with him about it. Communication is invaluable to a relationship.
     
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