Is it just me, or are most women now a days ruined by someone?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by byteslip, Aug 30, 2007.

  1. byteslip

    byteslip Member

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    For like the four time in 3 years I've now come across someone who's emotional baggage outweights who I actually am and what is happening between us. This latest one actually had me questioning my memory and sanity (Thank god my cell phone bill showed up as proof.) Are men (women) just screwing with women's minds so bad that we all are instantly assholes?

    I guess the real question is, are there actually any good women left out there? (That's more of a retorical question.)
     
  2. Osiris

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    There are, finding them is a bit hard at times, but that's why when you find them, it's usually for life. I waited 15 years for mine.

    I am also sure the women ask the same thing about us men.
     
  3. DreamofJeannie

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  4. Aitch

    Aitch New Member

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    It's the 'mind games' that some people choose to play that appal me. Why? I loathe it with a vengence. As soon as I encounter anyone doing that, I'm off without so much as a backward glance. Been too damaged already, dont need that kinda shite in my life any more.
    I am consequently, rather insecure, wary & cautious. I hate being those things but it's necessary for self-preservation.
     
  5. byteslip

    byteslip Member

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    Yeah more than agreed. I'm just venting cause this s**t happened about an hour ago. Just chalking it up to a streak of bad luck.
     
  6. Osiris

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    See? There's two great ladies now Byteslip. ^ Up there over us.:wink:
     
  7. Osiris

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    It gets better. I swear. Karma may seem like she's on vacation, but eventually she catches up her backlog and when she does? It was well worth the wait.
     
  8. byteslip

    byteslip Member

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    rather insecure, wary & cautious.

    Tha's EXACTLY what she told me she was, so I backed off and waited for her to decide... and some how I'm the ass since I cannot figure out "the between the lines" stuff.
     
  9. byteslip

    byteslip Member

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    Ahhh karma, how I miss the.
     
  10. Aitch

    Aitch New Member

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    Ah, well...I do communicate. Maybe thats the difference? I voice any worries, feelings & fears to MrAitch so that he understands why I am however I am at the time. I dont expect men (in my experience, you guys dont generally 'do' hints or clairvoyancy!) to read/hear anything other than what comes from my fingers/mouth.

    Communication can very tricky, one has to be considerate & sensitive to the other persons feelings too. For example: MrAitch & I went away for a few days a little while ago and he suffered an upset tummy one afternoon/evening. The following morning, he helps himself to a portion of Camembert as part of his breakfast and I think 'Uh oh!'. Rather than say 'Well, that wont do you any good, will it?!?!' or whatever, I said 'Darling, given how your tummy has been, I'm not so sure that eating that would be a good idea'. Made all the difference and he actually commented that I'd voiced it well & put the cheese back... Daft example, I know!
     
  11. invisibleman

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    I think that people think that they can do whatever they want to people (and get away with it.). Some offer allowances (benefits of the doubt) because of whatever. Some don't.

    You don't have to take stuff off of people. Women. Men. You REALLY don't have to.
     
  12. No_Strings

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    I've met very few women who have 'too much' emotional baggage(to the perception of most). I find it quite noble to be an emotional baggage handler, and it's something I enjoy doing for the right person. One day I plan to help them unpack too - it's healthier to travel light.
     
  13. Ethyl

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    This is the problem with growing older and dating. You have one or a few traumatic experiences with relationships and they can leave scars that last. Some people heal, learn from the experience and move on. Some become fearful, angry, bitter, insecure, and don't know how to stop the downward emotional spiral.

    I've encountered this with men who were younger, older, or my age (37). Everyone has baggage. How much and what one does with it makes all the difference for the next relationship.
     
  14. Osiris

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    Very sound words from two very sound (and in love) members.
     
  15. Eva

    Eva New Member

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    The trick is to take your baggage and do some origami with it. See the pretty inside and fold it all up so that everyone can see the pretty.

    This is also called: Dealing with your shit.


    But take, for example, an ex of mine. He wasn't a good match for me but at the time I was dating him (age 20), he had a pulse and liked that I had a pulse and so we started dating. It was emotional and tumultuous and finally ended when he backed me up to a brick wall and cocked his fist back to swing into my face. (He didn't get so far as to actually swing. My knee's instinct took over.) It was a ridiculous relationship looking back. It could easily have "broken" me. I mean, it never reached physical abuse but it was obvious it was going there. And there was baggage because of that (and some other stuff of course, but this is Cliff's version).

    In Dealing With My Shit(tm), I discovered the origami beauty of my baggage: Said ex once cried sloppily into my very sober lap. He was absolutely shitfaced and told me that his father never used the belt on the kids, he used his leg.

    His prosthetic leg.

    Father Dearest would take off his leg (hopping mad?) and spank the kids with it. **

    Origami. Because dude--that is some funny shit!!

    So while the relationship didn't work out and the baggage definitely surfaced, I learned a few lessons and got a really good story out of it. Worth it? Yeah, probably, if only for the anecdote. I understand I'm probably a bitch for loving the story I got out of the relationship, but I'm totally okay with that.






    ** (at the time, all I could think was "I can't possibly be dating a guy who is too stupid to run away from a one legged man.")
     
  16. SpoiledPrincess

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    There are a lot of men and women out there with emotional baggage, but I think nowadays people are seen to a certain extent as interchangeable, people meet people they could love and instead of working through the problems they encounter they tend to give up and announce they have too much baggage. Anyone who's ever been in a relationship has some sort of baggage, a pattern has been set in how they handle relationships and for so many people the pattern is 'this is getting too much like hard work, I'm moving on'.
     
  17. Principessa

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    ROTFLMAO :tongue: Priceless!
     
  18. rob_just_rob

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    I think that by the time anyone has accumulated 15-20 years of experience with the opposite sex, they've also developed a skeptical view of the intentions of the opposite sex and adopted a more cautious approach. I don't think the instant asshole moniker is fair to either the bestower or the bestowee, but for many, many people, a particular action by a partner can instantly evoke a mental "ooh, I've seen THAT before" and a flight reaction.

    Define "good" (there's your rhetorical answer).
     
  19. TheRob

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    good women are like good men
    generally taken by someone not worth thier time....
     
  20. Act2_Begins_Now

    Act2_Begins_Now New Member

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    IMHO, I think we all are wounded. What sets the winners apart? They realize their wounds and actively try to heal them. It's those with gapping gashes going around saying there is nothing wrong that you need to stir clear of ...
     
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