Ever since I lost my virginity at 13 (to a girl...lost my virginity to a boy at 14), I've been a admitted slut. I've had relationships, yes, some better than others but very few were fulfilling. As I tried to seek love or a stable relationship, I began to realize my assets: I'm a smart, good looking young man with a great body who is also well-endowed. I used to it my advantage to make others submit to their lust...I've had trysts and affairs with taken boys, taken girls, married men, married women, older people (never older than 40), younger people (never younger than 16 after I passed 16), pregnant and single women/girls, pregnant and taken women/girls, married and pregnant women/girls, people with children...I've been paid for sex on a few occasions, but only a very few. Basically, I began to grow used to feeling like not much more than a cheap sexual object to people. Even though I took pride in myself, at the same time, I had very little self worth and self esteem, if that makes any sense at all. This problem has gotten better and gotten worse at different periods in my life as I've tried, again and again, to find a successful relationship. I think it's a bit of self-fulfilling prophecy...I enter a relationship, thinking I'm going to fuck it up and, without actually meaning to do so, I ruin it. Not necessarily from cheating - I've only cheated while in a relationship about two times - but from paranoia, guilt, trust issues, things like that. So I sort of gave up on serious relationships and the such and carried on with flings with people, both male and female. I met a girl late last year named Elda, a gorgeous Albanian girl who I became instantly attracted to. We soon began a sexual fling - being fuck buddies, more or less - and it was great. Even her best friend, Vikela, joined us a few times. Eventually, I found myself falling for her...my feelings grew and grew and she confessed the same. Recently, we began dating. Now all this leads to my question...is it normal that I still feel those insecurities? I'm so used to feeling...well, used and cheap, just for my body and what not, is it normal I still feel a bit unsafe? I really like this girl, she likes me, I don't want to fuck it up and it it going fine thus far...but...is it normal to feel like this? I know it's a problem, ya know...like...it's not really a "good thing", no duh...but...is it abnormal? Can anyone relate? Any advice? I've included some pics of her, and one with her friend, too, so you can see.